unbearable pain

what are you to do when you are completely in love with someone who doesn't love you back?
this isnt a passing crush, i care about this guy more than anybody else in the whole world. i love him so much it hurts. i cant bear the thought of not spending the rest of my life with him. i can honestly say that i would give my life for him.
but he loves somebody else. and it breaks my heart. i know i should be grateful, and i am, that i have such a good friendship with him but it is so hard seeing him knowing i can never have the relationship i long for. i read a quote recently that really identifies with what i feel:
'It hurts when you have someone in your heart but you can't have them in your arms'
this pain is unbearable - it has been for over a year, despite efforts to convince myself that i do not love him. so please, anybody who has any advice i would be so thankful.

Oh I can completely relate except for the fact that the guy I love isn't seeing anybody. I often wonder how I'm ever going to get over it because the thought of not being able to be with him hurts way too much.

It's funny (not in a humorous way) for me to see this coming from women because I'm in the exact same position and have even uttered the exact same words. Moreover, I have felt that girls never have these types of feelings and that they are cold and heartless. It is interesting to me to see this.

Yeah, Ive been going through that for the past 4 years. I really need to let go of my feelings for this guy, I can't move on and time is slipping by.

There's not much we can do but move on, is there? Why is it so hard? Why can some people just move on so easily, while others can't?

Try looking deeper within yourself for answers to why you can't let go, and why you are smitten with someone who is unavailable. When I do, I don't like what I see but I need to face it if I want happiness in this life.

For one, I am terrified of intimacy. I am afraid to fall in love with someone else because I was so crushed when my ex broke up with me. I feel like I can't go through that again, I can't even risk it. But what are my alternatives? There are no guarantees in life. It looks like I will be alone forever if I continue on this path and hold out for this guy.

I'm also struggling with the possibility that perhaps I am using this unrequited love as an excuse, so I can avoid the responsibility and commitment and terrifying risk of being vulnerable with someone. I think this is a huge component.

Don't hang on for 4 years like I have done. It is a waste of emotions, it really, truly is. If you need to, work through this with a counsellor. Life is way too short.

My dear, if I had a dime for every day I spent wishing that the man I loved had loved me back, I'd be richer than than the Kingdom of Heaven. And if I had a nickel for every person I knew who had experienced unrequited love, I'd have my own island in the carribean where I could simply abduct my beloved to (LOL)!

Seriously, you have three options. Since the love is unrequited, you can either continue to pine painfully in his presence, you can remove yourself from his presence, get over him like a bad break up and move on without him in your life, or you can try to get over him while still in his presence. Please note: I have never successfully seen the latter accomplished.

I hate to say it, but I would run with option two. And lord knows it's going to be hard, but it's sure better than the alternatives. Please know that my thoughts are with you. Best of luck--and for tips on weathering a tough break-up, my whatwouldjoannado.com website offers some under the relationships category (because, in a sense, this would indeed feel like a break-up). Again, my heart goes out to you....Take Care

I think regardless of whether the individual is male or female the same situation can occur,unfortunatly a lot of getting over them depends on the person themselves.
a mother of a friend of mine was one night stood underneath a large tree,as i was passing i noticed her and enquired,is everything okay mrs lloyd.
She seemed very upset and agitated,and began to pour her heart out to me,about how her husband of many years had left her for a younger women.

The reason she had been stood underneath the tree was because she had been watching the flat where her husband and younger lover were cohabiting.
AT thetime i was still fairly young and had not much experience of loving relationships,but i will give you my reply which i gave to mrs lloyd.
please mrs lloyd dont punish yourself your an educated lady doing a great job teaching children,please let me walk you home safely,if your ex does not care why should you.


Mrs lloyd agreed to leave the scene,i then walked her home,years later i was smitten got hurt and ended up feeling like you.
But do you no what,so as most other people in this weird and wonderful world we find ourselves in.
If theres no chance of any relationship with this dude,then put him down,move on and find someone new,do not punish yourself,we have all been there.

hi, i'm no good at the emotional side of things but i have a lot of friends who go through this...i'm generally the one they turn to for advice...hopefully i cant pass this on here*crosses fingers*

its human nature to want what we cant have, i think thats one of the many first rules in the book(has anyone ever read that thing?) sometimes a person seems so much more attractive becaause you cant have them. they tend to idealize them in they'r minds eye...ironing out the flaws and the chinks to make a perfect person. i can promise you these feelings will stop hurting, even though right now you probably dont want them to go away...i know THEY dont. what i generally say is to go meet someone new, i dont mean go get laid 20 times a day for the next year. i mean make a new friend, a new romantic interest. every relationship doesnt have to start from true love, its worked at and it builds and one day you'll realise, all sorts of sudden like, that your in the most amazing relationship and you'v never felt so loved. be yourself. honestly, despite the scary levels of friendlyness on this forum, this many people with problems of they'r own...if you were a complete tit, this thread would have no replies.

your a good person, and all will work out in the end, just be patient and always remember, life is what happens when your busy making other plans - john lennon. keep busy.