Should I beg my ex gf to come back to me? What should I do?

Me and my exgirlfriend were a loving couple for 2 and a half years. I'm 22 and she is 20. She was the love of my life, I never loved anyone as much as I loved her. We broke up 2 weeks ago because she said I was too controlling. Because she cheated on me (kissed another guy) over a year ago I didn't trust her very much so I kept always asking her where she is and who shes with when we're not together. The thing is I cheated on he too for a couple months, but she does not know about it.

In between those two weeks that we were broken up, we got in touch one day (3 days after break up) and hung out, everything was going great. We had sex and she told me that she still isn't over me and that she still loves me. Now a couple days later, I asked her if she would like to get back with me through a text message and she said no. I was shocked so I stopped by her work that same day and asked her to take me back and I can change. She told me that "maybe in the future when I see some change, but right now no." She told me that she hated how I always had to know where she was going...I kept asking her over and over to give me a chance and she didn't seem interested. I told her I can't get back with her in the future only now. All she said was "i guess we're done forever than."

When she had to leave from her lunch break, I gave her a letter prepared earlier telling her how amazing I felt the relationship was when we were together and apologizing for all the messed up things I've done to her. In the letter, I never begged for her to come back though. After work she text messaged me telling me that she liked the letter and had some feelings that she would like to express to me and that she would write it down in a letter, but now its been 3 days and she hasn't spoken to me at all. I'm devastated and cannot get over her. The thing is, she is already talking to some other guys and I'm scared once she does anything with them I can't be able to see her the same way again. I don't know if I should try contacting her soon because if i do it might push her closer to the other guy. I'm just so depressed and confused I don't know if I should text message or go see her and beg for her back? Buy her a gift maybe? What should I do?

WARNING: THIS IS HARSH... I'M SORRY.

mantofloater wrote:Me and my exgirlfriend were a loving couple for 2 and a half years.

Based on what you write I'm not sure how you define loving, considering this sounds a bit more volatile and vapid than you were both are really willing to admit. Or at least you, based on her rejections later on in what you write. I'm a more than a bit worried about both of you.

mantofloater wrote:We broke up 2 weeks ago because she said I was too controlling. ... I didn't trust her very much... I kept always asking her where she is and who shes with when we're not together.

Scary part of this, I believe she was right in what she did because it would seem that you turned her into a possession out of your own insecurity.

mantofloater wrote:Because she cheated on me (kissed another guy) over a year ago. ... The thing is I cheated on he too for a couple months, but she does not know about it.

I find this to be a tad bit more than hypocritical. This is going to sound brutal, in relation to violations of trust, loyalty, domestic control issues, grudges, deceit, unreconcilation, but it sounds like this relationship was kind of doomed from the get go. There's an apparent disregard for what love really is. I've been in my share of bad relationships to, so don't think I'm coming down on you, but it was probably a good thing you both went seperate ways. You have some serious soul searching to do before this becomes any more of an unhealthy obssession as you'll read, you'll get what I'm talking about. Trust me, no real good will come from this until you get some help with your issues. Nip this in the butt before someone does it for you.

mantofloater wrote:In between those two weeks that we were broken up, we got in touch one day (3 days after break up) and hung out, everything was going great. We had sex and she told me that she still isn't over me and that she still loves me.

Love is a chemical addiction like any other. Studies have shown that repeated sex with someone you don't love can cause a chemical bond to form whether you were attracted to that person or not. You're both dangerously playing with fire here. There is no such thing as no strings attached sex. Mix in some confusing emotional states and you've got an emotional rollercoaster.

mantofloater wrote:Now a couple days later, I asked her if she would like to get back with me through a text message and she said no.

There's probably more going on here, frankly the more information you give, the more warning flags are going to go up.

mantofloater wrote:I was shocked so I stopped by her work that same day and asked her to take me back and I can change.

I believe that you can. But it doesn't happen over night, and it certainly doesn't happen in two weeks. Changing behaviours take a lot of work, reflection, introspection, reassessment, perspective, personal discovery, awareness, and understanding.

mantofloater wrote:She told me that "maybe in the future when I see some change, but right now no." She told me that she hated how I always had to know where she was going...

At this point, you're probably scaring her.

mantofloater wrote:I kept asking her over and over to give me a chance and she didn't seem interested. I told her I can't get back with her in the future only now. All she said was "i guess we're done forever than."

This is qickly becoming toxic. Reflect on what you write. If you can't grasp the toxicity of this, I strongly suggest you reflect on this until you can. Once you're able to do that, talk about how the definitive things you're going to work on, and work on changing them. Spend at least 6 months working on these changes in your behaviours.

mantofloater wrote:When she had to leave from her lunch break, I gave her a letter prepared earlier telling her how amazing I felt the relationship was when we were together and apologizing for all the messed up things I've done to her.

Apologizing is always a good thing.

mantofloater wrote:In the letter, I never begged for her to come back though. After work she text messaged me telling me that she liked the letter and had some feelings that she would like to express to me and that she would write it down in a letter,

If she writes you a response, it's a starting point to begin to discuss the rebuilding of your relationship. Jumping back into this, you're not going to learn anything, and you'll quickly fall back into ruts. You're treading on dangerous ground. Seek some individual counselling, therapy, or join a support group. Dig around the forums, you're not alone, and despite me appearing hostile, and I know this does, I'm all for healthy relationships that serve a purpose in wellness and wellbeing. We all make mistakes. Lord knows I've made more than my fair share of them.

mantofloater wrote:But now its been 3 days and she hasn't spoken to me at all.

Hard to say I'm sorry by Chicago...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Irc0Hn6K9V8

Specifically... listen to the... "Even lovers need a holiday"

mantofloater wrote:I'm devastated and cannot get over her.

Unrequitted love. YES YOU CAN. Whether you want to or not, that's another story. If you were together for 2 1/2 years, it's going to take you about 14 months to fully get over her. That means no contanct, dispose of everything that reminds you of her... Send it to the cornfield so speak. That's an old Twilight Zone reference.

mantofloater wrote:The thing is, she is already talking to some other guys and I'm scared once she does anything with them I can't be able to see her the same way again.

It's hard to accept, but what you got into this mess is that you never saw her in the same light when she first lost your trust. Let's go back a moment to what you wrote earlier. If you made it this far, this is going to make a bit more sense, but you've answered your own question.

mantofloater wrote:We broke up 2 weeks ago because she said I was too controlling. ... I didn't trust her very much... I kept always asking her where she is and who shes with when we're not together.

This is very very important to understand. You're worried about losing something you clearly never allowed back into the relationship so what is going to change in you that's going to suddenly allow you to fix something you've been unable to do upto this point?

mantofloater wrote:I'm just so depressed and confused...

Meditation, exercise, yoga, bible study, diet, reading, projects of self-expression, all productive models for awareness of self for benefit. Listen to upbeat music, take walks in the park, talk to people about this. Lots of people, just be cautious of people that do not wish to understand. There are threads on depression, dig around in them, post a few things about your other concerns about the depression and confusion.

mantofloater wrote:I don't know if I should text message or go see her and beg for her back? Buy her a gift maybe? What should I do?

Others may disagree with me, and that's fine, but leave her alone until you get yourself sorted out. This is a critical disaster just waiting to happen.

The only Advice I can give you as i have been in the same situation is to just leave it a while mate (It may be hard but u can do it). Wait for her to txt u and just get on with life as normal EXCEPT goto the doctors and ask him for help and explain to him what things you have done. Sounds just like me in fact and i can now say I'm a Dominator i use to stop my wife from going out and always asked her where she was going and she never cheated on me (OK neither of us cheated on each other) but i have had some help and she is now more loving towards me. Try not to be possesive or treat her like a trophy as that can make things worse. Just chill and take a step back . It worked for me i'm sure it can work for u mate .

Peace

Keith

I just wanted to second much of what Vandel wrote. It does sound like you were controlling and didn’t have the healthiest relationship. Begging is not attractive. Do you want this person to be with you because they like you or because they feel sorry for you? If you beg for her to return and she comes back, it’s just delaying the inevitable break up.

I understand how painful this must be for you, but I assure you that you’ll find someone else. Every time we fall in love, we can’t imagine being with anyone else until that relationship ends and the process repeats itself.

I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, but you’re only 22 and 20. You have all the time in the world to meet the right person and settle down. Why on earth would you want to do that now? I would consider this a good life lesson about cheating and not treating your partner like a possession. You’ve learned what the consequences are and perhaps you won’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship.

Sorry for laughing but I find it amusing how in depth and complex a response Vandel has given here.... ha ha... I've never seen anyone on this forum respond with so much insight.... amazing.
I'm not laughing at any of the content, just the size of the response which is commendable yet I do find it humourous for some reason.
Now I want to post all my problems on here so Vandel can respond.... heheh...