Unhealthy Obsession

Hi everyone, I'm new here.

I've been having a long-distance relationship with someone who lives 3000 miles away. We met on an anxiety support website, started getting to know each other very well and before I knew it I became emotionally attached to this person and started developing really strong feelings toward him. It was ok in the beginning, he said he'd come to California in the near future so we could meet but unfortunately time kept going by and nothing happened for the fact that he doesn't work and lives with his parents because of his health and anxiety problems.

My main concern here is my behavior. After a while I started acting in a really bizarre way, for example, I'd cancel email addresses and website profiles, would later come up with new ones only to cancel them again in an attempt to forget this person and move on with my life but I can't. Not only that but when he didn't reply to my emails I'd have these weird freak-outs and would call his house where his parents live multiple times crying my eyes out. This behavior is completely out of character and I'm starting to wonder if I've lost my mind. It takes a lot of effort to get through to this person because he has problems showing emotion and never showed much interest in me.

What can I do to move on and forget him? I'm the type of person that will only look for someone else after I'm completely over the person I'm in love with, which makes it so much harder. Any advice?

Thank you guys, so much!

HI missvl,

Look, if you want love someone in your life, then you need to understand your partner. You are YOU. Try not to force others to behave like you. They will love you in their best way. Whatever, it may be. If he has emotion and health problems, then you should try to help them. If you don't do that, do you know what does it mean? Have you ever tried to think in this way? First of you had shared lot of expressions and now you are trying to ignoring him. Just think of him, moments you both had passed will never removed from your both of lives, but yes pain will be there.

I am not forcing you, just trying to tell you actual position of your life, where it will go if you think in that way.

Thanks

Thanks for your advice. I think you're right! I've been focusing a little too much on myself instead of being more empathetic toward him and the stuff he has to deal with.

Thanks so much.

When you are chatting with him, are you doing it from home or from work ? Also, where does he chat from ?

I've noticed an Internet community phenomenon that our mind somehow accepts cyber friends as our home mates. And consequently, gets close with them as you'd get close to a family member or a room mate that you live with. It's almost like a physical presence. It can be dangerous if you obsess with it, and spend too much time doing it.

Hi two_roads!

We don't really chat, we talk on the phone two to three times a week, we've been doing that for the past two years. I usually call him from home or my cell and he does the same. We email each other a lot too.

I agree with you that obsessing with it can be dangerous but we've been there for each other through thick and thin, he's always forgiving of my freak-outs and erratic behavior because of this situation, and I've supported him as well when he was going through a really tough time last year. We've developed a very strong bond and I love this person with all my heart. But there really is no substitute for face-to-face interaction and there are certain things you will never find out unless you're there, experiencing things with the other person. I'm well aware of that.

We're going to meet this summer and I'll be spending my birthday with him. Pray for me guys, and wish me luck!