What is wrong with me?

I think something is wrong with me...I am really different compare to people that I know. I have been reading about personality disorder and it has not helped me in finding out why I am the way that I am...in part because my personality contradict a lot of what they said. Can anybody help me to understand what I am?

Intro to my life so far:

Okay first of all I notice that my thinking is contradicting. I love to help people and I can understand them really well...but I cannot seem to feel what they are feeling. I do not understand how I would know how they feel but actually not know what the feeling is like. Meaning somehow I can learn to fake feel the feeling but not actually know it.

In my life I am the girl that everyone comes for advice and I have heard that I am really good at predicting what is going to happen and that is way my advice is always taken. It is not because I am psychic but because I am really good at analyzing a situation.

I notice that do love to help people and people do see me that close to them, yet I do not feel the same way. I do not feel close to anyone other then my immediate family, and even to them I hide myself a lot...in honestly my family do not even understand me and my actions sometimes.

I think I treat my family a lot like outsider but only that I can express myself more...I can get mad, I guess show my real expression to them of how I feel about things. I do also feel love and enjoyment with them.

I have never dated in my life before, although I have really liked guys before. In fact most people I met are confuse to why I am still single. Given the fact that I am attractive, smart, and really caring...all of my friends think that I am just highly selective(picky).

I am also floor when I can seem to break guys heart without even knowing how much they actually feels towards me. I guess I have already lost hope in finding someone that I would love to be close with. That is why I come off as confident and real to guys, and because I seem to understand them so well they always end up hurt when they find out that to me, they aren't that special.

Somethings I always notice about myself:

If I were to analyze my personality. I would said that I always seem to know what to tell people or I guess manipulative them, even though I rarely do it for my own enjoyment.

The human psyc is very easily for me to read, and I found that I can read people fairly well by just glancing at them once.

I also notice that do put myself above the norms, I do not care much for norms as long as I know it is right to me.

I love to help people and I do love being around people..yet at the same time, given that I am so involve, I am also just as distance. I guess being social but anti-social at the same time.

I cannot seems to form a close intimate relationship with anyone, as to me it is invading of my space...although I do want to see how it is like.

I also hate it when people are emotional, I cope better with unemotional individuals.

I love both praise and criticism. I view praise as I have done something right, and criticism as to keep me in check and something to learn from.

I sometimes wonder if I could be a psychopath/social path...only that I do not do bad things. Suggestions are welcome.

Hi,

Why did you choose the name that you did? Isn't that 'degrading' yourself in some shape or form? Where I am from, a 'nerd' is a derogatory term to use about someone. Anyway, after reading what you wrote, can I just say that I merely pictured you as someone who is intelligent and logical, rather than someone who has a 'problem'. I mean, it takes intelligence to realise that criticism is positive (because it keeps us in 'check', as you said). There was also just a sereness/calmness about your post that I thought was nice.

You never mentioned this, but are you a neat/tidy person in general?; and do uncertain situations nerve you?

Take care,
Kevin

I guess to me it's not consider insulting, I actually read the meaning behind the word and it fits me well...I suppose that is why I choose it.

It is funny that I forgot to include neat/tide, but I guess I just never thought about it. I can tolerate messiness but if I ever start cleaning, I tend to be very detailed...meaning I have to clean it perfectly or close to it to be satisfy. Anyhow, I do not see it as anything unusual as that is how I am on everything I do. If I were to do something, I tend to be very detailed or else I feel like I am not doing everything I am suppose to.

I do not feel like uncertain situation nerve me but rather, people in uncertain stiuations.

For example, a guy in my class complains about the mistreatment he gets from his girlfriend's family just because he is Mexican and she is Asian. Yet he tells me that he would disowned his daughter if she ever got with a black guy. It annoys the life out of me that he cannot see the irony in the situation.

As I said most of the time I am more shock by people's reaction in a situation rather then the situation itself.

I guess what I would like to know is, are there other people like me out there? And if yes, then what would people consider them as?

nErdy_mEe wrote:I guess what I would like to know is, are there other people like me out there? And if yes, then what would people consider them as?

Well - yes - there are people out there like you. What struck me so much about your post was the fact that you sound so much like me. I relate to a condition called Asperger's Syndrome which seems to define my characteristics quite well. I have a very logical brain like you seem to do too, and I feel that I get things done efficiently and properly. If they are not done that way, then I am not happy.

Hi there! I'm relatively new here, so I don't really think I can be of help. I still don't know what my problem is. I have hints but I've started a therapy and I'll wait to know what my therapist thinks about it.

Just like you, I have a tendency to analyse things and people. I won't say I'm very smart but I believe I am still smart and think a lot, maybe too much. I am not close to my relatives. I feel like a stranger to them as I believe they are strangers to me in spite of the time we've lived together. I'm not very expressive either, except when I'm drunk, otherwise the only thing I express easily at home would be anger too... And I have many friends, but no matter how close we can be, I don't actually "feel" close to them, I don't know how this feeling should be, so I don't know if I feel it or not. To me it's just normal. The same with my family. I know when something bad happens to them I feel sad, but then again I don't know if this sadness is real or the way I believe sadness for others should be. I only know my feelings as per myself. I don't know if you'll get that, it's kind of confusing.

People also come to me for advice, cause they say I give sound advice, not all of them but some of them. It is because I am able to analyse their situation without relating to it. I mean people sometimes only see what they want to see, this includes me too, so it takes someone who can analyse from the outside to show them something they are refusing to see. But I can't do the same for me. No matter how much I analyse myself, it will make no sense because I start with an already defined line of thought in my mind, my opinion about myself is biased. And otherwise to relate to what other people feel, I base myself on what I would feel in their situation, if I'm not only using my brain to think objectively that is, cause sometimes I know I have to be compassionate. It's disgusting to read this line "I know I HAVE to be compassionate"... So when it comes to other people's feelings, I don't truly know how they feel, though I used to think so, all I know is my interpretation of how they feel... And makes me feel like a very cold person... Like I can't feel anything actually for others but only for me...

And then I have my own way of "predicting the future", that is I analyse situations and people, and I virtualise conversations with them, like playing chess in my head, trying to guess what they could say, based on what I know of their personality and also past experiences, and I try to find countermeasures, dialogues, answers which are all but fictional but in the real relationship, I find a way to implement my thoughts... It's like rehearsing situations in my mind, and then put it in practice in real life, and if life doesn't bring along these situations, I create them myself to be able to put in practice what I rehearsed, cause I've also rehearsed the possible outcomes, so I have pre-rehearsed answers, and once again if I come across an outcome I had not predicted, I try to find a way to lead it to the path I want it to take... and so on and so on... This must be confusing too... I think I do that because I desperately want to have control on life... I want to be able to predict and control what other people will do to me, and even push them to hate me... this must sound crazy... You didn't say anything about doing things like this so this is where we differ.

Unlike you I can become very emotional. I became obsessed with a woman, not with the woman herself, but to have a compulsive need to be part of her life, even though this relationship leads me nowhere... I believe this is called emotional dependency. She calls me Drama King, it's to tell you... what I do and say when I get emotional.. she's sick of me now...

Like Chucky, I think you're a very smart person. So yes, there are people like you, part of me ressembles you, but only part of me. Be careful when you read stuff on the internet about psychology and personality disorders, cause you might end up thinking you have something you don't really have. From what you wrote, all I can see is that you are an intelligent person, you THINK... everybody thinks, but some people would rather feel than think, or think afterwards. But you still are able to enjoy moments which you spend with your family, meaning you do feel too, right? It's okay if you don't feel like dating the guys you know, dating shouldn't be an obligation. Like you, I don't know if I'll ever be able to have a close relationship one day, but if I find a clue about how to solve my situation, I'll share it with you. Or maybe you'll find the answer before me, then please share it with me.

Take care!

check out schizoid personality. That's what I have and I guess I can relate to your situation.
It's incredible how much sh*t a lot of people talk. Like your mexican friend for instance. Hypocrisy is everwhere.
Anyway to answer your question, I don't think there's anything intrinsically wrong with being a spectator rather than a participant. Problems only arise when you begin to envy the positions of participants or if your relationships with participants become tricky.

Everything you just said, with the exception of being female, I might as well as typed. Its almost creepy to hear someone else describe oneself and yourself at the same time, but also intriguing. I had always assumed that other people experienced similar, and I hate to call them this, symptoms. But to be as exact as you described is surprising.

The only additional details I can give that you haven't is that I've grown up around the military my entire life. I was a military brat who never lived in one place for more than 4 years. I was raised on a higher level of discipline than most. I was in Army JROTC in high school, I went to a military summer camp for a month, and I currently go to a military college. I will be going into the military when I graduate with a bachelor's in psychology. The military really helps keep me in check. Even with this constant system in place, I'm still kinda messy. I'm also one of the few who live by themselves on campus.

According to the DSM IV TR (I hate diagnosing myself, but I'll do it anyway), I do not have any disorder other than a sleep disorder. No schizoid personality disorder. No dysthymia with atypical or melancholic features(chronic and mild depression that produces a lack of interest in close relationships with mood brightening to positive events). And really, I, and from what I gather you as well, don't have any technical disorder because there is no dysfunction, distress, or danger to self or others. There is some deviance from the norms, but that's everywhere. I've come to accept that I just am. I don't like it, but don't hate it. I'm curious as to what it would be like to play the game, but I still am alright with sitting on the sideline and coaching. To quote the TV show Dexter, which you should watch if you don't, "I know all the words but I can't hear the music."

Lastly, I'd be interested to know why you think you are this way. I'd like to see how many parallels we share.

Replace attractive by funny, and I could have written it.