New Here - My boyfriend keeps breaking up with me.

Hi there.. this is my first time here and I am feeling so many different emotions right now. I have the best boyfriend, so incredibly kind and loving. And about once a month or once every two months, literally out of nowhere he becomes someone else. He is completely indifferent, feels nothing, won't take my calls, shuts down emotionally. He always says the same thing although it always has a new twist.. that he thinks he just needs to be alone. This kills me to hear, especially the first couple times. Now I've gotten thicker skin and it is a little easier to deal with. Nonetheless, still very painful for someone you love to toss you away like yesterdays garbage. And like clockwork, 10 days to 2 weeks later.. he comes out of this fog and has a change of heart. Says he was wrong and that he loves me like no other. This is obviously an issue, but it's even more so because I've just come to the realization that he is bipolar. This is something that has come up many times in his life, and we have also had conversations about this. I typically thought it was silly, but the patterns are right here in front of me. It's impossible to ignore. He is currently not speaking to me, going on like day 5.. but I was able to get him on the phone briefly. And told him what I thought, that he might be bipolar. He didn't resist at all.. said I was probably right. At the end of the day, I know what I am getting myself into (I have a close friend with BipolarI) and walking away isn't what I want to do. I'm trying to find a way to reach out to him in his current state, but it just isn't working. Should I just walk away and leave him alone for now? And wait for him to come out of his fog and then sit down and have a serious talk about this illness? Please help.. I'm devastated by this and have no one to talk to.

I understand your situation, I'm currently trying to understand my relationship with a bipolar person - although my relationship has a lot of catches at the moment.

What you have to understand is that having a relationship with someone who is bipolar requires a lot of understanding and emotional strength and a hell of a lot of love for each other.

I think it's a good idea to have a chat with him, but sometimes he may just need to be left alone because some sort of family event or something has triggered an 'episode' of sorts. I don't doubt that he does love you, but he seems like he is going through a tough time... I suggest you look up information about bipolar disorder. You can find a lot of useful information that can help you.. and possibly more importantly, your boyfriend.

As a bipolar (and a BPDer) that has repeatedly broken up with people for no reason...

Well..
You need to talk to him and see if he cares enough to stop doing it.
It takes some willpower but we're not defenseless in controlling ourselves.
If he loves you, he can make himself stop.

You might need to be prepared to leave him, though... and not look back.
Until someone takes charge of their life they can be really toxic if unstable.

If you can't handle the stress he's putting you under, you need to leave. He may be unable to change, but you can always leave.
Sometimes that kind of slap in the face can change someone.
Sometimes it just frees you from the stress.
Either way...

I'm not saying leave him.
I'm saying you need to talk to him, tell him that you don't deserve that and that while he's bipolar he's still responsible for his actions.
You also need to clarify for him that if he can't stop treating you as disposable property, then you ARE strong enough to leave and find someone that cherishes you. Whether you're actually that strong or not is irrelivant AT THIS JUNCTURE.
You need to tell him you are, whether you are or not, so he considers it.
You can muster the courage to actually leave if you have to later...
But you can't just let him do this.

If I can own up and control myself, he can too.
And if he's medicated, he REALLY has no excuse.

Like I said, you don't HAVE TO leave... but you need make it clear that if he doesn't STOP, you CAN and you WILL...
And then you can come back for my words of wisdom on how to leave without falling apart completely...
Try this first, though. I hate to see relationships end when they could jsut be fixed.

Being emotionally dependent on somoene is something that should end when you "divorce yourself" from your parents. Sadly our species have a hard time facing reality. Love makes one blind you know. You will realise what a looser he is once youre over him. Theres plenty of guys out there that will treat you better.

inossak wrote:Being emotionally dependent on somoene is something that should end when you "divorce yourself" from your parents. Sadly our species have a hard time facing reality. Love makes one blind you know. You will realise what a looser he is once youre over him. Theres plenty of guys out there that will treat you better.

Edit; Apparently i didnt read much of your post. So he is bipolar.. Its up to you to decide if he is really worth the "hell" you experience. If you decide to stay you can only blame yourself for the hell he might or might not put you through.

It is said that " Love is the game you play and price is pain what you pay"

Well....for relationship it requires mutual understanding and great patience.Cause it takes years to build a relationship but requires only few seconds to break it.Now days people do not have patience and adjusting nature.If they find problems to cope up with other person,simply they ditch their partner.then I must say...It is not love...it is just selfishness.You are seeking then your convince only.

"Love is nothing but sharing lives,values the differences and togetherness forever...... "

What you people say??

"Love is a many splendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!" Moulin Rouge

While that's great to think and better to make work...
You can't always make it work.

The concepts of true love existed best when we were not free to select our own spouses and the idea of true love could be found elsewhere in someone you wanted to marry instead, and usually ended up having an affair with.
In a world free to marry whom they wish, true love is a wasted idea. Man was not meant to mate forever... I've determined this.
When i get married I hope it's for forever... but I'm not so deluded as to actually think it will be.

Love is a lot of things...
But in this day and age... most of those things are irrelevant.

Hi
Sorry to hear about your situation. I had a boyfriend with Borderline who kept on doing exactly the same thing ! Just when I thought I'd got used to the pattern of him breaking up ... not speaking....coming back.......the last time he "came back" he told me that he'd met somebody else, didnt love me at all....in fact never had ! And the "new" person was the most special person he had ever met ! That was after a two year relationship. Just be careful....you think you can get used to something, and handle it....then they change the rules !

jean_12 wrote: .you think you can get used to something, and handle it....then they change the rules !

When you say "they" you mean borderlines? Like they're the only ones breaking up for silly reasons.

inossak wrote:

jean_12 wrote: .you think you can get used to something, and handle it....then they change the rules !

When you say "they" you mean borderlines? Like they're the only ones breaking up for silly reasons.

By that I just mean,.... that you can get so used to the pattern of breaking up, and getting back together, and usually In my exbpd's case it was to do with abandonment/engulfment fears.....You can kind of get used to these patterns, and think that you know what to expect next, think that you can handle it....I guess you can come to a false sense of security , that the pattern will continue to go on like that. Sometimes the closer you get in a relationship with a bpd ( I don't know if its similar with bipolar), the more these insecurities are triggered.......and well for my ex I guess he felt a lot safer moving on to somebody new, somebody who I know he hasn't told about his bpd diagnosis....because he wants to re-invent himself, its easier for him ( he has told me this) I still love him very much, but I understand that he found the closeness very difficult....so I wouldn't say that was a silly reason at all, for him it was a very painful reason....not being able to stand true closeness ....but maybe inevitable for an untreated bpd ?