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Is there a better way to handle this scenario?

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Is there a better way to handle this scenario?

Postby CalgaryGuy » Thu Apr 13, 2023 5:56 am

Hi,

This is a situation that I run into with my wife.
When we are watching TV together, she sometimes has this habit of rewinding the same part of the show multiple times and it can get irritating and starts to spoil a show for me. However, I won't complain even though I may feel annoyed by it. The rewinding thing is a part of her anxious behavior and her family used to give her a hard time about it and she has a sore spot because of it. I told her many times, it's okay, rewind as many times as you need. I may get annoyed or bothered by but that's okay and I'll get over it. However, it's a general pattern that if she senses that I am annoyed or upset at her, for any reason, her response is to respond with anger towards me. I feel she does so even when there is no call for it and I don't know why. It's like she is trying to use anger to control my feelings if that makes sense.
She has a severe social avoidance disorder and fear of being judged, so I guess it's some sort of defensive response. The thing is, even if I try to talk to her calmly and say "Yes, I felt annoyed by it, but I did not direct that towards you. It's just how I was feeling, so please don't be angry at me." Then she will shut down, and put up a wall that can last a few days.

I don't know how else I should handle such a situation.
Should I apologize for feeling annoyed?

Thoughts?
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Re: Is there a better way to handle this scenario?

Postby Otter » Thu Apr 20, 2023 1:11 am

I don't think you can do much beyond watching the show without her, or vice versa. Her reaction seems part of a cycle that she plays out as part of her anxiety issues. If there were a conflict caused by both of you it would be easier to figure out. But it seems to me that she would not be open to changing her behavior.
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