Emotional abuse? What would you do in my shoes?

No worries sweetcheeks about expressing your furstrations. Although I am deeply sorry to read you went through all this it helps me at the same time to know someone knows exactly how I feel. I don't think posting is only about giving advice but also about sharing. I really hope you can move on sooner than later. I know only too well what you mentioned about communication but this man will never communicate with me. He takes eagerly whatever communication he can from me but gives nothing in return..my mistake it's not he gives nothing at all, that would be nasty of me to say. He does reply but ignores all my feelings/sentences/needs of reassurance yet at the same times he manages to show me that he is keen to see me again, thinks of me, wants to know about my plans...yet it is all done in such a detached -job interview style- to send me nuts. What sends me even more nuts is that he really does manage to communicate some kind of caring...intermittent caring It might be communication but I guess communication between a human and an alien would be easier

He takes eagerly whatever communication he can from me but gives nothing in return.

Herein lies your answer: it's ALL ABOUT HIM. You have absolutely nothing to do with the bigger picture. He needs affection, albeit - not too much, and so he only shows you he cares when it's time for him to 'fill his pot' so to speak. If he actually cared about you, he'd be totally aware that YOU have needs too. If he had any sensitivity at all, he'd make an effort even during times when his needs aren't at the forefront. That's what makes a great relationship: showing care even when you don't feel like it.

My GOD, I've gone to X at times I've absolutely resented going. However, because he isn't a communicator, NEVER apologises, or sees the need to, he thinks I should just SWITCH on when he deems it appropriate, thus rendering me a machine, or 'object': I should adapt according to his needs, feelings and attempts. He completely ignores 'my feelings' and 'difficulties. I've finally digested that this is NOT someone who cares, and I'm glad I went back after 20 years to find out. I felt sorry for him, always making excuses to myself for his 'inability'. I have complete clarity that I'm an 'object of interest and disposal'. If I actually meant anything at all, now or in the past, he'd've come to me (that's what men do, or at least in my experience.): he'd make an effort even in the face of fear. If I can do it, then I expect him to be able to too. However, given he can't, or won't - really means I'm a challenge, an ego boost, a fantasy of sort. Very, very clear to me now: It's taken me a long time, and a HUGE amount of pain to see it, but hey...better late than never.

Manage your expectations heyday...this is something I didn't do. I EXPECTED X to align his behaviours with his cryptic messages. I'm sure he wanted me to think these messages were positive rather than negative. The reality is...his behaviours actually DO support what he tells me; I was stupid though to think that his deeper, non communicative messages, actually mean't something. However, they mean just that, 'Non-communicative'. AND, the bizarre twist to this, is that he gives exactly what his messages give - nothing. He says nothing when he rings me, therefore, he is telling me he offers nothing. It's so obvious it's unbelievable.

I can't believe how stupid I've been.

I know it might seem obvious Sweetcheeks and that you may feel stupid at times... I do so too often. But you were not. You were seeing and thinking things from a normal person's perspective. How's one supposed to know a person is twisted unless they have dealt with them...even worse some people can be very manipulative. I don't mean it in the sense of "bad/calculating" manipulation, just needy and needing reassurance and this can drive them to do almost anything just to please and be accepted in the initial phases. They can even act a role for quite some time. It must be a lot of "investment" from their side..it may also explain why they have nothing to offer once they "captured their prey"...Even if they did care they could not show it as they are no different from small children. Cute, adorable and all the lot but until they grow up they cannot demonstrate they care. Problem with these people is they never grow up and always need a "parent" whoever plays the parent role suits them. I'm trying hard to work on why I chose to act as a "parent" when I had needs too but ignored them. I think here lies the answer. Hopefully when I find it he will stop being so significant to me and I can fully move on. I wish you the same asap!