I'm addicted.

I'm addicted in a very real way. Every time we break up or when he stops talking to me I experience withdrawal symptoms a drug addict would go through. Extreme restlessness, headaches , palpitations, anger, sadness and a lot more. And when he calls me for a one-time thing just looking at him and touching him calms me down. Makes me feel normal.

Our relationship is a mess. I know that we'll never be happy together. But I love him. And try my best to stay away and not bother him. But I'm so addicted. It is really hard . I don't know what to do. Please help.

PS: I tried no contact. And it was hell. So any other way ?

Hi again Jemma,

Yea, personally I don't know of any quick fix. Those toxic relationships can be addictive, I think because the addiction is to the emotional intensity, which can feel like it 'must be love', or at least a valuable relationship versus the day to day acquaintance type of relationship.

I don't know what it will take for you to break the pattern. Indeed it can be hell to go no contact. Like most addictions, breaking the addiction is hard. It feels worse before it feels better. It may take something fairly dramatic to happen before you'll be ready for a change. I can only write that for those who have, they look back and go my, it feels so good to be at peace, happy, free of the toxic drama and pain.

Many addictions can't be controlled by will-power or by trying to white-knuckle our way past the triggers, bad thoughts and cravings.
I was not able to control my addiction alone, no matter how much I wanted to and how many times I tried and failed.
If will-power worked, there would probably be no such thing as alcoholics, etc.
I had to seek treatment and counseling to break the spell. My thinking was all wrong and I couldn't see it. It had to be pointed out to me.
I then joined a 12-step program to be with others who were fighting the same demons that I was. We learned from each other how to do 'one day at a time' and how others were able to recover from whatever afflicted them.
It was difficult for me to share and to admit my weaknesses. I felt as though it was a personal problem that I was ashamed of. I tried for years to do it by myself and I was just getting worse. I had low self-esteem, but my ego wouldn't let me face my own humanity. I was trying to be a machine (a bad idea).
I came to believe in the power of fellowship and large numbers of peers all wanting the same thing. We keep it anonymous and it is free.
Best of luck to you.

Wally58 wrote:Many addictions can't be controlled by will-power or by trying to white-knuckle our way past the triggers, bad thoughts and cravings.

Agree with this!!!

There may be some groups out there focused on support for those in a toxic relationship, but unfortunately while physical abuse is highly visible (as is drug/alcohol use), the abuse in toxic relationships is often covert, and near impossible to explain to others who haven't been through it (if they believe you at all). Advice of 'just get over it' is common, but of course it often doesn't work that way.

That written, I agree completely, the OP probably will need support of some support, and a group of like minded people is ideal.

I recently learned of a support group in my area, but it meets when I am working. :/ Therefore, I have to see my therapist once a week. I feel you all the way. I wasn't even with my guy for 2 months when he literally discarded me like yesterday's rotten garbage, after putting me on a pedestal for 6 damn weeks!?!? Yes, I (cordially) attempted to contact him a few times for a week after discard (no reply even though he was still active on social media), so then I went no contact and have been ever since. This all happened in mid January, and I still feel like Hell, like you said!! No, there is no quick fix regardless of our coping skills, but this "breakup" has literally hurt me the way certain family deaths have hurt. No exaggeration there.