Control

Ok. So.

I am with this guy, I'm sure I've posted about him before and have said that I'm pretty sure I won't marry this guy for a lot of different reasons. He is a very nice and generous person, but it almost seems like there is a price to pay for it all. I'm starting to feel trapped.

Well. I called his ex girlfriend today. I wanted to ask her if he had ever physically hurt her. She said no, that it was all emotional, her life was very isolated, etc. As is mine, I really do not feel like a regular independant adult. I also called her to tell her that she needs to change her e-mail password because he's been looking in her e-mails because she has the dog that they bought together and, well that's his excuse for why he checks it, but I know he does because he's checking up on HER. He doesn't think it's wrong to do this.

There are things about him that the minute I moved in made my internal alarms go off, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I remember I had done the laundry one night, but was so tired that I forgot to switch it to the dryer so it sat out all night. I woke up early the next morning and remembered, so I go and start the washer to re-wash them. He freaks out. He's like "What are you doing?" I told him and then he starts lecturing me "You need to remember to change the load because it will get the mildew smell!" And he wasn't being nice about it either, it was like he had this attitude I'm not sure if the word is condescending or not but it was like I was a complete idiot.

So over the course of the next month or so he would do this about different things. Not everyday, but just when it came to subjects about me not doing things the way HE does them.

So now it's the fourth month, and yeah I bet you are wondering why I'm still here. Well that is simple. I don't have a car, I don't have money, and I have a crappy job that doesn't pay crap, and even though I did get a new job that will pay more, I'm waiting for them to call for the orientation day.

So I guess my question is, am I the one who is wrong about all of this? Or do I really have a case of a controlling boyfriend?

To help answer that I'll give you some more info.

I asked him this morning if we could go meet his friends and he said no because they are always busy and he doesn't want to bug them. So far I've only met his parents who both love me to pieces but are very my-son-has-problems-but...I'm pretty sure if I told his mother about this behavior she would probably defend him.

He use to be a Marine, so he cuts his hair the same as a marine even though he is now 36 years old and he's been out of the marines for many years, everything in his house HAS to be emaculate or it will drive him nuts, everything I do has to be the right way or perfect or he will start talking to me in that condescending way as if I am just the most obtuse idiot ever known to walk the earth, and when I'm doing something that reminds him of his ex girlfriend, he uses that as a way to make me feel bad. Even if its something as simple as wanting to eat a certain food. LIke if we are grocery shopping and I want to buy a new cereal it HAS to be sugar-free even if he's not going to eat it. Yet he will eat chocolate cake, or go eat fast food, pizza, etc. He just contradicts himself. And I don't have the money to buy it myself or I would just to show him that I am my own adult and I'm not a child that he can mold.

Sometimes he'll be telling me about stories in the news that are just horrendous and I don't want to hear it like things that are really really mentally disturbing and he gets mad at me if I don't want to talk about it. Or if I don't want to watch horror movies. He says I'm isolating myself from the world. I just don't want to have a nightmare about it. I think I have that right not to watch those things.

I am just so obviously confused about this situation and I don't know if it's me or if I'm actually right in what my intuition is telling me.

Hey,

Yes, it certainly sounds like he is controlling you and the entire relationship. Unless you act now, you are destined for a life of feeling trapped. What do we normally do when something doesn't feel right? - We change it. Perhaps you need to change this entire situation for your benefit.

No-one deserves to be controlled by anyone else and you are not at a dead-end. If you want out of the relationship, then just leave and never look back. Don't accept second best, and don't be afraid of making big decisions. Rather, you should embrace big decisions because it is those that can take our life the furthest.

Kevin.