Where do I go?

I have been married to my wife for 7 1/2 years, have a two year old daughter together. I have an 11 year old son from previous relationship. I have noticed that I don't really look at my wife the same anymore. From conversing, activities, intimacy, and other general aspects of life I am just way turned off by it all with her. When I'm gone to work or other I don't miss her nor do I feel much from intimacy that's authentic.

Now she is a good person and isn't crazy. She however is messy and unorganized badly. House can't get straight even if she tried. Cleanliness and organization are huge factors for me. I get bad anxiety and stress with disorganization and she is well aware if this. She has made efforts to do better but she got this issue honest. Her mother is five times worse. She is a horder but not of trash but of just stuff. Stuff everywhere!!! It's so bad I can't be in her house for long periods of time. Even my brother-in-law gets trippy from it and it's his own mother.

I'm no angel and not perfect. I can't seem to want to have a desire to want to do things with my wife or be around her. I feel burnt out and more like we are roommates than anything. I don't feel much desire to be with her which sucks because she does have a great heart. She loves me very much I believe and I love her but I can't say confidently I am in love with her anymore. I use to be borderline obsessive with her but she seemed to deny me often and/or be too reserved. Now, it don't really effect me if I see her or not each day. There have been a couple occations where she left fir a small trip on a weekend leaving me home by myself and I felt great and had drive.

Anyone have anything simular happen or habe advice, questions, suggestions? Ask anything you want.

Thanks for reading.

Hey Aj86,

This part stood out for me -

Aj86 wrote:I use to be borderline obsessive with her but she seemed to deny me often and/or be too reserved. Now, it don't really effect me if I see her or not each day.

Honeymoon type passion tends to cool off (not necessarily die, but cool off) in many relationships, but possibly you consciously or unconsciously had to turn your desire off to protect yourself from feeling rejected (also normal enough when it goes on too long)?

I will admit that it does piss me off some that she did that for as long as she did. Pisses me off that it took me getting to this point for her to "notice" me much.

I honestly don't really have much desire to be initmate with her any. She also does things that are a major mental turn off for me and I'm not really attracted to her anymore even though she is pretty. She does have a healthy body and all. I've had friends, co-workers, and other guys as me how I landed her. Not sure, really. Was she insecure about herself? Am I that attractive? Someone can be very attractive but can be completely unattractive if theor personality, habits, mental capacity, and/or attitude isn't great. There's more to a relationship than sex. I have zero drive to have sex with her. I'm not happy at all.

My two married sisters are going through a similar situation. They are not attracted to their husbands any more. I advised them to go on dates and vacations with their husbands only (no children), but that did not work.

In unhappy marriages, sometimes there is no way of saving the relationship. You sometimes feel dead inside. If that's the case, then it's time to either have an open relationship and see other women, or calls it quits.

RottenFish -

I enjoy your posts, but this was one of the rare few I had a personal disagreement with (just a differing point of view, so I hope you can take my next paragraph in that light).

I think many guys know on some level the honeymoon phase is going to wear off for men and women. But people also ask why are guys afraid of commitment? Guys are afraid because they know once the honeymoon is over the commitment is over too. Not everyone, but I suspect as a male he didn't expect it to be as it was when they first met indefinitely, he couldn't be prince charming forever, but he was hoping for something more than "I am bored now" and repetitive rejection.

xdude wrote:I think many guys know on some level the honeymoon phase is going to wear off for men and women.

Very true. This is why I'm convinced that most people put up a facade at the beginning of the relationship. Once the facade collapses, the relationship collapses too.

If I am wrong about the facade, then that only means that humans are not meant to be together for over a year. It seems like that "spark" just fades.

Feel free to give me some insight because I give bad relationship advice. But I'm trying to get better.

Interesting word 'facade'

So in business companies often court each other, and there is a courting process, but still the question remains, can they get down to business? The high expenditure dinners are the phase 1, but can they do business together long term? Where the rubber really meets the road (sure you know that saying).

The phase 1 stuff is of course the most fun, but there is not any depth. Phase 2 and beyond is where the depth comes in, the hard work.

In the case of the OP, I suspect he did all the phase 1 stuff right, but once it progressed to phase 2, the relationship part, she lost interest, and if so, and if he was looking for a phase 2 commitment, then it's reasonable to me he takes her lack of interest as shallow and must protect himself from emotional harm. If she loved him she wouldn't reject him because the honeymoon is over.

The irony is he is probably the one who could/did commit to something beyond the honeymoon.

Too long, didn't read version is -

Which was the facade, the honeymoon phase (where everyone is on their best behavior), or the committed phase that follows (if it lasts beyond that)?