Unable to make friends

whew!!that was a serious problem of yours..is there any instances that you are trying to ask them or people around why is it most of them doesn't get along with you???maybe in this way you could find out why and how to solve your problems about that...

Well are you finding things in common with people?

I am generally not good at meating people, god forbid names. Or spelling for that matter. (<---spelling of 'meating' lol)


What is not hard to notice is you generally need to have somehting in common with the individuals. RC cars, full size cars, pool (billards), working out, gaming, hockey, mountain biking, gardening etc...hell drinking beer is a good one.

All of those but gaming and gardening have aided in friends ships for me.

You may be able to save a dog from a fire, but that doesnt mean the people will never forget. Yeah it is a irreplaceable deed, but people forget everything unless there is a reason to remember.

Jonathon wrote:I don't think you've found the right therapist yet.

I keep wishing therapy will work, but I won't do it again. Honestly, can't afford it anymore. I blew an insane amount on Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy only to find out it's a complete waste of time. And that's after spending on a small fortune on therapy for the last 10 years and not accomplishing anything.

For years I did talk therapy just to have someone to talk to. It was worth $100 a week just to have someone to ask how things are going. But it didn't help. I usually get to a point with a therapist where it's like I've been going to them for a year, spent all sorts of money, and they still don't get me.

I just don't think my brain works like normal people. I end up arguing with therapists because they make assumptions about me that are just not true. They think I'm being defensive or that they've gotten to the root of my problem, when in fact, it's just not even close to how I think or feel. I don't know if it makes sense or not.

I end up arguing with therapists because they make assumptions about me that are just not true. They think I'm being defensive or that they've gotten to the root of my problem, when in fact, it's just not even close to how I think or feel. I don't know if it makes sense or not.

It makes perfect sense to me. Therapy only works through the relationship with the therapist - if you have trouble with relationships in the rest of your life, how is it ever going to work with a therapist.

I am in a similar situation. I have never had what i would consider 'real' friends, and I never seem to connect with people generally - including my parents. I have been with a therapist for about 7 years now and it is hard going but my instincts tell me that this is the only way I will ever resolve anything. I don't kid myself into thinking I will ever be 'cured', but I am certain it is possible to live a life relatively free from anxiety.

I know everyone is different and I don't necessarily think your situation is the same as mine, but I do absolutely know what truly being isolated and alone feels like - and I would not recommend it to my worst enemy. I also know the paradox that feeling alone and disconnected is not something you can deal with alone. Its not an easy situation to be in by any stretch of the imagination.

Other people annoying you, a family that didn't seem to notice you, a father that you have no relationship with, the feeling that very little about your life is of your own choosing etc. all needs to be examined and talked about in detail. It needs to be brought out in the open and the emotional core of it needs to be experienced through to its natural conclusion - as hard as that may be - its the only way forward. Anything else is an illusion. At the very least start making a habit of writing about it in a journal and stick at it for the long term.

I still recommend therapy - Its expensive but I carry on with it because I honestly feel I cant afford not to. Its just a trick to find the right person. Also remember that arguing with them is important if you feel you need to - just make sure you can also discuss why you think the therapist doesn't understand and keep at it, and keep at it until you break through.

I hope you find your way.

All the best.

22, male
I have had the same problem ever since becoming severely depressed in my early teens. It's like living on the moon. There is just no one. It seems that people are far more attracted to those that are in a pleasant mood (from personal experience of being in a good mood). Are you usually depressed/anxious?

I think you're not looking hard enough for people to speak to? I feel like there are people all over who can intellectually stimulate you. I think you need to lower your standards and talk to anyone willing.

If you have trouble starting conversations with strangers, you first go to events where everyone is expected to meet new folks. That way, you can practice just introducing yourself to people who want you to talk to them. After hello, you can talk about the theme of the event, what it’s about, and whether the other person comes regularly to these events or it’s their first time. And that is a great Segway to talking about what they do and what you do.

helloo dear, i think you are shy and limited. try to involve in all discussion with your friends and go for outing with friends. Be happy and enjoy!