last chance

hi all. Those that know me from my troubles in the past; living with girlfriend 1 1/2 yrs, little evolved past kissing, sleeping seperate rooms.

well a month ago we talked again about things, still couldn't make progress on more intimacy. I said I thought it might be time to move on or at least move out and have space and let her think. She cried about it for a while but in the end she agreed.

The idea was a month, its been 3 weeks. We'd see each other mostly on saturdays but not just, there were a few other times. And she was more physical when we hung out, which grew leading up till now.

She told my mom she thinks I just am interested in the sex. That we don't talk enough. I try to talk to her about the near future; getting a house, her wanting to go back to school and how I'd support her. She doesn't think I talk with her enough, but I'm trying, and I sometimes feel its an excuse.

She said yesterday that she cares for me as much as I do for her, but that she's not sure if it will work out. She goes to her room sometimes and closes the door to read a book or watch a movie. She says I can come in anytime I want but I havn't got used to that cause I feel shut out. And she says she's upset I don't come in to spent time.

I went over today (staying at parents right now), to get my ps2 while she was at work. I left her milk, crossaints, ice tea, her favorite pop, banannas and what not. Her room I just emptied garbage, she has empty chip bags and gummie bags in the corner of her room, chucked those. Cleaned the bathroom top to buttom, cleaned the kitchen (all dishes) and appliances, vaccumed the living room, cleaned all her hamspter dishes and refilled them with fresh water and food. Tidyed up the entertainment center...spent almost 4 hours cleaning *laughs*. But she liked it she said when she got home.

She wants me to come over Monday after work to sit down and talk with her to see if things can work out. I don't know if I can save this relationship, and what I would have to do if I could.

Rob

Rob, you're a good person and it seems to me that you do everything you can to make her feel comfortable. Maybe she'll just never feel comfortable with sex, maybe there is something that's keeping her from being ok with it or wanting it. You shouldn't have to live like that.
Maybe you could tell her that things aren't fair to you this way. I mean, she doesn't have to give up on who she is and what she needs, so why should you? It's normal to need sex and it's obviously not all you want from her.

i forwarded your email to her, said I wrote in for advice and showed her the reply. I didn't think anything was in it to bother her. She said to call her tonight before hand, I called twice tonight and no answer.

I hope things work out for the two of you. I hope you realise I'm not a professional, by the way.

thanks for your support.

i still see her on a weekly basis. my new job is right across the street from the apartment where we live but i'm staying at my parents right now.

her mom is coming down, she wants her to be as a cousillor for us to talk to for the weekend because of her experience.
We'll see how that goes.

Remember that you have to think of your happiness first. I wish you luck!

thanks Jasmin. right now i'm living with my parents. i've decieded that i want to stay with her, and the only way i feel it will work is to live at my parents for now. if i move back in now everything will be the same.

i moved in with her too soon, so i'm trying the dating thing. one last chance at things. seeing her a couple times a week.

i'm making more money on my new job, pay cheques are a bit nicer. meanwhile she's still hunting for a new job so she can make more money cause she's squeezing by. i told her she should get a room mate (till we're living together again), to help her with rent. I'm helping her with the end of the month rent till then. But she's got power bill of 264 due, she showed it to me, i told her i can't afford to help (i can though). She said she knew, i don't know why she showed me then.

its just that i paid $300 cash on her vet bill not long ago and still was almost 500 left. So we each paid $75 shortly after. I got my own bills; visa, cell, gym, internet, groceries to worry about to. So I don't know if i should be helping her some this one more time till she gets a room mate. Were still close as a couple. I'm not sure how much I should help.

You should help as much as you can. A little distance might do you good and maybe if you don't go right back to the way things used to be, you two living together and sharing everything, including all the bills, you'll be able to see things more clearly. I really hope you will find what you need.

with us living apart, probably for a few months I wonder whats reasonable to except.

What I mean is; should she let me know how she feels every so often? Like if this is working or just go with the flow and enjoy time together and not worry about that.

things blew up this afternoon.

saturday is always our day together, so i usually wait for her to call. today i called her and she asked me to come over. when i got over its the casual hey s'up kindof attitude and lets go to the mall I need to get some 'necessities'. so i follow her there. she gets what she wants then says we can stop anywhere I need to, which we do.

but after, when were waiting for a bus to go back to the apt i wanted to know how things were between us. things seemed so casual for her when she would not see me after several days or a week. she said 'what am i supposed to do throw myself myself onto you' of course i saw nothing wrong with throwing her arms around me when she saw me, all i do for her, why can't i expect a little romance?

so i explain all this to her at the apt, while she is doing her dishes. I fiddle with a necklace she has on the table, i didn't realise it was something she was working on and that it was not connected. Of course half the beads then spill onto the floor and she's really upset. "i've worked on that for 5 hours!" i don't know how you work on a beaded necklace for 5 hours but I appoligized of course. She knew it wasn't my fault but was upset cause of the work involved. Her mood was bad, and i was ready to get out of there, i was getting mad at her tone.

we fought back and forth but she said i could stay and talk to her at the table but not to pick up any small objects.

that was my about my leaving point, i was insulted and offended and I left her place. i heard the door slam after i left, i assume she opened it, looked out and then slammed it again.

i think she needs cooling time. i left at 4pm, she works at 4pm tomorrow till midnight. should i message her before she goes to work or give it a couple days or let her connect me?