Abandonment Issues

First time poster to this or any website, but looking for some help with abandonment issues and effects on a current relationship.

By way of background, I have had a number of problems with relationships in the past that appear to stem from unreasonable expectations I have had of my partner. After some years of therapy, I have attributed this in part to early childhood abandonment issues, and too, to parents who while generally loving, were extremely inflexible and rigid. What happens is this...when I feel uncared for in one way shape or form, I get hurt and will either internalize that hurt (bad for me)...or externalize it in the form of an argument with my partner (bad for us both). There arguments are trivial...as is usually the case...but of course they are damaging to the relationship. And worse, I realize that these arguments are triggered by my abandonment issues. Or atleast that is what I believe.

So, I am looking for any advice on healing some of these very old wounds, so that I can be a better friend, a better lover, and a better partner in my current relationship...and too, happier and more fulfilled in my own life.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

Hi, WorkingOnIt! Welcome to the forum. I think that you are already changing becouse you know that there is a problem and the source of that problem. You probably have these issues becouse you were afraid that your strict parents would abandon you if you made a mistake.
I feel the same way sometimes and it has influenced my life too. All I can say is that you are lucky to have a partner who you can rely on and want to change for as well as for yourself. Maybe the best thing would be to talk things out with your partner when you feel like you will get hurt. Every time you feel like there is a problem, take a deep breath and think about what might be really causing it. Then go to someone to talk to, like your partner or a good friend. I hope you can find the answers you are looking for.