Nice Guy Syndrome

I recently had a few issues with stuff in my life, starting with the death of my mother. A lady friend a couple of days before my mothers funeral had a very big meltdown and I drove about 2 hours to comfort her of an evening.

Things went really weird and we ended up in bed together and it was pretty awesome. Unfortunately this only made my situation worse. I got really clingy and was problematic which I know is sometimes attributed to one of my mental health issues. Given that I had put her under pressure we decided we should take some time apart.

We did that and only recently got back in touch with each other, she advised me that she had seen her therapist (I didn't even know she had one to be honest). This is where she advised me that I more than likely suffered from what is called NICE GUY SYNDROME.

I am wondering if this is something that also is associated with the fact that as a child my father worked away constantly up until I was 8 years old. I know that I did a lot as a kid to please my dad and I think this was the start of some of my issues.

Nice guy syndrome: when a man thinks a woman owe him sex because he acts nice around her (or so says he).

Anxious attachment issues: becoming clingy with people on a whim due to past emotional trauma.

I only have your post to work with, but you seem to fit in the anxious attachment issues rather than the "nice guy" based on what you describe. Which means that a therapist can teach you how to manage your emotions and feel less anxious /insecure.

(mod note: moved to Relationships)

Agree with Elvenstar. This doesn't seem like what is popularly called that.

Which to me was rather odd, because I'd think that'd be the man always gets 'you're a nice guy' from the ladies, and nothing else. So I learned something new. But this doesn't sound like bending over backwards to get laid.

Arbie Wun wrote:I am wondering if this is something that also is associated with the fact that as a child my father worked away constantly up until I was 8 years old. I know that I did a lot as a kid to please my dad and I think this was the start of some of my issues.

I don't know. On the one hand, Nice Guy Syndrome seems to convey a sense of narcissism, on the other I suppose you could say there are shades of Borderline/Histrionic in overtrying to please someone, which are also Cluster B. But taking a quick look at which forums you've posted to, I agree with Elvenstar maybe this is more an anxiety thing.

To be honest, I usually associate absent/overworking fathers with other things, but not something like Nice Guy Syndrome.