Starting to feel bitter towards women

I don't want to feel this way but my failures to establish a relationship for nearly the last 8 years is making me feel bitter towards women. I've tried to do things that others tell me to do in order to attract women but nothing ever works out. I always see men punching women in the face and harassing them in all sorts of ways but they are the ones with girlfriends while I am alone. I am almost 30 and I feel so behind and hopeless about my situation ever getting better. I really don't want to hate women but I fear I'll have to become what I hate (A cold iron pumping alpha male) to finally have a relationship.

Markness wrote:I always see men punching women in the face and harassing them in all sorts of ways but they are the ones with girlfriends while I am alone.

... if this is what you think works, you're moving in the wrong circles. finding someone is less about trying and more about simply casting your nets far enough. you seem to me to be fishing in the wrong place ...

Markness wrote:I really don't want to hate women but I fear I'll have to become what I hate (A cold iron pumping alpha male) to finally have a relationship.

... and it's giving you the wrong attitude too.

Where are you looking for women? I'm completely socially inept and certainly not a model, but I haven't had trouble finding men on dating sites and I've seen how many women are still single in their 30s who want to settle down and have kids. In fact, technically men should find it easier since there are apparently more single women than men.

Also, what sort of women are you looking for? Are you narrowing your dating pool too much? I've seen a lot of people (men and women) do that and complain they can't find anyone. I'm not saying that's your case, but it may be something to bear in mind (or for anyone else reading this). If you're not ripped with a six pack from being a 'cold iron pumping male' then you're unlikely to attract the sort of women that go to the gym and live on salads. I used to look amazing when I was young, but it took constant hardcore exercise and an incredibly strict diet, and I wouldn't have dated anyone who wasn't similar as our lifestyle/routines would have been completely incompatible. Check that you are looking for your equivalent, since most people end up with a similar type. If you aren't attracted to your equivalent, then you'll need to change yourself into the equivalent of your ideal match first.

people that treat relationships like buying a car are always going to be disappointed. when the paint is wearing off and the engine isn't quite as sweet anymore, they're bound to be looking for a trade-in. not the way to do it. there has to be something deeper than that. something more than just the initial chemistry. something that touches the soul. and the trick is to be able to recognise that. in fact, it's easy to know when you've found it, because it ceases to be about you and becomes about them instead. if it's all about you, it isn't love and it probably won't last.

Ella_GY wrote:Where are you looking for women? I'm completely socially inept and certainly not a model, but I haven't had trouble finding men on dating sites and I've seen how many women are still single in their 30s who want to settle down and have kids. In fact, technically men should find it easier since there are apparently more single women than men.

I've looked in places like music clubs, anime conventions, bookstores, speed dating, internet dating, church groups, and bars. Some places others told me to look in, some because I felt like I would be in my element but I was still the odd man out.

My experiences on dating sites differ from yours. I had to binge message but I never got any meaningful responses from the women I was interested in. They just said "Hi" and disappeared. An ex-female friend of mine always got dates on those sites while I never did. I swore them off completely because the disappointments, frustration, and stress started killing me. I don't find it easy at all. I feel like the universe told me "###$ you!" whenever I tried.

Also, what sort of women are you looking for? Are you narrowing your dating pool too much? I've seen a lot of people (men and women) do that and complain they can't find anyone. I'm not saying that's your case, but it may be something to bear in mind (or for anyone else reading this). If you're not ripped with a six pack from being a 'cold iron pumping male' then you're unlikely to attract the sort of women that go to the gym and live on salads. I used to look amazing when I was young, but it took constant hardcore exercise and an incredibly strict diet, and I wouldn't have dated anyone who wasn't similar as our lifestyle/routines would have been completely incompatible. Check that you are looking for your equivalent, since most people end up with a similar type. If you aren't attracted to your equivalent, then you'll need to change yourself into the equivalent of your ideal match first.

I really want a woman who is nerdy/geeky or gothic/punk/alternative or atleast has common interests with me. From what I've observed, average women in my area don't share my interests so I can't really talk to them.

"I really want a woman who is nerdy/geeky or gothic/punk/alternative or atleast has common interests with me. From what I've observed, average women in my area don't share my interests so I can't really talk to them."

Uh, the problem I see here is that you view "average" as what? No such thing as "average" women.

You seem to have narrowed your search for the "ideal" woman down to having a commonality of interests that match your own. Ever occur to you that a woman has her own autonomy and interests that can be also be thought-provoking and interesting on their own?

realityhere wrote:"I really want a woman who is nerdy/geeky or gothic/punk/alternative or atleast has common interests with me. From what I've observed, average women in my area don't share my interests so I can't really talk to them."

Uh, the problem I see here is that you view "average" as what? No such thing as "average" women.

You seem to have narrowed your search for the "ideal" woman down to having a commonality of interests that match your own. Ever occur to you that a woman has her own autonomy and interests that can be also be thought-provoking and interesting on their own?

I was talking about my area, not globally. I live in the Bible Belt and the social stratification between the sexes has a lot of negative effects. I also have Aspergers which doesn't help things.

I don't require my potential girlfriend to like everything I like. Just enough common interests would be fine and I would be open to learning about what she is interested in.

Eh, I'm as familiar with the Bible-Belt as much as you are, grew up there. But what you describe as "average" women in the Bible Belt is rather insulting-- you're slapping a label on either what you don't know or really don't care to know. It goes to show what little you do know.

I understand that you struggle with Asperger's, but who doesn't struggle with something in their lives? I don't know of anybody who's had it all served up on a silver spoon and never had to struggle with something in their lives. Real life teaches hard lessons, yes, but it's what we learn or don't learn from those lessons that makes all the difference.

realityhere wrote:Eh, I'm as familiar with the Bible-Belt as much as you are, grew up there. But what you describe as "average" women in the Bible Belt is rather insulting-- you're slapping a label on either what you don't know or really don't care to know. It goes to show what little you do know.

I understand that you struggle with Asperger's, but who doesn't struggle with something in their lives? I don't know of anybody who's had it all served up on a silver spoon and never had to struggle with something in their lives. Real life teaches hard lessons, yes, but it's what we learn or don't learn from those lessons that makes all the difference.

Don't put words in my mouth. My parents associated with a lot of people and forced me to go into social situations I did not want to be in so I've hadbplenty of social observations throughout my life. They also shoved their outlooks down my throat and whenever I tried to debate with them, they would shrug me off.

I also didn't even really describe what the average Bible Belt woman is like. You are pulling stuff out of thin air. You aren't hearing me out and are jumping to conclusions.

I've actually had a female personal trainer tell me I should only date "Christian girls" as if non-Christian girls were bad. I've also met women who think men who aren't Christian are "immoral" and are undateable.

"Don't put words in my mouth. My parents associated with a lot of people and forced me to go into social situations I did not want to be in so I've hadbplenty of social observations throughout my life. They also shoved their outlooks down my throat and whenever I tried to debate with them, they would shrug me off.

I also didn't even really describe what the average Bible Belt woman is like. You are pulling stuff out of thin air. You aren't hearing me out and are jumping to conclusions.

I've actually had a female personal trainer tell me I should only date "Christian girls" as if non-Christian girls were bad. I've also met women who think men who aren't Christian are "immoral" and are undateable."

Mark,

Oh, I'm hearing you out alright. I've followed your posts on being unable to have a relationship with a woman ever since you started complaining about the issue.

Now I see why.

It has nothing to do with your Asperger's and everything to do what you just wrote in your post to me.

You drive ppl away with your unhappy assumptions.

You've already written yourself off without giving yourself and others a chance. You want advice and help here, but you've turned every response into a negative. Truth be told, that's the vibe readers are getting here from you.

And it's the kind of vibe that doesn't draw lady luck.

If you don't believe me, re-read your responses to past replies carefully in your previous posts about not getting married before 30, about killing yourself if you don't get married by age 30, etc. Every response you made is a negative. Who'd want to live with that?

Only you can make the changes that you want to happen. You seem to expect that a girlfriend or a wife will make you happy. If you're not happy in your own skin, nobody's gonna make you happy regardless.