My Girlfriend has slept with 30 guys

HMJ wrote:You people are way too sensitive. You shouldn't give a sh!t what someone else does. As for the initial poster...2 months? Give it 4 more and see where you stand.

BOLD PREDICTION: She sleeps with someone else.

Hey I think HMJ is certainly right, I mean if it is a girl like Uaia that slept with 15 guys while in her teen years but now that she is 18 she figured that she made an error or she was mentally unstable or whatever, teens are constantly changing and making errors. Now, when talking about a grown woman things totally change... I mean, it is possible that she have actually decided to settle down but people just don't change once they have their whole personality and way of being already formed unless there is a huge realization, but these mostly happen when you are a teen.

Anyways, I am not suggesting to abandon her because she is a whore or anything like that, but i believe it is a good idea to wait way more than a couple of months before starting to get all worked up about marriage... just to see where you stand compared to all the other 30 guys because you may just be one more to the list.

agirlbyanyothername wrote:To be honest, I think it’s a good thing she’s had that many partners. She’s taken time to explore and now knows what she wants. Guess what? She wants you! It’s also less likely that she’ll reach a point in your relationship where she starts wondering what she missed out on.

I totally agree with this.

I would never marry a girl who had that many sex partners. I know it's common today and even considered good by some, but it isn't. Don't feel honored that she was with so many guys and now wants to be with you. How do you know she won't want someone else in the future? How do you know her heart doesn't belong to someone else? Don't be 31 on a list that will continue to grow.

Listener wrote:I would never marry a girl who had that many sex partners. I know it's common today and even considered good by some, but it isn't. Don't feel honored that she was with so many guys and now wants to be with you. How do you know she won't want someone else in the future? How do you know her heart doesn't belong to someone else? Don't be 31 on a list that will continue to grow.

Some of these responses are pretty disappointing - how are you all so certain what kind of person this woman is given ONE POST that her boyfriend made in an internet forum?

A) You cannot define what is "right" or "good" for someone other than yourself. Your values are your values, period - not anyone else's.

B) You cannot see the future. Nor can you magically divine everything about this woman from one statistic about her. Those of you asserting that she will definitely cheat on him simply based on her relationship history should maybe think twice before spewing your pessimism.

This guy asked for help understanding why this bothers him, not commentary on their future or declarations about her fidelity. If you can't contribute constructively, maybe pass by the thread altogether.

JackCrow, I was only speaking for myself, not giving advice. Some people don't seem to have a problem if their partner has been with many people. I'm saying that I would have a problem with it, and I disagree with the view that it's a good thing to have a lot of partners to figure out what you like.

I don't know if I can define what is good or right for someone else, but are values completely individual? That's a very postmodernist, relativist way of thinking, one that is common, and one that I'm a bit tired of.

I was merely offering an alternative view.

Listener wrote:JackCrow, I was only speaking for myself, not giving advice.

Re-read your post. You literally say "don't be honored," "don't be number 31," "it isn't good." You impugn his girlfriend's moral character, cast doubt as to her fidelity, and try undermine his confidence in her feelings for him. That's not 'an alternative view,' that's a thinly-veiled way to cast judgement under the guise of offering your perspective.

No, values aren't completely individual. Yes, I know what postmodernist and relativist mean.

Posting petty judgements of other people's lives, relationships or moral character from behind the anonymity of an Internet forum profile is pretty common too, and I'm tired of that. So we've got that in common at least.

I'm sorry, I know my tone is unnecessarily hostile. I had just assumed the purpose of these forums was to offer support and encouragement to one another, but posts that appear to attack and undermine someone while they're in the middle of asking for help just seem like poor taste to me.

Honestly I don't know what the purpose of these forums are exactly.

Of course I'm casting judgment on the girl. Any girl who had 30 sex partners is an unacceptable marriage partner for me. I would doubt her fidelity, and that she finally got around to me I would feel insulted rather than honored.

If it was me I wouldn't give the girl a second thought. That's how I see it.

But I don't advise that he break up with her, or that he marry her, that's his decision. It depends on his own values, what he's willing to compromise on, and what he's not.

Perhaps I did not word the post in the best way, normally I don't word them so strongly.

Listener, you're forgetting that this thread isn't about you or what road you would take.

I knew a guy in high school who slept with over 200 girls. 30 seems minor in comparison.

I don't know how much difference emotionally/psychologically having 30 versus 200 partners makes. But I also don't know if the two situations are comparable since men and women use different criteria in choosing mates.