Why do I live like this?

Hello, I'm new here but wanted to maybe get some opinions of people who may have or going through my same scenario. My wife and I are about to wits ends. We split up briefly around 4 months ago, but I'm back in the house. We have been going to counseling now for about 4 months as well. Of course after she went by herself the counselor thought I'm some big asshole without hearing my side of the story. After 3 individual sessions with her she has once said "I honestly give it to you for being here this whole time." I'm not sure if she can't give a definite diagnosis (legal??), but we have had NUMEROUS conversations regarding BPD and sociopath individuals, and has made me buy the "walking on eggshell" book. Its incredible reading BPD websites that state what to look for and they are all her, hands down... The counselor told me she's also seen 1000's of clients and not once has she met someone she didn't feel had a conscious, which gives her sociopathic behaviors. Gee that makes me feel good. We've been together 10 years, married 4, and have 2 wonderful boys (6 months and 2 yrs)... I'm really scared to get out because of the boys, but I can't do it anymore. I think I've been depressed at times becasuse I've never felt things like this and these past months have been incredibly draining, let alone remembering ALL the things/actions she's done that makes complete sense on why and makes me sick thinking why I stayed this long. Guess I've coped with it or maybe I've been sucked so far into her manipulation, I think this is how life is. Everything from money, schooling, etc. is always what she wants them to be. I tell her we could get a nanny for less than what we pay daycare for and I'm an idiot and she doesn't feel comfortable with that. I try to talk kindly about an argument we had and its all my fault, and honestly will not drop it until I get up or have to raise my voice telling her to drop it. I could honestly write for days on here, but I don't want to sound all sobby so don't think I'm that person. Im just looking for some opinions maybe from people who actually got out of these relationships and if they feel the same way.

Hi, growngrass! You have to think about the future and put your kids first. Try to get proof that she's not good to them or that you'd be the better parent, if that's the case. Maybe it would get her to go to therapy that can help her more than couple's counseling.