Starting to feel bitter towards women

Those "turkeys" would include my family members who look down on me, the ex-friends who decided they hated me or couldn't exploit me anymore, the Bible Belters who think I am "weird", and the bullies who told me I was never going to "get laid" after they punched and farted in my face.

What does any of this have to do with women & why do you blame women for your perceived failures?

I was looked down upon for being single and even considered unsuitable for relationships because I wasn't loud and aggressive. I wanted my individuality to be my key to success and prove my naysayers wrong because I didn't want to become a "bad boy"; that would go against who I am. But women just seem to only like men who prefer watching football over spending them with them. Even the women told me they preferred the mean guys and said nice men were "boring", "losers", or even "gay". I live in a culture that has extremely restrictive gender roles and even the more progressive minded women refuse to break the ones imposed on them. Making the first move in courtship? Splitting the dinner bill? Not expecting free drinks at the bars? Nah, the men can keep all those things. There are some women who agree with me on those things but they don't live in my area and either already have boyfriends or aren't interested in dating.

Women are the scapegoats for your unhappiness. Until you take responsibility for your life, you will continue to blame everyone but yourself.

But does that mean I have to be masochistic with myself?

You already are.

Just what should I do? I get told to work on myself but I honestly don't know how to go about it. Is it something I have to do every waking moment or when I have the time to do it? If I am not socializing, does that mean I am not working on myself?

Markness,

I've had a few hobbies, and practice is a big factor in life in general. Even if you are watching sports, musicians, or ... physicists/mathematicians or computer programmers, doesn't matter, practicing the moves, the songs, solving equations, or writing code, makes a difference.

But I also understand that your want for a human connection to a female is a primal instinct. That want goes deeper than the want to be good at hobbies/job, for some anyway. For some, the later is their primary motivator.

You know that it's also human nature that most of us have a tendency to see the 1%, and miss the 99%.

What I mean is, as an example, some people are bitter because they are not "rich". They see the 1% who are, to the exclusion of everyone else. They also really can come to believe that's the norm and see everything else through that distorted lens. Life is not fair, see they are rich! Oh and you can transfer that to seeing successful relationships, while missing all those who struggle. And if that's not enough to make the point, plenty of wealthy people end up miserable too when they fail to practice working on themselves, but...

I also understand, you are struggling with the extra difficulty of Asperger's, and until others have gone through that, they really should not be judging you based on what comes naturally to them either.

What I did want to write to you is that I suspect you may find your upcoming 30-40's are going to be a new adventure for you. Why do I write that?

Because it's true, people in their 20s tend to be attracted to each other over primal instincts, just as you have observed, but people have a way of changing in their 30s, 40s, etc. Their priorities change. What they value as attractive, meaningful, changes.

I urge you to do both, be patient, but also, yes practice. A life couch, a therapist, and sometimes just time, all can help.

I can't see my new therapist again until near the end of the month and I don't know how to go about getting a life coach. I feel like a freak because I can't do what normally comes natural for men my age and I am considered unworthy of a relationship because I am a introvert. I go through the day suffering and the day ends without a solution to my suffering.

Markness wrote:I don't want to feel this way but my failures to establish a relationship for nearly the last 8 years is making me feel bitter towards women. I've tried to do things that others tell me to do in order to attract women but nothing ever works out. I always see men punching women in the face and harassing them in all sorts of ways but they are the ones with girlfriends while I am alone. I am almost 30 and I feel so behind and hopeless about my situation ever getting better. I really don't want to hate women but I fear I'll have to become what I hate (A cold iron pumping alpha male) to finally have a relationship.

Mark, one girl you genuinely enjoy hanging out with beats 1000 mediocre relationships, don't beat yourself over numbers, just a useless statistics. None of my female friends would ever go for 'cold iron pumping alpha male', all people crave understanding, love, friendship and honesty, not pretense nor violence. Not if you step away from temporary pleasures and observe the wider picture.

Relax and stop trying. All the guys I ever fell for sort of came accidentally in my life through some sort of mutual interest. What made me fell for them was the fact they were never obsessed with pursuing me but always had their own thing going on (their personal happiness never depended on me or any other person), fall in love with your passions and let the people come or leave if they feel like it. The less you force it, the more they'll be coming after you.
Follow your thing and sooner or later it'll lead you to those similar to you. if you're not sure what your thing is yet - then that's the direction to go first.