a question about sex from men

i have one question.
always whenever we are in bed, my husband asks me to prepare him/to erect his o ,,,means its my responsibility to erect his 0 and if he is not ready to have sex, its my fault...and on the other hand he thinks my role in sex is just to have his 0 . i dont need any kind of preparation or oral type love. he needs most of the time the oral sex,,to erect him.
i just cant argue on this topic with him. i cant convince him that i need some preparation...soft touch etc.
can you tell me how to solve these issues...atleast this one..
pl help once agian.
thanks

meina wrote:i have one question.
always whenever we are in bed, my husband asks me to prepare him/to erect his o ,,,means its my responsibility to erect his 0 and if he is not ready to have sex, its my fault...and on the other hand he thinks my role in sex is just to have his 0 . i dont need any kind of preparation or oral type love. he needs most of the time the oral sex,,to erect him.
i just cant argue on this topic with him. i cant convince him that i need some preparation...soft touch etc.
can you tell me how to solve these issues...atleast this one..
pl help once agian.
thanks

Hey meina

He is telling true for one point, that you can help him for erection. It is needed for sex and important too. It is called as foreplay. I think you should try to understand this process. You may call it as pre-processor. But needing most time, it is not ok. Cause oral sex should be done by both side of couple. Then you will enjoy having sex with partner. So tell him calmly you also needed as he needs oral sex.

meina wrote:i have one question.
always whenever we are in bed, my husband asks me to prepare him/to erect his o ,,,means its my responsibility to erect his 0 and if he is not ready to have sex, its my fault...and on the other hand he thinks my role in sex is just to have his 0 . i dont need any kind of preparation or oral type love. he needs most of the time the oral sex,,to erect him.
i just cant argue on this topic with him. i cant convince him that i need some preparation...soft touch etc.
can you tell me how to solve these issues...atleast this one..
pl help once agian.
thanks

Hi meina,

I am sorry to hear that your husband is not sensitive to your own needs , but just to his own. Of course sex can't be successful without a good erection, and also the full erection can't be achieved without your help, but at the same time, there can't be sex without natural lubrication either.. and you can't get prepared / lubricated without his contribution - basic biological conditions for a good sex. Not sure why he sees it only from his perspective though.. His erection won't do much if you are dry, tense, and frustrated - which will happen if he doesn't prepare you properly.

How to tell him ? try talking about this with him outside the bedroom.. don't do it while you are in the bed about to have sex ( for now)... catch a moment when he is in a good mood, e.g. when you are relaxing at home watching TV, or as you walk in the park, etc... then do not address it with " you are this or that.. - don't sound reproaching", but start with " I don't feel right when I'm not taken care of , or when no affection / attention is given to my physical needs, etc.. ' it makes me feel frustrated.. ".. basically, use " I" sentences, not " You" sentences, while explaining the issue. That way you will address the issue without directly reproaching him or criticizing him ( which guys generally hate- to be criticized, and it's also bad for their erection, and his erection is in your best interest ).. if he however doesn't react after this, and doesn't change anything, then you have a bigger problem- that is he has one, possibly a P.D. - you will know he is insensitive about your needs, and just thinks about his own.

I think it's awful that he puts the blame on you because he isn't able to get an erection, foreplay is supposed to be fun for both parties, not just for him....

It isn't your fault though....

thank for all who replied,
i want to clear something ,,,,,in fact he says he have to erect it means he have to do something ,,,but i dont have to do anything .....means i dont have to be ready for sex.
he always argue whenever i try to explain my position...
he says when i am not wet ,,i am more sexy,,when i am wet he doesnt feel anything...inside.
its really a big problem for me. i am used to suck/foreplay for him since 14 years or so...now i am really tired ,,,and frustrated. its not fun for me ,,now its punishment to have sex. .....
he always blame on me,,,,like i said so ..so his o is not ready,,i wear something wrong so his o is not ready.....whereas i used to take care of his choices at my level best....and i used to take care of evrything he likes...or dislikes...etc.
i am tired now. somtimes i watch rape movies and enjoy,,,and think atleast these rapists o is not something you have to preprare for....means their organ is erected it self so its great!
its not natural to think like that but i dont know ,,why it happend to me...why i like to think like that.
he says when he is ready for sex, i culd enjoy...but without any foreplay i cant enjoy...he does not understand ....simply i cant mke him understand why ?
any word to convince him ,,,,or men just dont like to give some pleasure to their partner? they just think its wastage of time ? they dont like it really?
i am confused about the topic ....
help pl..
thanks

meina wrote:thank for all who replied,
i want to clear something ,,,,,in fact he says he have to erect it means he have to do something ,,,but i dont have to do anything .....means i dont have to be ready for sex.
he always argue whenever i try to explain my position...
he says when i am not wet ,,i am more sexy,,when i am wet he doesnt feel anything...inside.
its really a big problem for me. i am used to suck/foreplay for him since 14 years or so...now i am really tired ,,,and frustrated. its not fun for me ,,now its punishment to have sex. .....
he always blame on me,,,,like i said so ..so his o is not ready,,i wear something wrong so his o is not ready.....whereas i used to take care of his choices at my level best....and i used to take care of evrything he likes...or dislikes...etc.
i am tired now. somtimes i watch rape movies and enjoy,,,and think atleast these rapists o is not something you have to preprare for....means their organ is erected it self so its great!
its not natural to think like that but i dont know ,,why it happend to me...why i like to think like that.
he says when he is ready for sex, i culd enjoy...but without any foreplay i cant enjoy...he does not understand ....simply i cant mke him understand why ?
any word to convince him ,,,,or men just dont like to give some pleasure to their partner? they just think its wastage of time ? they dont like it really?
i am confused about the topic ....
help pl..
thanks

(( meina ))) I am so sorry you have to put up with this.

It looks like you've already tried talking with him, but it didn't result in any fruitful changes.

It also looks like you are in some kind of psychologically and physically inferior position to him that had been rooted long time ago. The basis for all this must be your low self - esteem. Do you have any access to a good counselor anywhere near you ? In a therapy, you could learn how to say " NO" , etc.. If the situation is like this, then you virtually have three options:

1. refuse to have sex with him altogether until he tries to change his behavior in sex / foreplay. I'd choose this one if I were you. Didactic abstinence. For this , you will also have to learn to control yourself, that is, sometimes YOU may need / want sex, but you will still have to say NO, because this will bring you more joy in this long run.

2. leave him, at least for a short while

3. find a lover ( not sure if your culture, ethics, personality etc allows this )

I have no words to describe a man who says he likes to thrust into a dry woman.. it seems like he has tendencies of a rapist / sadist / narcissist. Totally insensitive. He treats you like a sex object, not like a human being. Again, sorry you have to cope with this, but hope is definitely there and you can be happy- seek help in friends / family / therapy. If he persists with this, you'll have to leave him, because what he shows with this behavior is an utter disrespect and humiliation.

sex is about 2 people, and he's just being selfish.
You should either talk to him about it or refuse to have sex with him because you aren't 'ready' as it were. Then he would have to work for it.
alternatively, you could always punch him where it hurts and pretend it was an accident.