Is it possible to not feel love/attachment for anybody?

Hello,

I have been friends with benefits for almost a year with a guy from my uni course now. We are also really good friends and his bestest friends are also my friends and I might even move into a shared accommodation with all of them in a year from now.

However, as to be expected, I started to develop very strong feelings for him. After all, we've spent about 2 days a week with each other until late at night and even more time if you count whenever I went over to hang out with his/my friends. And we sit next to each other in every single lecture. He's told me all of his secrets, and I've told him all of mine, and we know each other pretty well.

Now the Problem is, that he has told me right from the start that he doesn't feel love or attachment towards anybody. Not in the 2,5 month long "relationship" he attempted previously (and broke off because she confessed her love to him), and also not towards any family member or any friend at any point of his life. He also claims to not really feel sadness or anger either. All he really feels is happiness - he's a very cheerful guy. For a short time only he sometimes also feels disappointment in himself and embarrassment, but really only on a rare occasion and for a few minutes maybe.
He has never felt any misery, sorrow, worry or madness - not even when his dad had cancer or when his flatmate died.

When I confessed my love to him, he initially suggested to not see each other again, because since he really doesn't understand the concept of love, he assumed I would get over him by just not spending time with him.
Then he thought about it, and came to the conclusion that it won't work because he's "also my bestest friend and source of consultation", meaning I can't stop seeing him because then I have nobody to go to with my problems.
I've cried in his arms before, and he disliked it, and I've seen him before smiling as he saw me in a room. Therefore I'm pretty certain that he does have empathy, and he has told me before, that he cares about me.

Thus he's concerned that I will get hurt, as it will always be unrequited love and he will maybe sleep with another woman at some point. He has a relatively low sex drive, but except the 2,5 months one, the last 9 women he had were more or less one night stands. He hasn't had anybody else ever since I've been with him, but I'm not sure if it was lack of opportunity, lack of need, or something else.
Now he's for 3 months back in his home country over summer, where he will most likely have many opportunities, and I know I will probably get hurt if it happens.

But apart from my inability to not be self destructive, my main question is in the title.

Can what he claims be true? Or is he just unaware of his feelings/supresses them? I know sociopathic personality disorder etc. but he feels empathy and is very kind, therefore I don't know what exactly could possibly be wrong with him.

In his childhood his parents divorced at the age of 3, but his mother and step dad were nice and his brother is able to feel things and is normal.

Hi yanusanders,

It is true, some people do not feel any attachment to others. They really just do not, and no amount of coercing will change that about them. Seems like you met someone who is like that, and really really, they aren't lying when they say they don't feel it, they really do not.

There is a bit of irony that may be going on too. People who do not feel any attachment to others can appear to a form of strength, attractive. A tough question to ponder -

If someone had told you he cannot feel any attachment, would you have listened to them, would you have done anything different?

1: People have a habit of saying one thing while meaning another. Intended or not.

2: Everyone gets attached. End of story. If you're even TALKING to someone it's because you took an INTEREST in them. The question then is "how" attached. And wherever a "little" can be a good thing or not (in my experience not being attached enough to take an interest about how you affect each other always ends badly).

3: Attachment comes in many forms and flavors. Even the "Hardly not around but because I'm afraid or/and hate them". Which in itself can turn to love.

If you DON'T care about someone (eg: aren't attached to someone) then chances are you don't want to give them the time or day. Or otherwise aren't willing to do more then the bare minimum. Thing is this can easily happen BECAUSE someone is attached. People can struggle.

Possible? Yes. Wanted? Not in the least. I care enough to make an effort. If someone else wants to make that amount of effort back they'd have to be attached. 'cus I'm difficult to deal with. A part of me feels glad for that.