Is there something wrong with me?

I am not an expert at all with relationships and I don't find it easy to find a relationship myself (I am a girl), but I know a few males who also have problems finding relationships even though they can be very attractive in my opinion. One guy I know is also a virgin and it seems maybe it is just more difficult than it might always seem to find the right relationship.

Violet46 wrote:I am not an expert at all with relationships and I don't find it easy to find a relationship myself (I am a girl), but I know a few males who also have problems finding relationships even though they can be very attractive in my opinion. One guy I know is also a virgin and it seems maybe it is just more difficult than it might always seem to find the right relationship.

I find it hard to know for sure what's going on, which is why I don't think there is anything wrong with the OP even if he is having trouble finding a relationship in today's society, but I'll clarify below.

It seems like people are having more difficulty with relationships in my culture, but then also there are more internet articles, and books about relationships. Maybe it's nothing new, just being brought to our attention, or maybe the same proliferation of articles and books is resulting in more people over-analyzing relationships to a point of damaging them.

We are also inundated with movies, TV shows, books, that can affect our expectations of relationships. Porn, social media, etc., could be having an effect too.

Not everyone agrees with my view, and that's okay, we all have is our opinions, but I am of the belief we do have an evolved nature, and that nature has not kept up with the technology that has become prolific in the last few decades. All of those factors I wrote about above depended on technology. Some might say well books were here before technology. True, but the cost to print a book was more expensive, and few people could afford to buy them. It's not like today where we have huge bookstores, let alone e-books. Oh, and I am definitely not anti-technology. Love it, but ...

I do wonder if there is something wrong with most of us now in that the expectations we've formed about relationships intellectually no longer aligns with our primal nature of what is realistic.

To use an imperfect analogy, if we treated our cars the way we treated relationships, we would -

1.) Rarely or never buy a car, because we'd find some flaw no matter what.

2.) If we did buy a car, we'd toss it as soon as there was one failure or anything started to wear out.

3.) Be disappointed with any car we bought, because we'd always be expecting yet more features that weren't there to begin with. We'd always being trying to turn it into the ideal car of our dreams today, a never ending moving goal.

4.) Constantly be comparing our car to others.

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Shorter version - None of that helps the OP, because the reality is what it is, and to get a relationship he may have to make changes to fit into the expectations, but it can help to take some pressure off self to see that there is nothing especially wrong with me (just normal human stuff), what is wrong is what is going on around me. Just the lack of self-pressure can help us to connect with others we'd have otherwise avoided, or that they've avoided us because of that constant anxiety.

my first question is are you not having sex at all because you want to do it within the confines of a relationship or is it that youre unable to hook up with someone period?