How to be friends?

Thanks for all your help Otter.

So far I've come up with a strict guideline:
1. If something makes me uncomfortable, I don't do it.
2. If I'm not sure if something will make me uncomfortable, I don't do it.
3. If I do end up doing it and am comfortable with it, that doesn't green light every other thing I might be uncomfortable about.
4. If I do end up doing it and am uncomfortable with it, that doesn't mean I'm now stuck having to forever accept it.
5. Remember: boundaries are flexible and can change.
6. Always communicate how I feel towards others and don't feel bad if they seem upset. I can be polite and nice, but that's not the same as letting them walk over me.

I've written it down like that. I don't have an idea of what my exact boundaries are going to look like and how headstrong I'll be, but at least it's something I can try and work with.

As for N, I've decided to message her in about two days from now because it'll be her birthday and I'd feel horrid if I didn't say anything then. From there on I've read it's best to not start with talking but rather do something together like gaming, so that's what I'll propose. Hopefully she's done some soul searching too and I can have an actual friend this time around.

~ Grey

That looks like a great list. Flexibility, and willingness to change are great rules. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I hope Ns response to your birthday wishes was a success. Let us know how your list plays out over time - and again, don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Hey,

So N responded nicely and respectfully. Told me to just take my time and all. We ended up playing a game after a few days and it went well, I genuinely had good fun for the first time in a long time.

Now I'm running into another issue: everyone around me is expecting this not to last.
I want to have a friend for once in my life, but it's like my partner keeps reminding me not trust N, and that she thinks N is a bad person. My online brother just tells me to let this friendship go cause N isn't worth it. My partner's friends are all saying it's not going to last too, and meanwhile I have Raven nagging me and pestering me in my head telling me not to trust N.

Like, I'm so frustrated ! They don't have to be friends with her... well, Raven kinda needs to be able to play nice, I guess, but what I'm trying to say is: why is everyone making me feel bad for wanting to be friends with N?
It's like they just want me to be alone. Everyone can have their buddy except for me.
I wouldn't be so frustrated if this wasn't how it always goes. I make a friend, they make a mistake, everyone tells me to get rid of the friend for good. Clearly I must attract all the human filth for people to constantly tell me my friends are bad people.

It's got to be my fault somehow. I'm the only common factor... birds of a feather right? So if they're always trash then I must be trash too...

I'm so tired of this all...

Not the update I had hoped to give, but I don't suppose this will end up well in the end regardless of how I feel or how well I enforce my boundaries...

~ Grey