Don't know what do.

So there's this guy. We've been talking for a few months now but I've never actually met him. Had to leave Tennessee before I had a chance. And I guess I've sort of developed feelings for him, as well as you can for someone you've never met that is.

I've had this feeling that he's got a thing for me too for a while now. And I think I'm right. He's never really gone into too much serious stuff with me until lately. And last night, well he sort of brought it. Put me on the spot, told me he's considering getting with this girl he used to date, but he said he wanted me to make the decision for him. Asked me if it would bother me. Asked me how I felt about him, if I just liked him as a friend or more.

I was speechless, didn't know how to accuratly express my feelings for him. It's such a complicated situation and I guess you could say that after all the $#%^ I've been through, I'm afraid to admit my feelings. I don't want to be vulnerable again. If I don't tell him I don't have to risk getting hurt, or more importantly, I don't have to worry about him knowing that he's hurt me if he does something.

But I have to admit, even with the distance and not having met him, I think it would bother me. The girl is married. He asked me if I thought it would be wrong and I told him that I did. He said he wanted me to give him an excuse to not do it, which I take it means telling him I have feelings for him. I don't know if he is serious or if he is using this to get me to admit my feelings for him, if he's trying to make me jealous.

I am so confused. I don't want to lose him as a friend but if he starts dating her (or if I won't admit how I feel) I'm afraid he might stop talking to me. I talk to him practically every night and he has become almost like another best friend (and more) to me. I don't want to lose that, don't want to lose him. He's the first person in a while to actually make me feel good about myself, to make me feel special, like I matter.

He knows about the cutting, knows about my depression. And though it makes him sad he doesn't look down on me because of it.

And there was something else that he said today that surprised me. He said he knew how it felt to be Danielle (my best friend--he knows how protective she is of me.) And he can always sense when I'm down. Like the other day, when I cut, he talked to me a few hours later and he knew that I'd been crying, asked me about it before I could tell him. And he guessed that I had hurt myself is well. It's just all so strange, this sort of connection we have. It's unreal.

I have no idea what to do. Do I tell him or not? The only answer I gave him was "I don't know". He said he knew that I did know, that maybe I would be able to tell him tomorrow, if not over the phone than in a message over myspace and then we said good-bye.

I really just don't know what to do. I've never experienced anything like this before, never developed feelings for someone whom I haven't actually met and the one person who I feel I could even begin to discuss this with is Danielle and of course that's not possible. So I have to make the decision on my own, have to come up with something to tell him. And quick. Something that won't ###$ all of this up.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I really have no clue what to do.

Do you want to be with him? It sounds a bit immature to me that he'd ask you to decide for him if he should be with that married woman. It's not fair of him to pressure you like this. Maybe he does care about how you feel for him and about you. It's nice that you can count on him as a friend.
Could you try to tell him what you told us here about how complicated things are and how hard it is for you and why? He should understand or at least give you time, if he deserves you.

I don't know if I want to be with him or not. Being that I can't return to Tennessee for another 23 months I don't think it would be fair to either one of us. And yes, I agree, it is very childish. Of course I can't make that decision for him, it's his life, not mine. Even just the fact that he would think about being with someone who is married bothers me. But for some reason I'm still hooked...

I thought about just letting him read what I wrote here but I really don't want to be that vulnerable. So I don't know....

You could re-write it for him in an email or something. I hope he sees that he hasn't been treating you well. It's ok to be hooked, it happens to everyone