Should the loss of intimacy be "accepted"?

When I am referring to intimacy I am using a broader meaning than oftentimes used. Sex yes, but also affection, outward caring, soulful communication, and the sharing of emotion that bonds one with another.

After 2 years of marriage counseling, our counselor says that my 45 yr old wife's lack of desire for intimacy is not an "intimacy problem", but rather, is simply who she is. She says that since it is not a problem for my wife, and as my wife is comfortable with it, that's the way it is, and if we remain married, I best direct and release my energies toward other activities... exercise, social activities, masturbation, hobbies, and the like. Despite my wife previously being able to be [more] intimate, our counselor states "sometimes people change".

To me, this is not an acceptable conclusion, but since I am the one in emotional pain because of it, perhaps I am not thinking clearly. Is this something that should EVER be accepted, or is there always a cause and solution?

Hey, Kamehameha! Welcome to the forum. We can't tell you what the cause is, but we can try to give you a little support. It must be difficult for you. Maybe you could try to look for another therapist. You can't force your wife to feel a certain way, but you shouldn't have to be in emotional pain like this. Maybe you could try "romancing" her a bit.

We have decided to find a new therapist, so after I complete the arduous task of finding a good one, hopefully things can change.

I have tried romancing. I have tried everything from just attentive talk over a nice restaurant meal, to holding hands, to suggestions of different sex fun, and it always fails to develop a building of our intimacy. That's the reason for my post.... is it possible a woman just looses her mojo and there is no hope?

I am also wondering about hormonal issues. Anyone have any knowledge or experience with hormonal imbalances causing this?

Have you tried just sitting her down and have a long conversation about how you can make your marriage more comfortable. Ask her what it is that she feels like she is messing in the relationship and try and give it to her. If its within your reason of course.

Hi,

Are you happy with your marriage? I mean despite the intimacy problem.. Does you wife love you? IF you guys are still in love and want to keep your relationship you need to make sacrifices. I can understand that your wife is avoiding sex but you still can make deal with her..
Make her understand that you need intimacy and you will need at least certain number of acts per certain period to be happy. Negotiate the number with her. If you can't settle this than you guys may go downhill in your relations. If no settlement reached I believe that you will eventually cheat and break the marriage.
Just my opinion based on my life experience..