Bullied by my BF?

So, I’ve been with this guy for a while, and he’s been really good to me.
You won’t believe how kind he is, to animals, to children, old people.
But I’m quite a small girl, and he’s twice my size and maybe four times as strong, and there’s a couple of things that are really bothering me.
He’s got severe ADHD and in the past he would just… go off, and hurt himself when he got crazy.
He’s been trying to channel that energy into working out, but that means he’s getting bigger and bigger.
I thought I would start working out with him. It would give us something to do together, and he said it was a good way to burn calories (we both have a weight problem).
The thing is… I feel uncomfortable around him when he works out because I cannot keep up.
He’ll be done with a set of reps, and hand me this massive dumbbell, then say: ‘Hold this, hon’, and I will tell him: ‘I can’t hold it, it’s breaking my wrists!’
He’ll reply: ‘Just for a minute, let me get some more weights’
Doesn’t he hear me saying it’s hurting me?
He’ll push me to bench-press his usual weight, just once, but I can’t!
‘C’mon baby, just once! I can do 40 reps, so you can do it once!’
Is he really that oblivious, or is he trying to make me feel small, to denigrate me?
I don’t think he’d hurt me, but I’m getting nervous about living with someone who could snap me in half with one hand tied behind his back, and he doesn’t seem to realize it…

Hey LowlandsLina,

A very indirect response, but not sure you will get any others because of what you wrote. I'll be honest with you.

You picked this guy knowing full well he is bigger then you, maybe a muscle junky, who knows, only you do.

But the problem is what response can anyone type that will satisfy you?

If you can explain what it is you looking for, it could help others. That you chose someone bigger who works out and is a bit blind, don't think there is much to say about that.

I am at a loss as to what it is what you want here.

He "goes off on one and hurts himself" doesn't sound stable. Sounds scary and intimidating. Put that together with highlighting how much stronger he is than you in the gym and say - yeah he may be trying to make you feel small and frightened. Next time he looses his temper you'll be more frightened so either way you're intimidated whether it's intentional or not.

Instincts are there for a reason. If you ask him to stop frightening you and he doesn't then you know he doesn't care that he's frightening you.

Sarandipity wrote:Instincts are there for a reason.

Agree, but instincts don't necessarily lead to any outcome we want. They can also lead us down chasing a person due to an appearance which is partially about what we want.

If I was a therapist, the first question I would ask is, and if he could be your ideal, what was it you wanted him to be? That is the starter question, the rest takes time.