Should I get back with my ex husband?

Well I divorced my husband a few months ago. I had to move back in with my Grandparents who are very much to themselves, they don't talk to me at all. Not even hello. I don't know anyone in this town. I feel so depressed and alone, then my ex husband keeps calling me saying we should get back together. Our marriage was unbearable to me because of our constant fighting. He completely changed after we got married. We disagreed about everything. He told me he wanted kids, he wanted to support me while I attended college, he wanted to help me get a car. Then when we got married he suddenly didn't want kids, he thought college was a waste of time and I didn't need a car. He wouldn't let me leave the house on my own because he was afraid that I would be kidnapped. We just fought all the time so I finally asked for a divorce and he was sweet again. Then when I moved out, he helped me move and he was so sweet like before we were married.

Now he is calling me saying we ought to get back together and he has changed because he sees how much he loves me. That would be heaven if he did. I don't know what I should do. I feel so alone in this city. I think about giving it another year, do you think I should just cut off ties with him?

You had grievances before you left home. I would keep those grievances in mind.

Make a list with the grievance, and how you wanted the grievance resolved before you married. In other words, remind yourself of the reasons you left.

It sounds to me like being together with him is only a decent option because you are unhappy living with your grandparents.

Maybe try getting out on your own.

Yeah give it some time.

I guess your right. I'm just so depressed over everything that has happened. Sometimes I think its better to be with someone you are not happy with than to be alone.

Well it's true you have to be happy with the person.

But sometimes I guess the other person isn't ready to relate to you the way you need.

I think it's pretty natural to have a break up and wonder whether it was the right thing to do. My wife did. She and I had a breakup before we were married and she had to live with her sister which was a bit humiliating. Anyway, we took time off and it worked out. But there was a 3 month period where we did not communicate at all. I think if you're going to break up, you owe it to yourself to make it clean. Then you can really evaluate whether you're truly happier now. But if you stay in contact with the person, you can't as clearly assess because he's around as an influence.

Ours could have gone either way. She needed changes from me and I had to get therapy in order to make them. I was compliant because I didn't want to lose her. I needed some foundation principles from her that she was willing to live with as my partner. We arm wrestled it through over 6 months, at arms length, and managed to make things work. But if I'd been more of an asshole, or she, we would have broke up. We had to both want it enough to make the real changes.

I guess the hard part is figuring out how sincere the other person might be when it comes to making the vital changes.

The nice thing about being separated is that you can leverage any efforts to move back in together with your own demands for behavior changes on his part.

Hiii

I think you should give him one chance. Because according to me forgiving someone is greatest quality of human. If he had a lot of repent then give him a chance. Another thing is that if you are really feeling alone then why don't u think to live your life with him?

It is better to live with your husband inspite of living such a unknown city. . Don't you think?

i can relate... i'm living in a new city where i don't know anyone. all of that alone time gives you time to think about things. that can be very dangerous, yet helpful at the same time. are you ready to get back into a life where someone is overly protective of you? overprotective doesn't necessarily always equal love, darling. it can be very hard being alone, but it can be harder being with someone who won't allow you to ever be alone at all. i'll end this with my fave quote... "you have to know what love isn't before you know what love is"

All I really hear is that you are lonely. If you had friends and were having fun where you are now, would you want to go back to him? Make sure you're truly aware of your reasons. What you're saying doesn't sound like valid reasons.

Keep in mind how hard it is to change strong patterns. My gf broke up with me the first time August 07. I wrote very sincere letters of how it would be different. I truly believed I could change just from the shock of the breakup. She came back and my needy desperate problems came back. Now we've been broken up for nearly a year and I go to a therapist. I truly believe I would be different now after all this time of working on it, but she acts like she hates me. If you go back now without any strong evidence he's really worked on the problems, you may never forgive him if he goes right into the same patterns again, just like my gf. In hindsight, she would have been kinder to me to make sure I worked on the issues, then gave me another chance.

MandMs u are totally 100% wrong....u are just wrong sry...are u that afraid of being alone?...note that people who are afraid of lonliness have a very little confident...for me im so social i have some good firiends(thanks god for this gift) and i always need some time to be alone....u are totally wrong wow

If you get back with him, he will start behaving the same way he did while you were married, mistreating you and trying to control everything you do or think about.

This is a personality type that likes to have a victim/a captive to control. Very dangerous. I would not advise you to get tangled in his web again, by any means.

Well, i'm all for you getting back with your ex and all that sounds good. I think sometimes people flat out don't put enough effort into relationships sometimes. All the things you said he did were things that needed to be talked about and negotiated.. when he decided college, kids and letting you leave out the house was too much for him to compromise on, negotiations ended and the relationship failed.

Now that he's trying to sweet talk you and you're obviously vulnerable you don't want to cave and get back together with him just because you're lonely, that might give you more heart break before. This will be like an actual job, think it over and make a DETAILED list about all the reasons you left him in the first place. If kids are something you want in life, make sure he is aware of that and ask him specifically why he doesn't want kids. Ask him specifically why college is a waste. Tell him that leaving the house while not always safe, it'll be safe for HIM if he values you still being in a relationship with him.

Negotiate, and definitely don't neglect asking him what he was unhappy with when the relationship ended either.