In love with 2 women

Try to work on your marriage while you still have the chance! Your wife is being very understanding and supportive. A whole lot more than I would be! You have three children and have been together for 14 years. Make things right again!

You should make the decision about your current relationship based on its own merits. For the sake of that decision you should just pretend that Maria doesn't even exist. I know that probably seems like an impossible task, but that's what you need to try to do.

You should keep a couple of things in mind.

1) Part of the attraction that you feel for Maria is because she is forbidden fruit.

2) Even if you could be with Maria in the future, your feelings for her will diminish with time. At some point in the future, you will probably feel about her the way you felt about your wife before she came along.

3) Maria will probably not be available to you in the future. There is a good chance she will work things out with her husband. If not, once she is free of him, she could easily choose someone besides you.

Because of these things, you should make your decision about your current relationship as though Maria didn't even exist.

Mosaiq,

Yes, I agree with the others....You are lucky to have such an understanding spouse. Why not let Maria do what she needs to do, while you do your best to work out the problem(s) in your marriage? (After all, you have children to consider). I would suggest couples' therapy, or at least hook up with a therapist of your own to help you weather your conflict.

Good luck,

offbeatgrl53

It is very commendable that you went to your spouse and admitted the affair. Kudos to you for that.

I agree that you need to forget about Maria and not seek to maintain contact. Forsake her, and focus on your family.

Let me ask you this: had your relationship with your wife gotten to the point, just prior to the first time you ever met Maria, that you were very unhappy with her and felt you no longer loved her? Or, did flirtation and mutual attraction eventually lead to sexual involvement, even though there was nothing seriously wrong at home?

I get the impression that the latter is the case. You've got a lot of years invested with your wife, fourteen counting all the years you've been together, and three children to consider. Don't let your current emotional confusion and lingering passion for Maria (it will diminish with time, and faster with therapy) lead you to jump to the conclusion that "I no longer love my wife." And don't make the mistake of thinking "I must not love my wife anymore or I would not have cheated on her". Both are fallacious thoughts.

You were tempted, you gave in. It happened, but now it's over. Your wife is being as understanding as she possibly can be. Show her that you are sincerely sorry for hurting her, even if you cannot at the moment tell her "I feel desperately in love with you and I feel no confusion whatsoever". Make the commitment to make it work. Definitely get marital counseling. Definitely put energy/effort into your marriage. Do special things for her that show consideration, make her glad that she has forgiven you and put forth the effort to work with you through this.

BTW, forgiveness doesn't mean she won't still feel hurt, doesn't mean she will trust you again anytime soon. It means she accepts that you made a mistake and wants to work past it together.

FACT#
less than 5% of marriages that begin in infidelity survive.

FACT#
less than 5% of marriages that begin in infidelity survive.

I don't have a lot of trust in the accuracy of such "facts", as these matters are incredibly complex, in that dozens of intermingling variables are in play. But I do agree that "many" marriages do not survive infidelity, whether it occurs at the beginning of the marriage, or after many years together.

That doesn't mean that this particular individual's marriage cannot work out. It can. It depends upon what both people do, how hard they try, and whether they can reestablish trust, intimacy, and mutual positive regard.