Gaining Sanity

Interesting to write a post; I usually write a blog; and I will be writing a blog on this; but I thought it interesting to write a post!
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A general overview of relationships; and how a higher power and friends and getting away to a campout and using 12 step groups for support; all help to relieve the morbid delusional views of my past courtships...
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First; let me say these are past courtships; relationship efforts; not present. Im trying to figure out what happened in the past so I dont make the same mistake in the present.
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I have found;
Similarities in all the relationships I created from about 6th grade through age 25. Im much older now; then 25; However, this past time period is a hot bed of relational disaster; and I want to report on it.
What Ive discovered;
I would look for marginal level people; people no one else wanted to date; people to toxic for anyone to date; warning signs everywhere suggesting not to date this person. For some God forsaken reason; I would move ahead with it.
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My Goal; Take someone that did not like me and had no interest in me and change them; mold them into someone that liked me and became interested in me; And how did this workout? I was destroyed.
Thus; I would heal up a little and then find a new marginal level person; and attempt a new relationship and be destroyed again.. convinced I could change them; I would have my ideas flipped upside down on my face; They would leave; I would be heart broken.
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I realized; about 12 different people I attempted to have relationships with; they were strangely similar. They were all at the same frequency level; they were incapable of having a relationship with anyone; to dangerous or toxic; They did not understand why no one wanted a relationship with them. Later; I attempted to get there trust; In the end; they turned on me; never saw any value in me.
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What Ive learned after I stopped blaming my parents and others for my choices of relationships. I realized I was making the conscious choice to get involved with these relationships. No one was forcing me. This is insane.
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I sat in a friends camper at his parents campsite yesterday and we talked. And I realized for the first time as I was waking up to sanity; no one was to blame for my relationship problems accept me. I had walked fully awake into disaster after disaster. As I told my friend; I realized how insane this really is.
Why was I going so far off the counter-meter to find sick people for relationships; dangerous people. Dangerous to my health; Why? When all I had to do was pick someone in front of me that was of a much higher frequency level and value. The people I dated; non of them valued me and ever wanted to see me again; none of them liked me in the first place; they could careless if they had ever met me or ever saw me again; and I was devastated; Yet; I would never date someone that actually loved me or liked me; in fact; I never saw people that liked me; never saw them on my radar; I never bothered to look.
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I was interested in finding people that were incapable of having a relationship; turning them into someone that liked me and loved me; instead of simply looking strait ahead; raising my standards and finding someone that appreciated me loved me and liked me or could like me and wanted a relationship with me. I never found or looked for someone that wanted a relationship with me; and this is true insanity.
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I was; am; Insane!
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Most important aspect; I realized with help that Im doing all of this insanity against myself; I am 100% the cause. And now; I can change it.