SO FRUSTRATED and need help PLEASE….. ☹

Hey everybody,
So, recently I was talking to a girl on a dating app for about three months. Everything was going well, and we were texting a lot, and she initiated in asking for my phone number, saying we should talk on the phone sometime, and called me first, and we had two voice calls and a video call as well on WhatsApp. We had deep conversations on text and the calls. Towards the end of the second voice call though she asked out of the blue, if I’d want to do a quick video call that would be around 4 minutes? I told her that I wasn’t ready to do one at that time (because I wasn’t) and would it be OK, if we did it another time? She agreed but seemed to be a bit pushy saying “can I ask why?” and “are you shy?”, which I found a bit odd? I didn’t feel like I was looking my best, so that’s why I didn’t want to to do that unscheduled video call that she wanted to do out of the blue.

At the end of the call, I asked, when she’d be next available and she said she’d would have to get back to me, and she’s going to be at another engagement, doesn’t know when the usual blah blah blah blah….. so from that point on she wouldn’t respond to texts or answer calls and would never give a time she’s available if she responded and basically ghosted me until, I decided to video call her basically a month after the first video call. She even declined one of my calls twice and said she couldn’t talk because she’s at dinner? She never responded to the text though from me, asking when she’d be available? I thought she was upset for a really dumb reason (because she sounded that way and disappointed in her voice) like not doing that video call out of the blue, which I texted her to schedule a time to do it another time. I didn’t expect her to pick up but she did, while driving?!?! It went well, and she needed to go help her mother fix dinner after arriving home, so she had to end it after around 40 minutes. She seemed really empathetic and kind, and I did mention I was going through tough times and what specific issues those were towards the end of the call. She listened intently and did offer concern and comfort…..

She told me that she also didn’t know again, when she’d be available and didn’t want to promise anything and then not be able to hold herself to that. So, SAAAMMMMMEEEEEE thing happens again for almost a month with her ignoring video calls and texts. Until finally I texted “???” in the early evening and the following early morning she wrote “Hi “blank,” I really appreciate your gestures in trying to keep in touch. However, I don’t see this moving further. I hope you understand.” I was shocked that she decided to do this over text and not at least a phone call, which I believe I deserve at the very least?

I did not respond to that, and this has been a little over a week now. I don’t think I should respond, since she showed such a lack of caring for my feelings, and she doesn’t deserve my response, since she didn’t even call me to say that. I have a REALLY BAD memory of a girl basically breaking things off with me by text, and it was REALLY painful for me, so I just don’t want to go down the same road again, and I believe a girl like this doesn’t deserve a second more of my time, and I believe she deserves to be ghosted, just like she did to me. It’s really a shame because I REALLY liked this girl, and I thought this was going to somewhere, and it’s the best match I’ve had so far on this app, and I’ve been using this app for more than a year now (I know not to put too much stock into apps, but this is one of the more serious ones that is geared towards long-term/marriage.)

I was on guard from the beginning though because I have the unfortunate luck of attracting women that like to play with my heart and soul. She lives in the Toronto suburbs, and I live in the US, so I know the distance thing wouldn’t be easy. She knew that from the beginning though I thought this one may be different, but after the weird behavior she exhibited then I had my doubts, and now I have come to the realization and strongly believe that I was just played around with by her and that this was just a big game for her. It boggles my mind, and I have read a lot of psychology to understand everything that happens to me because I’ve had similar situations like this happen to me from basically EVERY girl that I’ve been seriously interested in which has been a few. I don’t play games, and I’m always serious in these matters.

So, my question is….. what should I do from here? Should I try to get in contact or just leave it all up to her? This experience has REALLY hurt me and has made me INCREDIBLY sad….. Thank you all for your advice, insight, and assistance….. it is greatly appreciated!!!!!

Hey TennisMaestro,

What comes to my mind is you have seen this pattern is not working for you.

Maybe it's time then for a 90 degree shift in direction?

I want to share with you a thought, something I've learned, also the hard way. The vast majority of what comes out of our mouths, and others, comes from the intellectual side of our brains, but what people really want, and what they really respond too? That comes from their primal emotional side.

You did what you thought would make sense, and pursued a belief about her that you honestly believed. It's what we do, and it makes sense at the time, but then we learn, it doesn't work.

Think of it as an adventure. This is an opportunity to stop what isn't working, and to get know yourself on a deeper, primal level, and women too.