Good friend is severely "whipped"

I have this friend who started dating this girl about two or three years ago (let's call them John and Jane) This girl had a pretty bad anger problem. She would become explosively angry over the most insignificant things, which I'll explain later. About 2 months into their relationship, it became apparent that he had given up most of his personal freedoms in order to placate her anger. He stopped hanging out with people who used to be our best friends simply because she didn't get along with them. There was even a point when I told him that I wasn't going to be around her anymore until she stopped acting like a 5 year old. He still managed to remain friends with me, even though I'm sure she was objecting to it every step of the way. I eventually made things up with her, just to make things easier for him. Some more things include:

>> She is absolutely obsessive about him looking at other girls. We were watching a movie the other night and there was a scene with a woman in a bathing suit. She kicked him and he immediatly started staring at the ceiling. She has him trained like a dog. If they're walking down the street and another girl walks by, she is 100% sure that he checked her out and wants to dump her and have sex with the other girl.

>> As obsessive as she is about him cheating on her, she even cheated on him once, then blatantly told him about it to get back at him for something.

>> He now acts very rude and talks bad about any female friends I might have over at my place, possibly to assure Jane that he isn't sexually interested in them.

>> They have an apartment together and he's not allowed to go out without her except for work and college (she made him change his classes so that they'd have exactly the same schedule) I called him once and asked if he wanted to go have lunch, and he said, "Well I don't know... Jane isn't home yet but I'll call you when she gets back, and maybe we can do something then."

>> She made him adopt her musical tastes and fashion. He used to be, more or less, an average person with no particular leaning towards any style or "scene," until they started dating. Whereupon he became a punk rock fan literally overnight. Now I really don't care what kind of music or clothing people like, but it's obvious that one day, she told him that all his music sucks and he should listen to hers from now on. And that he should purposely rip up all his jeans and then repair them with safety pins.

>> If me and him are talking about something and she hears a minor detail that she doesn't remember, the following conversation usually takes place: "You didn't tell me that Joe was at that party... What else haven't you told me?" And she berates him for several minutes trying to pry secrets out of him. This will go on until someone firmly tells her to get off his case.

Now I understand completely what it's like to be head-over-heels in love with someone. I've been there a few times. What I don't understand is:

Are some people happy being completely controlled like that?

What would make that girl behave that way towards him? I don't know too much about all the psychiatry stuff, but she seems to fit the bill for Histrionic PD.

Is there anything I could do for him? Our other friends and I have been thinking about it for a few years now, but we know what will happen as soon as we try to sit him down and talk about it: He'll get scared of what she would do if she found out about the little talk, so he'll run to her immediatly and tell her that we tried to get him to dump her (which isn't the idea at all) Then she would get extremely angry with all of us and ban him from seeing us anymore.

Ak1raK0nya wrote:Are some people happy being completely controlled like that?

The simple answer is 'yes', there are people out there who are happy to be controlled. They have no real personality themselves and just 'assume' different personalities depending on who they are around. They are thus capable of getting-on with just about everyone they meet.

Ak1raK0nya wrote:What would make that girl behave that way towards him? I don't know too much about all the psychiatry stuff, but she seems to fit the bill for Histrionic PD.

I wouldn't dare mentioning to your friend that she may have a psychological problem because that is primarily her issue and is nothing to do with you. In any case, I think you could just about label anybody you pick-out on the street with a psychological problem - It appears to be the 'in' thing these days to have something wrong with your own psyche.

... ...but what would make her behave in this way?- Perhaps she is spoiled and has been for quite some time. Her father probably does lots of things for her and he is probably 'whipped' too; but to a lesser extent than your friend is.

Ak1raK0nya wrote:Is there anything I could do for him?.

You & your friends could let ye're displeasure known indirectly by not inviting him to places anymore. Also, friendships don't last forever, you should be aware.