Starting to feel bitter towards women

Markness wrote:I live in the Bible Belt and the culture of the city I live in is shallow and boring. People just don't seem to want to make friends with me because they already have enough or they think I am ugly. My hair is thinning in the front of my head, I am overweight, and I have weak muscles.

Where do you feel comfortable?

And chances are you're not the only one in your area who feels that way.

I wish I could move but I don't have the money to do so. I earn only poverty level income as well.

Money can be constraining. If I were you I would make moving a medium to long term goal. There must be some way out. Can you go to school out of your area? Or work on expanding your skill set; finding more things you can get paid to do.

I like that I am not an ignorant redneck or robotic Bible Belter.

I like people when they are open minded and friendly. When they aren't, I feel hurt.

I like how women are generally more accepting of who I am and not what I am expected to be. I also like the voices and creativity of artistic minded women. Outside of extreme obesity or anorexic skinniness, I love the feminine form as well.

I see. The internet may be your best bet for now. I would work on connecting to people online with similar interests and then finding a way out of your area and on to better things. I also know couples who have met online and had it work out in real life. It's definitely possible.

When I was in college, there was this independent radio station that was one of the centers of counter culture in town. I don't know exactly where you live, but there seem to be a number of those stations in the Bible belt area. They operate largely from volunteers, since they don't run ads. The deal was, if you volunteered a certain number of hours they gave you a time-slot where you could do your own radio show a couple of hours a week. Something like that might put you in contact with like minded people.

Another idea might be to sign on with one of the Gospel Missions that run for homeless people. The religious stuff is a drag, but if you can stomach it it might be a way out of town, at least. You sign on to their Program (usually from 6 months to 18 months) and work there for room and board and a small cash allowance. But it's a way to learn new skills, and they have locations all over the country. If you're in the Program, I think they'll also pay for your schooling at a community college. I was at one of the Missions for several months once. Not because I was in The Program but because they'll reserve you a bed if you have a job. I stayed there until I could afford to afford to move out on my own.

Again, the internet offers a temporary escape and the chance to interact with different people. I don't recommend escaping to the internet as a long term solution to your problems but... if it's beyond your power to change much about your immediate situation, it might provide some temporary relief while you check out better long-term options.

Good luck.

I just don't feel like anything can change in my life. I missed out on so many milestones such as never dating in high school, I didn't go to prom, I didn't date in college, and I can't even get a simple coffee date. I've fallen so far behind that I fear it's too late to ever achieve my romantic dreams.

one of the hardest things to do in life is to see over the horizon when you're stuck in some trench. and aspies have great difficulty with imagination too. they just can't envisage things being different, because they lack that spark of irrational optimism.

what realityhere is telling you is undoubtedly spot on. but, almost undoubtedly, you won't believe that. you're intellectualising everything instead of trying to connect with your feelings. and that's why you're getting nowhere. relationships are about feelings. you don't find someone by writing a list of desirable attributes. you do it by connecting with someone on an emotional level. you nicely skipped over my last post in this tread because you just don't get this, and until you do you're going to remain alone in life.

Since that point has already been made several times, it seems of little good to keep rehashing it.

Nice to see you again shock_the_monkey.

In case that came across the wrong way: I literally meant, it's good to see you. I missed reading your posts. No other subtext implied.

shock_the_monkey wrote:relationships are about feelings. you don't find someone by writing a list of desirable attributes. you do it by connecting with someone on an emotional level.

True words.

Okay some (many?) people do pursue a shopping list, but how well does it work for them? I believe the hope is that after my shopping list is filled, then I'll be able to feel something, but again, does that work?

I am going to give an analogy -

A side hobby of mine is listening to music, and audio gear. Some people I communicate with never enjoy the listening to music part. They are obsessed with the pursuit of audio gear ("maybe if I just get one new piece of audio gear, I'll be able to enjoy the music?"). It's a very different mindset to enjoy the music first, and the pursuit of better gear second.

Now I am not saying they should enjoy what is truly awful sounding to them, but I am saying they are never going to enjoy listening to music, because they are stuck in an obsessive loop in which no matter what gear they have, they will never enjoy it, there is always some reason they will be disappointed.

What I am saying is that the way to break that loop is to stop, start enjoying the music, and as it relates to this thread, to focus on enjoying those emotions around others. BTW this is true for all of us. It's not even about being aspie or not, it's that many of us get in the habit of an inability to enjoy those moments. When we are thinking I am not going to enjoy any moments until I find my perfect match, well then yep, we are not going to enjoy any moments.

I just found out that a new female co-worker who is my type is married. This only further discourages me and makes me feel like the number of single women is dropping the longer I am unable to even get a date.

Does it occur to you that your negative view of yourself may manifest in vibes that others pick up? That doesn't attract ppl, much less women.

My previous post here still stands, so get moving on some goals to meet ppl instead of whining about how your life has been.

I hope mark1958, a mod who is currently away, won't mind my quoting something he wrote a long time ago, but I think it's relevant here for you.

"Happiness is a "habit". It is not something that arrives at your doorstep. It is not something that happens to you. It is not because every circumstance in your life is positive or you have no problems. (For what is life, but an endless sea of problems!) Happiness is not something you "get". It is something you choose.

Most people live on a deferred payment plan.

I will be happy when...

"I pay off the mortgage"

"The kids are grown"

"I find the woman/man of my dreams"

"I am married or rich"

"I am perfect or without flaws/weaknesses"

Etc, etc...

Life goes by and you realize, Hey, I have never been happy.

Happiness is something you practice...each and every day.

To focus on the best thoughts possible. No matter what. In life, there are real limits, and then there are the ones we create in our imaginations. Our imaginary ones cause us the most pain."

I just don't know where to begin. I am limited by my work schedule and the difficulties Aspergers gives me. I also don't have any therapy currently.