Starting to feel bitter towards women

Hey Markness,

I apologize if you already answered this, but depression sometimes really is due to a chemical imbalance, and treatable with medication. Sometimes people don't pursue this option due to fear of stigma, cost to see a physician, side-effects, wanting to solve it via 'will-power' alone, or just because of the depression, making it hard to take the step to see a doctor.

I took Wellbutrin for the last few months and it didn't help me at all. I've been on various medications but my mind remains depressed.

Hey Markness,

Markness wrote:I took Wellbutrin for the last few months and it didn't help me at all. I've been on various medications but my mind remains depressed.

Know you are struggling. I am not a physician so cannot help there in selecting a better option. All I can do is write, one man to another, understood. Depression sucks (fight with it myself).

I just don't understand the concept of needing to be happy with myself before I can have a lover. I see so many abusive jerks get all the girls and they don't get told to change who they are while I am told I have to give up. Would someone just please help me understand? Why is it bad that I want love while it's ok for an abusive jerk? I didn't learn nor was taught the rituals to the dating game. How was I supposed to know I needed to be happy and love myself when the knowledge didn't get passed on to me?

Markness wrote:I just don't understand the concept of needing to be happy with myself before I can have a lover.

If you're not happy with yourself first, then you can have nothing to offer a lover besides you own neediness and dependency. In which case, they're not a person, they're an addiction. Which is healthy for neither of you.

I would define "addiction" as: needing something excessively, having to have it, when that thing does you no lasting benefit. You can't do without it, and yet you derive no net good from it. It doesn't help you or build you up in any lasting way. It only affords momentary pleasure or distraction from pain. A sink for energy and resources without any gain and that, when used up, only leaves you empty and craving more.

Markness wrote:I didn't learn nor was taught the rituals to the dating game.

No one is explicitly taught these things. It's part of what you're supposed to learn by immersion growing up, but some of us are slower learners than others.

How was I supposed to know I needed to be happy and love myself when the knowledge didn't get passed on to me?

You didn't know you needed to be happy and love yourself? I don't believe you. The most important of life's lessons are not taught by direct instruction.

Start now. Practice gratitude and self-love now. The rest will fall into place when you're ready.

OP, you have to relax and know the female game in this new day and age. You're trying too hard and this turns women off. Women, for the most part, like the bad boy image or the alpha male. They don't like the "nice" guy in the middle, matter of fact, they hate him because whatever they say, the nice guy goes along with it. Women want a challenge, a constant challenge. Their like kids.

So, you may wonder how you play this game. Well, go to the gym, work out, buy some new clothes and give yourself a confident look that YOU like, not women. Don't be needy, don't be a lapdog that will cater to their every whim and twisted desire. Be yourself and observe how women react to different men and situations. Find your place in that dynamic and you will have women that want to know you. Always be a mystery, because if a woman has to chase you, that's what she wants. So, change your ways and let the women come to you. Good Luck!

pamelaperejil wrote:

Markness wrote:I didn't learn nor was taught the rituals to the dating game.

No one is explicitly taught these things. It's part of what you're supposed to learn by immersion growing up, but some of us are slower learners than others.

How was I supposed to know I needed to be happy and love myself when the knowledge didn't get passed on to me?

You didn't know you needed to be happy and love yourself? I don't believe you. The most important of life's lessons are not taught by direct instruction.

Start now. Practice gratitude and self-love now. The rest will fall into place when you're ready.

Trust me, I truly didn't know. I grew up being told to wait for "God's plan" and that He had everything in mind for me. Free will was considered an illusion or a lie from the devil.

How long will it take for me to be ready? I am almost 30 and it feels like my life is almost over.

alphanumber1 wrote:OP, you have to relax and know the female game in this new day and age. You're trying too hard and this turns women off. Women, for the most part, like the bad boy image or the alpha male. They don't like the "nice" guy in the middle, matter of fact, they hate him because whatever they say, the nice guy goes along with it. Women want a challenge, a constant challenge. Their like kids.

So, you may wonder how you play this game. Well, go to the gym, work out, buy some new clothes and give yourself a confident look that YOU like, not women. Don't be needy, don't be a lapdog that will cater to their every whim and twisted desire. Be yourself and observe how women react to different men and situations. Find your place in that dynamic and you will have women that want to know you. Always be a mystery, because if a woman has to chase you, that's what she wants. So, change your ways and let the women come to you. Good Luck!

This post may trigger some, but we avoid censorship here so long as posts are not attacking anyone or breaking the forum rules.

That written, I think this post is insightful too.

@Markness -

I saw your recent post about what you were taught to believe, and yea, that's what some (?most?) of us learn. We learn various stories about who we are, stories we tell each other, stories we tell ourselves, but...

Just from my own personal experience though, what people really respond too (their primal, emotional, who they are), is often very different from what they say they want. It's not just hard for you as someone struggling with Asperger's to see that, it's something almost everyone struggles with.

The disconnect between our logical minds, and emotional/primal minds is a reality too.

So I agree with both pamelapejil, and alphanumber1, but of course, it's not so simple to just change how you feel/think.

This is why what does work is to take actions. When we take actions, it changes how we feel/think too. Slowly, but it does work.

An action can be something extremely small, a step. It can be as simple as saying 'hi' to another women you want to say hi to, but can't. It can be as small as doing so once a day, or once a week. Yes, odds are you will be rejected, but these small steps, that if you practice, one day you realize you no longer fear saying 'hi'. Then another step...

alphanumber1 wrote:OP, you have to relax and know the female game in this new day and age. You're trying too hard and this turns women off. Women, for the most part, like the bad boy image or the alpha male. They don't like the "nice" guy in the middle, matter of fact, they hate him because whatever they say, the nice guy goes along with it. Women want a challenge, a constant challenge. Their like kids.

So, you may wonder how you play this game. Well, go to the gym, work out, buy some new clothes and give yourself a confident look that YOU like, not women. Don't be needy, don't be a lapdog that will cater to their every whim and twisted desire. Be yourself and observe how women react to different men and situations. Find your place in that dynamic and you will have women that want to know you. Always be a mystery, because if a woman has to chase you, that's what she wants. So, change your ways and let the women come to you. Good Luck!

I exercised at a gym for years but my body didn't respond to my efforts. I am still out of shape and flabby.