Am I using her?

Ok so I dated this girl a year ago for about 4-5 months, we turned out to be very different people so I broke up with her althought we did successfully remain friends. But then she told me she still wanted to have sex with me... Kinda "friends with benefits" style... anyways we've had this kind of relationship for about 4 months now and I think she might still be in love with me and I feel like she is expecting us to get back together which I definetly DO NOT want to do.

Now she wants to get me a christmas present and I feel like her spending money on me would be something a couple would do for eachother (I exclusively exchange christmas gifts with family).

I just feel like she is trying to win me back or something. I'm really thinkin I should stop the sex relationship because it is making me feel guilty cause I feel like I have been leading her on with this kind of relationship.

Hi

Dude, if you are feeling that she is trying to mend your relationship with her then give her one chance again. May be she want to change some thing. Yes, you both can become good couple. So i am telling you one more important thing that you need to talk to her to stop sex between you both. This is very important, if you don't tell her that what you want and don'ts from her, it may become a very big misunderstanding between you both.
Clarification plays a big role in relationship.

Thnks

I don't understand why you would feel as if you were using her. She's the one who suggested the current relationship; not you. If you like the current setup, then leave it as is. You just need to make it clear to her that you're not looking to get back together.

If you really don't love her anymore you should stop your sex relationship with her. In the end, she might pretend that she's pregnant for you to go back to her.

^^^

Can't believe I forgot that part. Always have your own protection. You never know if she might pull something.

cgraham23 wrote:Ok so I dated this girl a year ago for about 4-5 months, we turned out to be very different people so I broke up with her althought we did successfully remain friends. But then she told me she still wanted to have sex with me... Kinda "friends with benefits" style... anyways we've had this kind of relationship for about 4 months now and I think she might still be in love with me and I feel like she is expecting us to get back together which I definetly DO NOT want to do.

Now she wants to get me a christmas present and I feel like her spending money on me would be something a couple would do for eachother (I exclusively exchange christmas gifts with family).

I just feel like she is trying to win me back or something. I'm really thinkin I should stop the sex relationship because it is making me feel guilty cause I feel like I have been leading her on with this kind of relationship.

Yes, you're using her. No, that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Just because you exclusively exchange gifts with family does not mean everyone does it this way. I give gifts to family, close friends, important business associates . . .

You two need to do some communicating, stat. You need to explain EXACTLY what your attitude toward your relationship with her is, and what it is and is not going to be in the future. Then you need to find out EXACTLY how she feels about you and what her reasons are behind doing the things she does. It's one thing to use each other for sexual gratification if that's where you're both coming from. If she's going along with this just in hopes of getting your romantic relationship back, then you need to let her go and get reacquainted with Mr. Right Hand for a while.

I don't think you were using her because you thought the two of you were of the same understanding that it was just a sexual thing. Now that you know she is getting other ideas unless you want the same thing I think you should break up with her. Other wise your just giving her false hope and thats not a very nice thing to do to someone.

NaughtyKitty wrote:get reacquainted with Mr. Right Hand for a while.

What if he is left-handed?

If you feel that she is wanting to get back into the relationship then I'd suggest you talk about what is really happening between the two of you.

The case could be that she wants to make changes for you or try a little harder next time, though a relationship takes work from both people.

If she wants a relationship again and you do not, I'd suggest you quit the 'friends with benefits' routine because that's it simply leading her on which may not seem too terrible but it can cause emotional stress/damage.

Illusions wrote:If she wants a relationship again and you do not, I'd suggest you quit the 'friends with benefits' routine because that's it simply leading her on which may not seem too terrible but it can cause emotional stress/damage.

I disagree. It was her that suggested the relationship. He's 100% unaccountable for whatever happens. The girl knew the job was dangerous when she took it.

Keep having sex if you want. Just keep making it clear you want nothing further. It's a win-win situation. Sooner or later she'll get pissed off and leave. Then you won't ever have to worry about her wanting to hook up with you ever again.