Too used to being on my own

I'm not sure I'm capable of having a relationship anymore. I've been on my own for too long. I'm used to being able to to what I want when I want. Has anyone else been on their own for a long time? Does a relatioship feel like giving up your freedom?

Relationships always feel that way to me. I like my freedom too much, which is why I prefer to remain single. I had a fair bit of freedom with my last gf which is why I was able to stay with her for 4 years. As long as you can meet a girl that gives you your space, you'll be okay even if you're used to being alone. It helps if she has lots of friends too. That way you can tell her to get lost every now and then without her getting pissed.

Parador wrote:I'm not sure I'm capable of having a relationship anymore. I've been on my own for too long. I'm used to being able to to what I want when I want. Has anyone else been on their own for a long time? Does a relatioship feel like giving up your freedom?

hi parador,

Your question has one answer and it is in every relationship there should be freedom. Freedom means give time to them, give time to understand them, give time to love them and also give trust to them.

You know how free mind works like parachute. It is same applied to any relationship if you give some fresh air to it, it will become mind blowing. Freedom is needed in relationship. You can't let others caged in relationship. This is against of nature's rules.

Thanks

Yeah I feel like I’ve learn to be content on my own that the reasons for entering a relationship are becoming more and more pointless.
I guess it kind of like learning to drive a car if you do it your 20’s it will probably become I natural part of everyday life that you couldn’t do with out. But if you wait till later on in life to learn it will take longer to pick up and probably end up not bothering because you’ve already arranged your life to take into account that you don’t drive. Anyway that’s my crummy analogy.

I sympathize completely, Parador. I didn't attempt a semi-serious relationship until I was 18. At that point, I was actually quite offended when the idea came up that I was to consider the impact of my usual actions on him. I've always been the type to do whatever I feel like dong. For one, I have a lot of male friends and think nothing of hanging out with them one on one or late at night, but apparently that was something that wasn't approved of. That may play in to why I dumped him, but it wasn't the main reason.

Anyway, I really like coldhands' metaphor. I also think it would be easier to 'learn to drive' per say, if you were learning to accomodate someone who you really enjoy spending time with and who is far more clear about what she feels and wants than the subject of your last topic.

I'm sure you are capable of forming a relationship with the right person. ALthough, like you, I see it as a loss of some freedoms, the other benefits of a good relationship will probably be worth it.

I don't believe having a relationship means I would have to give up freedom. I would just find a relationship where my partner did not want to take away my rights, like telling me to never play a video game or telling me not to say what I want or talk to whoever I want to. I don't mind comprimsing time because it would be what I choose to do, and free to do.

I think for me it feels more like compromising ones identity rather than freedom.
If you have been out of a relationship for long enough being single and self sufficient becomes part of your identity and who you are. Getting into a relationship changes all off that.

I guess it kind of like learning to drive a car if you do it your 20’s it will probably become I natural part of everyday life that you couldn’t do with out. But if you wait till later on in life to learn it will take longer to pick up and probably end up not bothering because you’ve already arranged your life to take into account that you don’t drive. Anyway that’s my crummy analogy.

Not really the best analogy. I didn't drive until age 30. Now I drive 1000 miles a week. I go all over - Montreal, Ottawa, Boston, Albany, Hartford. And I'm used to being able to just take off for one of those places at a moment's notice. A relationship would hold me back. I would resent missing the Boston Symphony because I had to do something with my gf. If I had a choice between sex or hearing Mahler's 3rd Symphony at Symphony Hall in Boston I would pick the Symphony.

I think the trick would be to find someone who thinks like you. So whatever you decide you want to do, your gf would want in.

But I suppose that is easier said than done, I don't think many avoidant men usually initiate relationships. Which means you would have to find someone who not only thinks like you, but is hunting for someone like you.

That's the problem - I'm such a stinking weirdo! I like the symphony, opera and zombie movies. I also love chess and porn.