I'm in a hell hole

Ok so I have a boyfriend whom I have been with on and off for 3 years. He's been my best friend since I was 10 and I'm 19 now. Anyways, first things first, he's an acoholic and he doesn't want help. It kills me because the addiction frustrates me and I feel that our relationship is falling apart because of it. It feels as if he doesn't even give a damn about how much this hurts me and his family and himself. Now he's totally selfish because now he needs this more than anything else in his life. What sucks is that he knows he has a problem but he just will not get any help and doesn't want any help. That's one thing.

Secondly, he has a best friend who is a girl and don't get me wrong, I really do not mind this. It's just the girl is constantly... what's the right word for it... playing with his head. For instance, on myspace, she sent him a comment stating :you mean alot to me" and he says so do you. Also, she got him an expensive ipod doc, writes him little notes like "Rachal loves Austin, and not kayla" She also wrote "Rachal loves austin always" on his wall. I talked to her about this $#%^ and she simply says "There's nothing to worry about." One time, I seen a shady text in my phone and texted her about it. Rachal sends Austin my texts and he bitches me out instead of hearing my side of the story. I feel like he's more in love with her than me. I have made little notes to him and all this and he's never hung it on the wall or anything. He sends me home when she comes over and to me, that sounds like cheating to me. I confronted them both if there was something between them two and both said no. Austin got angry at me for asking him that and Rachal did the same exact thing because for some reason, I cannot believe them two.

Both of these were not an issue when we first started dating and when we got back together this past June. She was in his life when we were dating in the past but why is she doing these things now? The addiction and rachal makes me feel like I'm going crazy. Everytime I got into his room, I have to see "Rachal loves austin always" on his wall and it just depresses me more and more. I don't even know what to do anymore... I just feel like I'm in a hell hole. On second thought I am in a hell hole.

Am I really crazy? I know I was cheated on before and these are sure signs of it... but what should I do about the alcohol and this tupid girl?

HI killa k,

I can understand how much tough your situation is, real tough to understand and respond it. But i think, you can go through it. See, if it is confirmed that both are in love and you think he is cheating you, then you need to control yourself and your feeling for this. You are just friend of it, right? Then treat both as friends, don't think so much, why he sent you at home or whatever, just think what you can do for him as a friend. I think, if that girl playing with his feelings, then you collect proofs for her and then show to him. You can save him from cheating.

Mind this things: This person, who takes alcohol, i don't think he will be able to understand your feelings and will listen to you. So everything is up to you. Be careful and step-by-step go ahead.

I'm kinda interested, exactly what did you text this girl? Were the texts on his phone? I was also reading your post here.. is your name Kayla? I mean.. did she really write "Rachal loves austin and not kayla?"

That being said, I was trying to filter out and see if you played a part in any of this chaos involving your relationship. I still see a HUGE problem with certain things.

I mean him kicking you out of his house for her, isn't something i'd ever put up with in a relationship. She's not his girlfriend, you are. Even in a CASUAL dating relationship, you should be a notch above her.

I mean you shouldn't even be talking to this chick, why the heck is she telling you there's nothing to worry about? You need to be talking to your boyfriend and ask why he's treating you the way he is. Shoot, I mean what does he say when you ask him why she has a declaration of love on his wall, when the stuff you give him he does nothing with?

I'm also not going to lie, it sounds like cheating. I mean i'm going to be flat out real, male/female best friends.. still treat each other like friends, not like they're not romantic with each other. I mean you deserve someone who will treat you with respect, the writing is like literally on the wall in this case. She might be doing it to drive you crazy, but I mean does he even care? He's the one who should care, not her. He's the one who you're in a relationship with and should have some understanding for your feelings--not her. He's the one who should realize the line has been very blurry with him and this other girl.

The alcohol thing is a problem and honestly since it sounds like you guys have dated on and off anyway, why put up with it? He's putting it above the relationship, I mean would you mind if he even just cut back? He's not negotiating with you on any front with it and how long are you going to be with this guy? Is his alcoholism something you can live with long term?

It just doesn't seem like a person who appreciates you.

Sounds like you're beating yourself over the head with a brick by staying in this scenario, young lady...

It simply doesn't sound at all healthy and dating alcoholics is highly problematic; all addictions are based on deception on many levels.

Sure, love can feel a bit "crazy" at times, and that's normal, but why stay in something that gives you repeated disappointment, sorrow, and distress?

I guess I'm just not sure what love is in the first place. I think, from what I know and have experienced, that it can be either a mood accompanying a strong sexual attraction, or it can be a deeper sense of togetherness based on the strenghts of trust, caring and things in common.

What about your interests in life? Anything you are pursuing that is fun, or interesting? It sounds like a big energy suck to try to commit yourself to an on-again-off-again "relationship" with this fellow who is, for lack of a better term, really screwed up.

Jeez, you're so young and you only get to be young once. Why waste it being with someone who is taking you for a ride? There's a whole world of fun and interesting things to do with yourself.

Good luck,
Jerril