bf's ex was raped when they were together

They were together awhile, his friend raped her, he felt responsible (still does). She cheated on him and then broke up with him and dated someone else for a year. After that, they got back together but she would not have sex with him. Which is apparently due to issues surrounding her rape. They were together a year without sex or intimacy, and with her cheating on him (fooling around) with other guys and girls.

Almost 6 months ago, I met him while we were both in the process of breaking up with our ex's. We became very close and talked a lot about his girlfriend and my boyfriend. I broke up with my boyfriend and he helped me through it. But he didn't make a final break with his girlfriend. Then, he started pressuring me to have sex because his girlfriend wouldn't have sex with him. Long story short, we did have sex. After a couple of times, I felt that my feelings for him were growing rapidly. I decided to stop seeing him because he was still with his girlfriend - even though he said they were broken up; he was still sleeping at her house a few nights a week and had a key to her apartment.

I know it was an ultimatum, but I said I wouldn't see him anymore. He gave back the key and stopped sleeping there and defined "just friends" with her. My relationship with him has grown very close. Since he "broke up" with her, we have had periodic issues about his ex - mainly because he sees her once a week for work - and they work overnight together. After, it is common for him to walk her back to her apartment and hang out for a bit before heading home. This used to bother me, but I have to trust him. And I do trust that he does not sleep there.

The girl was raped, and I know there are a lot of issues there. There's a lot between them because of going through this experience and he has said that he never will let her down again, he will be there for her no matter what. I don't want to come between them. He has said there is nothing to come between. But ... he gets jealous when other men pay her attention and whenever he sees her, he is always affected by her and in a short-tempered and exhausted mood the next day.

She affects our relationship. Every argument we've ever had is because of her. She will call him at 4 in the morning, she just recently had him take her to the dentist, its like whenever she says jump, he will say how high. And I know some of this is because of the guilt, but he also says he still loves her. But he's "in love" with me, and he wants a relationship with me, not with her.

He thinks I am insecure and jealous. I think that neither one of them can let the other completely go. I don't know what to do, because it's not a normal situation. After the dentist appt, she was crying in the car with him because her face was numb, he had to talk her down until she was okay. And while I feel that is a really wonderful thing to do for someone ... I also feel like, should I even be here?

Hi, witchchick! It's not fair to you, if it's making you feel like you shouldn't be there. His ex should be getting professional help and she needs to understand that he's not "hers" any more. Maybe you could ask him to really analyze his feelings and give him a break from your relationship for a little while, if you're comfortable with that.