Should we keep hooking up?

I’m hooking up with this guy and we haven’t had sex yet. All my life I have been obsessed with sex and abnormally horny. I have never been as into the relationship aspect of it. I would always lose interest in guys as soon as they were interested in me. In the past if boys I was crushing on showed interest in me, I immediately lost interest in them. With this current guy, let’s call him Nathan, my feelings for him aren’t super consistent but they definitely are stronger when he ignores me or isn’t as into me etc. This is all made more complicated by the fact that he is the brother of my really close friend and so everything that we have done is a secret from almost everyone in my life. I feel like it isn’t going anywhere but I don’t know if I want to break it off because of potential awkwardness when I’m at his house for his sister but I really enjoy the stuff we do. He is also an amazing guy and I was ready to lose my virginity to him up until recently. About two weeks ago me and my family went to have breakfast with my dad’s best friend’s family. They live in Washington and so whenever we get together it is a big deal, they only come into town about once a year. One of the sons, let’s calm him Jared, is a couple months older then me and I have never really liked him even though it was always suggested by our parents. Well this year when we saw each other again for the first time in a year, a lot had changed. I was extremely attracted to him and it was like nothing I had ever felt before. Of course we happened to be seated next to each other and whenever we would talk/flirt during that hour long breakfast the chemistry between us was overwhelming. When the breakfast ended, so was our time together and both of us were actively but discreetly trying to convince our families to continue hanging out. They both had other agendas so we had to part ways. I don’t have his phone number or any way of contacting him that does not involve getting his family involved and I don’t know if I am ready for that yet. Additionally I don’t know if he felt it to the same degree that I did and / or has already moved on. As things progress with Nathan I get more and more anxious about my situation with Jared. I don’t know the next time I will see him, but it could be soon. If I do see him, I will make an effort to get in touch with him. I know it seems kind of fairytale-like (that is part of my hold up-it would seem stupid to save myself for something that could be impossible). We both come from very religious families and I’m afraid that me losing my virginity before marriage would be a dealbreaker, I absolutely do not want to regret giving it up to a boy that I am sure I will not be with for the rest of my life, and losing my chance with someone I think I could have a future with as collateral. I’ve always had identity issues caused by my obsession with all things sexual despite being taught that any sex act outside of marriage was a sin. I am not extremely religious, but if I lost my virginity i would be letting some of the most important people in life down. I just want some unbiased advice about my situation. Should I continue hooking up with him, even though I feel like I might have a future with someone else? Is it stupid that I have very strong feeling for Jared based on one breakfast? Do you think my second guessing having sex based on the assumption that Jared might not except my lack of “purity” is fair? What should I do?

Hey 703710,

You asked for some thoughts...

Honestly the main thing that stood out for me reading your post, and I mean this to be helpful, is you don't know what you want yet, and because nobody else can resolve that for another person, it just comes down to you figuring that out, for you.

It is also okay to be conflicted, and resolve it later, or never, but it does also mean that odds are no choice you make will change that you are conflicted. Please keep in mind though they both are people, with feelings, and whatever you do, it will affect them too.

Is there someone you can speak with in real life, in a counselor type role?