Why does he ask out girls way above his league?

There's this guy from my high school who I don't understand. I'm really confused about his behavior. He is a social outcast; I have seen him many many times walking around the school by himself and lunch times when most other students are sitting with their friends talking. I've overheard a lot of students gossip negatively about this guy. He's definitely disliked by a majority of students. He's not in the "in-crowd". He has quite bad acne, but I don't know if he had it in grade 9, when he asked out this one very pretty girl. He also asked out an in-crowd girl in grade 11 in front of other students. This is what I overheard from one of those students:

"Well, he asked _______ out, and he was like trying to talk to her and stuff. He's so dumb!" They were laughing at him while recounting the story.

He also asked out another girl whom I don't know the name of nor know what she looks like, but I am assuming she is good-looking since I saw the guy who purported to be her boyfriend and he was a good-looking in-crowd guy. He said, "And he asked my girlfriend out" with this confused tone in his voice, as if he was trying to convey "jeez this guy is weird, I think asking my girlfriend out was a weird thing to do".

He also asked his next-door neighbor to be his date to prom (who doesn't attend the same school - I think she goes to some private Christian school), and she actually said yes in the beginning but then never showed up on prom night! I know this because a teacher said she saw her in the mall and she said in an enthusiastic voice, "I'm going with ___________" but then didn't show up! So I don't know if she changed her mind, or if she got sick that day or what.

Anyway, this same teacher told me that she thinks he must have known that those girls would never have gone out with him. She thinks he asked them out in order to prove to himself that he is worthy of the love of a beautiful woman. She also thinks that these women are trophies and that he wants them so that it would be easier for him to gain entry into the in-crowd. I myself don't know what to think. I mean, I had crushes on guys who were way higher status than me and who I knew would never find me attractive, so I just admired them from afar and never asked them out, because what would be the point if you knew they would just turn you down anyway?

So what do you think of this guy? My teacher said, "He must have known" (that they would never go out with him). I'm totally confused myself. I read in the book "The Shy-Man Syndrome" by Brian G. Gilmartin PhD that shy men have more need for physical beauty than non-shys, and are not willing to date a less-than-ideal-phsycially woman if their ideal is not available. So the shy guys were unwilling to settle but the "normal, outgoing" guys were. But this guy doesn't seem shy. I liked him a lot and he knew it, yet he never asked me out, even though he must ahve known that I would have said "Yes" to him. Most students consider myself ugly and I have/had very low status. (same level as him I'd say). I have been out of school for many years now and don't have a crush on him anymore. But I'm just curious as to this guy's mentality. He has me stumped.

Personally, I think it's a problem with an absence of social contact. For one, he seems to be oblivious to social cues or what appears to be a social norm. Seriously, you either have to be truly and proudly confident of your abilities to jump from one girl to the next or you simply don't know any etiquette and jump straight into it. I'm sure there are plenty of other reasons of why it happens but I'm too tired to go through every single one.

There are heaps of guys out there who are like that though. I'm no psychologist but I can only assume it's a lack of social exposure that compel them to take a plunge with whatever it may be. There is no embarrassment; there is no rational thought that comes into making their decision. It just happens with no forethought.

Again, that's just speculation from me. There's this one guy at my uni, who I might have mentioned before, who is similar to the guy you're speaking of. He's shy and puts on some sort of facade to show that he's confident which in fact, he's a socially repressed, unattractive, emotionally susceptible, compulsive liar. By the way, I'm not saying that all shy guys are like that if anyone starts biting at me. Anyway, he, too, behaves the same way as the guy you've observed. He hits on girls that are obviously 'higher-status' than him and ultimately fails. I can't see any problem with that by the fact alone. Who wouldn't want to hit on someone who might be supposedly better than the rest?

However, it doesn't end there - he ends up making up lies about his failures and about other people's relationships, including one of my ex. The whole thing is an absolute farce because most of the people at uni know his lying patterns and now, every single word that comes out of his mouth is treated with caution by others.

So similarly, what I can gather from this guy is that failures seem to stigmatise themselves in his mind if they even consciously think about it. The lies reinforce their ego; it inflates it. There is no mistake as they have no understanding of social dynamics. They need something to counter certain failures and preserve their supposed normal egos. It's cyclical. One failure after another and tragically, they might not even learn or be truly self-aware. And that might be the issue: those kinds of guys don't have a stable process of self-awareness and hence, they have a fixed image of themselves which they have to hold on to. Impulsively, this leads them to, I suppose, hit on girls that may seem out of their league.

I could be absolutely wrong about this. If so, please clean it up for me.

Hope this helps.

Why do guys ask out girls way above their league? Because, in their heads, the girls are most likely under them. Welcome to the suppiriorty complex that most men have. Everyones a stud in their own minds.

I should have mentioned that I don't know if he knew that girl had a boyfriend already or not. But I think it's very possible, since the guy who said, "And he asked my girlfriend out" sounded like he shared a class with the guy. But it's still possible that the low-status guy didn't know that he was going out with the girl.

I should have also mentioned that at the prom he (the low-status guy) asked only one girl to dance, whom my teacher referred to as "a non-looker girl" (and I would have to agree; she is slim but her face is one of the least attractive as far as in-crowd girls go. Even amongst out-crowd girls she is rather unattractive: small beady eyes, very thin lips). Maybe he thought that she was the most likely to agree to dance with him out of all the in-crowd girls? Like maybe he didn't want to look like a loser by not having any dance at all, and also felt he would look like a loser if he danced with an out-crowd girl, and knew that a good-looking in-crowd girl would refuse to dance with him, so that leaves the girl he asked to dance (the thin-lipped, beady-eyed one).

Then for the rest of the evening he hung out with my clique (the lowest status clique: one of them has a stutter and too-small ears and his pupils in his eyes don't always point in the same direction; like one will look straight at you and the other will look at the floor). Then another one has bad dandruff and black dirt beneath his fingernails and is overweight and wears glasses with the band/rope around his neck (I've only seen older adults where glasses with that; no other students at the school had that with their glasses). We also had both the shortest guy in the entire grade and the tallest gangliest guy in the entire grade.

I think what you're *really* wanting to know isn't why he chases these other women, but why isn't he chasing you.....?

UK-SW,

No, I'm curious about both. I'm guessing that he never chased after me because I am chubbier than the girl's he asked out and my face isn't as attractive. I'm not bewildered that he thinks those girls are good-looking. What I'm bewildered about is that he would actually have the nerve to ask them out. Like I said, I got crushes on guys who I found good-looking but I never asked them out.

Here is a quote by the user "S. Tarry" on May 11, 2009 in the comments section of the 2-star review by Ralph W. Larkin on Amazon's page for Dave Cullen's book "Columbine":
"...a boy at the lowest end of the pecking order would almost never ask a girl to a school social activity--if word got around that he'd asked a girl (much less several girls) to the prom and been rejected, that would be yet more fodder for humiliation."

Also in the book "Comprehending Columbine" there is a quote by a very physically attractive hispanic girl who said that the only guys who asked her out were the jocks/high-status boys. I suspect that a lot of the out-crowd boys thought she was attractive, yet never asked her out. So I think it would be weird for one of those out-crowd boys to ask her out on a date. I mean, does he have Asperger's syndrome? Is his understanding of social dynamics really that bad? Is his EQ (emotional quotient) really that low? Maybe he is gay and wants to appear straight to his peers but he would feel very uncomfortable dating women so he avoids asking out girls he think would actually say "yes" to him? So he just asks out girls he knows would say "no" to him, so that he doesn't have to actually date anyone. I don't think the guy was gay though (and neither did my teacher).

Eric_Lee wrote:Everyones a stud in their own minds.

I am the biggest stud muffin in my mind. In fact, I'm thinking about myself as I'm typing this.

coeus wrote:

Eric_Lee wrote:Everyones a stud in their own minds.

I am the biggest stud muffin in my mind. In fact, I'm thinking about myself as I'm typing this.

I was thinking about you as well.

Eric_Lee wrote:I was thinking about you as well.

Nice?

UK-SW wrote:I think what you're *really* wanting to know isn't why he chases these other women, but why isn't he chasing you.....?

I have to agree with UK-SW. You want to know why he isn't chasing you, ultimately.

well i think we've figured out that he's behaviorally abnormal, but there could be a whole host of reasons.
I only ever like girls that I barely know or have never spoken to and never consider going out with people I hang out with.
Just today I had to reject one of my friends who likes me (and shes fairly attractive).
I don't know why this is the case, but I do know that it is strange and I have always been unsuccessful.
I'm fairly shy and anti-social but not noticeably disordered. I also place more value on physical
beauty. It seems the less attainable, the more attractive. that is seeing women as trophies.
Deduce what you want from that.
Personally, I don't really think you can make a generalisation based on any of this because I'm not really of lower status, and my shyness isn't caused by low self-esteem, but something more complicated. I suppose it is probable that my anti-social tendencies cause me to avoid possible relationships and go after impossible ones knowing subconsciously that they will not happen so I can continue to be alone.