She keeps suggesing I move out

My GF and I have been together for almost 3 years, living together for 1 year. For the last 5 months it seems, she has been suggesting now and then that its better for both of us if we live separate. For starters let me say I have become super dependent (emotionally) on her since ive moved in. I have a hard time living my own life when I am in a relationship and get too clingy. Its even worse now that living together. She says....

- she has put my needs first for too long and now needs to try to make herself happy.
- our apt is too small for 2 people
- the emotional issues have mentally worn her out and with the stress of her job she needs to relax when comes home, not feel like have to care for a child (me...I am 43 BTW)
- it would be better for my (meaning me, the poster) job and career since i focus too much on her moods/feelings
- She doesnt want to hear constant complaining that Im not happy
- we have no future anyway, not enough in common with each other
- She cant trust me (we had some issues around me looking at dating sites in the past but i dont do that anymore and dropped all my female friends as well.)
- She wants to try being independent and financially taking care of herself (I pay the rent)

She has told me sometimes I move out it doesnt mean that we will break up (my biggest fear) and sometimes says it would be easier if we did just break up. Somedays moving out is better for me and somedays she says its better for her.

These talks are getting more frequent and the stress is taking its toll. I know I would also be more comfortable alone (eventually) but i feel 2 people should make it work, never stop trying and also perhaps I am afraid to be alone again and feel the emptiness. I am clinging to her. I told her I would like to move to another area so I can have better career opportunities but at same time, I like where I live and don't want to lose her (she cant come with me since doesnt trust we will work out long term). I am conflicted with the desire to improve my job satisfaction with the desire to stay in the area I am, which I really like. I cant seem to decide whether to stay which means in a job I think is dead end or go which means losing her and the area i like to live in.

The issue goes away for a while but comes back with more frequency these days. I cant seem to pluck the courage to move out. There is no bad feelings or heavy fighting, BTW.

I am just looking to hear any advice or viewpoints. I apologize for the rambling as Ive included a lot here. Please be kind..

Thanks,

Good Morning.

We had a talk last night in an effort to get to the real issue and I think its become more clear. All the other factors she mentioned are there, but the most critical one that seems to be underneath it all is....

She doesn't trust that I really love or want to be with her. Reason being my attachment disorder/abandonment issues so that she never knows if what i do is motivated by fear of being left or its genuine. She has seen me in really bad attachment/fear states so she says she always wonders if I didnt have the fear of being left/alone, would i really choose to be with her.

I asked if that is the case, why has she stayed with me this long. She answered that she feels sorry for me/pity. I do play the victim role a lot (ive got no one else, im not close with anyone, no close friends..etc) so it appears its guilt or pity reason.

I said then we need to heal my issues so she can see what is underneath. She is scared to find out when im healthy since there is the chance i authentically dont want to be with her and it was out of fear. She said maybe can try again in 5 years when I am better. We left it at that but no further talk of moving out.

It seems clear what need to do but I am still terrified of separating from her. When i cant talk with someone ive an attachment/emotonal bond with, its like they died and I cant handle it. What can i do???? I need to find some courage/motivation to weather this...