How do i ask him what his agenda is? and, where do i fit in?

Oky, so.

I have this wonderful boyfriend. That im quite sure im in love with (need to put down the paranoia barriers down.) He's a teacher, theres a small age gap (7years), but thats fine with me. He's had some trouble at work where some bad results may be pinned on him. So he's come to da conclusion that he needs to look for a new job whice means him moving aswell.
He's said he's looking within the area.... but.

What if theres nothing in the area.
He's got till september, which is 6 monthes away now, but.

I dont know what to think.

I love him more than i've ever loved a bloke. And it kills me to think dat were going down a dead end path. I've told him BIG things about me and my past, whice I've never told anyone else. The fact that i'v given him my heart although im very apprahensive. As he's my first love, and i havnt had my heart broken before ,and i dont want it broken.

I cant do long distance relationships. I have to see him more than once a week, or i go mad with parnoia. But ive only known him for two months, and been dating him for one. So i dont feel im able to pressume, suggest or even feel its justifyin enough to move to where ever with him. I do have da abilitie too as im an au-pair and my time with the family im with now comes to an end in the summer, but....

I almost feel want to end it now so i can lessen the pain my heart will feel.

How do i bring up what his agenda is? Or, what i really feel on the matter? What does he want me to say? or, do?

There was a possabiltie this was going to happen before, and i asked him wether it was going to result in him moving back to where he's from. he said "he didnt think so, and he couldnt bear the thought of being that far away from me."

SO

i get so confused

Ok get into an objective mode and ask yourself this.
Is he someone you would let your daughter date?

Miss-messy, why don't you wait and see if he finds something there. You can ask him if he'd move far away, even if it meant that he wouldn't be able to be with you any more.

Is he someone you would let your daughter date?

He's to good for me, he's not in my league. I left school with no qualifications at all! He has mates that have PHD's, are in to oil trading and talk in detail about wine. It's a completly different league.
He's got his problems, and we're very similer in are outlook, character and mental dispositions.
I cant belive he's into me and every now and then i have to pinch myself, or ring him and make sure he hasnt gone off me.
He's a respectful guy, who's passionate about... everything.

So i would, without a doubt!

why don't you wait and see if he finds something there. You can ask him if he'd move far away, even if it meant that he wouldn't be able to be with you any more

I dont want to give him an ultinatum. He loves his work. There's a stupid irrational fear within me that he'll turn around and say "you aint that special." I know it's silly he wouldnt think that, and I know he wouldnt be that blunt, even if he was thinking it.

I want too work out what his thinking is. shall he suggest me going wherever with him.
I need to find out sooner rather than later. If we do end up breaking it of.... (oh god i cant take dis).... him moving or whatever. then i want too know now. un-realistic demand that it is.

I cant wait around like a sitting duck. Falling further in love. I hate the un-known, un-steadyness. I cant live with it hanging over my head, and are relationship, for the next god knows how many months ahead.

Ive found love i dont want to have to let it go.

He knows all of my ###$ up, hang ups, everything and he still... god i cant, i wudnt be able to get through it if we... broke off.
I wrote a really honest list of all the things i hate about myself including habits, intelligence, looks, the lot. He looked at it and said most of the things on the list are things he loves about me, and all the others are irelavant.

What do you have to offer him in a partnership in his life?

It seems to me that he is a great guy. I think you are over-analyzing this and it's making you freak out because you want so much for this to be it. It can be it though. You have to start seeing it that way.

The hard part is this. If he see's that you do not love yourself, that you are very weak, that you are very needy, it is going to turn him off eventually. And when you start to see the signs of him being turned off you will get worse and freak out even more. That is where it will downfall.

You listed off all of the things you hate about yourself to him and he said he loved every single one. Maybe you should be loving those things as well. It's easy to say oh I'm stupid because I did something stupid or keep doing certain stupid things that lead me to fail, etc. The fact that you recognize your failures as things that need to be improved on in itself is smart.

Did you think to list off the things that you love about yourself? Also, sometimes it's not always good to show him the things you write down. That is for YOU. Your eyes and your mind to write out, analyze, and be your own therapist. You know what's best for you more than anyone else. That is another way to show yourself how much inner strength you have.

How can anyone rely on you as a person, if you cannot rely on yourself?

You have got to snap out of it hon. He hasn't left yet. The more you freak out and SHOW him why he shouldn't be with you, the more he will start to believe it.

You have got to show him why he SHOULD be with you. That you are a strong woman, a loving person to herself, forget what people say about being out of someones league, etc. It's so over-rated these days it's absolutely rediculous. I am with a man who I would have never DREAMED I could ever have. He loves you, there must be some damn good things about you. He actually SEE's your inner strength and potential. You just have to see it too. That will complete it.

More importantly you have got to show YOURSELF why YOU deserve anyone you chose. Give yourself a break from all of the negative things that you hate about yourself.

In fact, if you would do this for me, I'd like for you to reply with a list of things that you DO love about yourself, and why you love them, why it makes you who you are.

There is no ONE person for us. There are several people in this world who we can be compatible with, but more importantly we have to be compatible with ourselves FIRST before anyone else. Otherwise how on earth are we to live with ourselves?

So do that one thing for me please. I know I may be noone to you but it will benefit you more than me.

And then today instead of anxiously waiting to see or talk with him, let him come to you. This will boost your confidence. If he is coming over, be a little busy with something that you like to do when he walks in the door. He doesn't have to know that you are trying to re-build your confidence. Think about why doing something like that will help. What will it teach you?

Just be your own supermodel girl. Swing those hips and show the world some positive attitude

maybe you should try seeing other men.

Miss-messy, please don't listen hsieh about seeing other man. What kind of advice is that? You love each other, for god's sake..

Miss-messy,
I feel that you are very loving person but you worry too much. Please be more self-confident and be certain that if he truly loves you - you will be in his plans.

Don't be shy and ask him a direct question : what will happen if he don't get a job in area.. But don't be pushy.. and ask this question in a manner that you don't expect him to answer.

BTW, are you ready to move with him if he don't find a job in area?