Angry with women and others

Hey GuessWhat,

Let me try a different way.

If I google something like "why millennials are avoiding relationships", the search results are surprising. Many articles have been written within the last few years that whether or not any particular article is entirely truthful, it does suggest a trend, or at least a belief, that in some cultures (like mine), people your age are marrying less often than in the past, and avoiding relationships more often. Maybe, because as usual articles and studies are a dime a dozen, so it's fair to question them too.

I do believe you that it is not all in your head. I also suspect that many others are also thinking the same thing, having a relationship has become increasingly difficult.

A question to ask though -

You wrote some examples of women your age being snarky, and superficial. Is that really 'all' of them, or are you focused on those women who act that way? Just wondering if you are overlooking women who would make for good relationship partners.

xdude wrote:I do believe you that it is not all in your head.

It is not. I once tought my behaviour and my approach were bad, so I changed my way of doing, and my mindset in order to become a good choice.
But time passed, and girls didn't want to know anything about me, and someone were really pissed off 'cause me, even if I just invited them to dance.

So i searched online and I found, well, the "truth". Now everything makes sense, that was why if I did a "thing" I was an idiot, while if an hot guy did a "-worst- thing" he did nothing bad. And Why if i'm timid then i'm boring, while one of my old classmate was timid like me but girls looked for him.
I asked for a valutation and as I said i'm kinda a normal dude, with nothing that can catch the interest.
Behaviour? Hah, like i said I don't think i'm a freddy krueger, and I'm still working for changing in a better person; but anyway people can pretend to be kind and friendly, or sometimes they don't even need that 'cause "women love who is a jerk".

Now I'm here, and I will meet a psychiatric doctor in order to fix it. But I think there's no much to fix. I'm just pissed off about my situation, like if someone works hard but has no gains; they would be angry too.
Yeah, I think the example is good, I worked hard on me but yet nothing.

You wrote some examples of women your age being snarky, and superficial. Is that really 'all' of them, or are you focused on those women who act that way? Just wondering if you are overlooking women who would make for good relationship partners.

Yeah, they are like this. I don't mind much about their behaviour, so it doesn't matter if they are calm, agitated, hothead, thoughtless, etc. I "give" them all a chance.
I don't overlooking anyone, except for those with whom I'm not attracted.
Not that my standards are high, like I said, the girl of the first post sometimes looks like a guy.
Do i seem superficial? I have ED with girls I like, figured with those I don't like.

Oh well, I overlook for really pretty girls too, for obvious reasons. Thene there can be girls who pretend to be like that, but if they have to pretend, it means that they have shame for that, so they will take the same way of the others.

Hey GuessWhat,

Sure, well guys often treat women they see as 'hot' with preference too. That's just human genetic code 101. You wrote it yourself, if you aren't physically attracted you also have no interest. It's not the first or last generation of people to face this. Life is not fair still applies, and again you will probably find that people shift their priorities somewhat as they grow older.

Definitely it's worth speaking with someone, for your own happiness, but... also yes I do believe you that your generation is going through a statistical trend of postponing meaningful relationships until later in life, sort of a shopper's mentality. Perhaps the bombardment of social media, instant access to porn, increased displays of sex and over-the-top narcissism in TV/movies, etc., has something to do with that.

So as I thought world is actually like this and I have to give up.
I can work in order to overcome the anger, but the root which creates it will be still there.

Huff, thanks to everyone for the help.

GuessWhat wrote:So as I thought world is actually like this

You really do seem to be surprised that people (males and females) are affected by what they see as attractive... what surprises me is that you are surprised that it's a factor in how others behave, keeping in mind you are aware that you also perceive some as attractive, some less, etc. and acknowledge it affects you.

I am curious then what you thought was true before this realization?

Well, you forgot the first post.
I feel so alone, no girls are interested in me, and if I refuse someone she has not issue to find someone else in no time, maybe even better than me.
I don't find anyone, even if I lower my standards.
And then? Even if i find one they are in their golden age, I have to be equilibrated between saying and giving, counting the ton of whiteknights who will flirt with her and the moments of crysis that cannot miss.

Girls have the knife on the side of the handle. They can substitute me in no time, while me? I cannot. I have more dudes than girls who want me. But I'm not gay.
Then why I have to offer much when the only thing I'm asking from them is just having an hole between their legs?

Hey GuessWhat,

Maybe it will be more helpful to validate what you are feeling vs suggestions to think differently, so you can feel it, accept it. But you'll have to forgive me for throwing in some alternative thoughts too...

GuessWhat wrote:I feel so alone, no girls are interested in me, and if I refuse someone she has not issue to find someone else in no time, maybe even better than me.

Fair enough. I was just reading an article yesterday about online dating apps and websites. You are right, women tend to get messaged a lot more often, but from their point of view, it can also feel like harassment.

GuessWhat wrote:I don't find anyone, even if I lower my standards.

I want to come back to this.

GuessWhat wrote:And then? Even if i find one they are in their golden age, I have to be equilibrated between saying and giving, counting the ton of whiteknights who will flirt with her and the moments of crysis that cannot miss.

True enough, some men seek value, affection, by stepping into the whiteknight role. It's one way to be valued, but it's not the only way.

GuessWhat wrote:Girls have the knife on the side of the handle. They can substitute me in no time, while me? I cannot. I have more dudes than girls who want me. But I'm not gay.

Yes it's true that statistically women have more sexual offers when they are younger, but I have spoken with many women who lament the reverse later in life. Their lament is that as I grew older, I became less valuable, while it appeared to them that males could still be high value (more so if they were financially successful, or had achieved status).

GuessWhat wrote:Then why I have to offer much when the only thing I'm asking from them is just having an hole between their legs?

I believe you mean you are also seeking an intellectual, and maybe, emotional, relationship too, not just about sex, and sexual attraction.

But what I wanted to get back too was your comment above...

You must see the irony or inconsistency in your outlook as well, that you 'have standards', and nothing wrong with having standards, but that others have standards too.

So where is the disconnect?

p.s. I wanted to add here, please go back and read xSid's comment to you. He might not have sugar coated it, but it is important that you embrace your inner lion, your male self, and until you do, you won't feel whole. When you really understand what drives men and women, and you embrace it, even if it doesn't match what you learned, he was right about that's how to be happy.

xdude wrote:Hey GuessWhat,

Maybe it will be more helpful to validate what you are feeling vs suggestions to think differently, so you can feel it, accept it. But you'll have to forgive me for throwing in some alternative thoughts too...

Hey xdude, I just really liked your help. It is not that I don't listen you, but the things you said are things that I heard more and more times from others, I applied every hint and well, guess what?; if i'm still here you can undestand how the situation is.

Yeah, probably it is in my mind the problem. Looks like I have a sort of depression, in the doctor's opinion. It is born from this situation though.

Fair enough. I was just reading an article yesterday about online dating apps and websites. You are right, women tend to get messaged a lot more often, but from their point of view, it can also feel like harassment.

They feel harassment just when the men who contacts them is not an hot dude.
Mh, just to get the point the girl who I betrayed, closed with me saying that she didn't want a serious story yet; but she would remain anyway.
I was -and maybe I'm still- hateful and full of anger, and so I acted really bitter and jealous; and said that if she want to close with me, for me there wasn't a space to be "just friends".
Anyway She and her friends more of one time highlighted how my action, kissing another one and other little things, putted her on the decision to close with me.

Anyway she made an account on tinder and she's having dates and sex with many guys in the same time right now.
Honestly I cannot really go over this -an article says the same about break up for women and men. Karma? Maybe. But not that girls didn't bad things with me.
She can have whoever she wants. While, without her, I'm finished.
Who wants me? The 7 girls to whom I wrote without receiving an answer?
While she is doing gossip with the others of the group talking about the hot guys they got.

True enough, some men seek value, affection, by stepping into the whiteknight role. It's one way to be valued, but it's not the only way.

I'm just saying that if they want they can change you with another one in no time.

Yes it's true that statistically women have more sexual offers when they are younger, but I have spoken with many women who lament the reverse later in life. Their lament is that as I grew older, I became less valuable, while it appeared to them that males could still be high value (more so if they were financially successful, or had achieved status).

This is true, in part. Also it depends how the man is going worst with the years. I see older man in a situation similiar to mine or worst. But in general things are better even for the ladies. What are they complaining for? Once men were beasts 'cause they did seek for younger girls, but now women can get many toyboy (black skin with big c**k, sounds racism and commonplace, but many situation are like this) as they want, but they are not beasts, huh?

Jesus, I swear, once I used to go out with a group where there were two 40 women. And they were seeing me as a little brother 'cause I'm young, but they didn't make the same problem with my hotter peers.

People just think I'm closed to my ideas, the truth is that every time i wanna change this sh*t that I used to call "life", i remember all these situations, from friends, strangers or family.

I believe you mean you are also seeking an intellectual, and maybe, emotional, relationship too, not just about sex, and sexual attraction.

Sure I want come back how it was with that girl. Hugging naked in the car, writing stupid sweet things and saying sexual allusions.
But I lower my standard even for this. I talked about another girl in the first post, well, she said that she isn't looking for anything serious, so I did things with her just for sex.

I mean that I'm realizing that for how the times are now, I'm bothering girls in the right istant that I'm starting to get caught from them. But I'm not meaning that I'm morbid (well, I was once), but just that in the 99% of cases I care about them more than how they care about me.

You must see the irony or inconsistency in your outlook as well, that you 'have standards', and nothing wrong with having standards, but that others have standards too.

So where is the disconnect?

Dude, how is it possible that I'm in no one's standards while I would accept the 90% of girls that I see? This is the problem. We have to settle for, they don't.
And how someone else said:

"Guys can’t even get laid anymore. And if they do, it requires way more effort than it ever should. We have all seen the abundance of high quality guys dating whales. It’s beyond disturbing. The supply and demand of sex has gone to sh*t. It is so out of whack that girls are getting away with being ugly, rude, stupid, slutty, fat, non-feminine, the list goes on and on."

Depression definitely sucks. It colors our perceptions, and hopefully your doctor has offered a treatment.

Something I didn't use to believe, but a therapist offered as a thought. She basically said that life is subjective, our perception is our actual reality. This was a non-starter for someone like me. I thought the reality is the reality, and my perception is just a view on reality. I want to know what is real!

Turns out she was right though, or at least worth pondering her meaning. If two people face the same situation, but one of them is overall happy/content, and one is not, who is right? It doesn't matter who is right, what matters is one is happy/content. I know that can seem like just playing word games, but here is the irony -

The happier/content person gets a double win because first, they are immediately happier, and second, because their odds of life going well are improved. Others do respond to our mood. If we are gumpy/angry, dark minded, they pick up on that. If we are overall happy, content, they pick up on that too. Which of the two is more likely to meet someone and have a relationship?

I realize you can't just change your mood/view with some words, but I do think you made the best move you possibly could by talking to a doctor. Again, hopefully he/she offered some suggested treatment?

p.s. There are male oriented support sites out there that focus on what you wrote, and so again, you are not alone in feeling as you do. Just I don't know if the guys who are on those sites are happier for it, or worse off. Perhaps it helps them for a while to share more of what they feel with others, perhaps not, but personally I'm a do 'what works' thinker.