Please help me, the boyfriend

Hello all,

I am new to this site, this is my first post. So hello moderators reading this post for approval.

To keep myself anonymous, I will be using fake names in this post. So call me....Leroy.

I have been dating a girl named... Adriana for quite some time, and I have known her for even longer. She has mental health issues, but most notably anxiety. I am in love with this girl, the story couldn't be any more perfect. I really see Adriana in my future.

Her anxiety completely controls her life any mine. Adriana's anxiety controls her from going out a lot, making plans seems to just be impossible. It also makes me having my own life seem very hard because I feel like I cant actually be independent because of this.

I don't want to resent her because of her anxiety, especially because I know that its not her, its the anxiety.

So my question really to everyone here. On either side of the coin. What are some best tips and advice you can give me. What is maybe a new way to approach talking about how she is feeling or a different way to try to understand her. Is there ever a time will she will be able fight her anxiety better in the future?

Not really sure what all the right questions are and also didn't want to put to much information in case Adriana uses this site.

Thank you all for your replies in advance.

From,
The worried boyfriend
Leroy

i, personally, think it's a mistake to try to separate a person from their mental health problems - it's all them. it would be a bit like saying there's an NT me and an AS not-me. sorry, but there's only me ... and i am AS. when we do this, we create an illusion that goes along the lines of: if only they were not mentally ill. my advice: try not to build your future around an illusion.

Anxiety is a horrible feeling . My boyfriend has it and seeing him hurts . Recently I've been facing my own share of anxiety . All I can say is support her as much as you can . She's already anxious don't make her lonely too . Don't take her anxiety for stress. Keep assuring her that you are with her and will always be . I know what youre talking about when you say she doesnt want to go out . Its ok . Spend quality time at home . Eventually when she sees your efforts she will find some motivation to return the happiness you gave her . Anxiety is a bitch . It ruins a lot of things. I'm sure she needs you the most right now. Just google how to handle partners anxiety there are plenty of articles that will help. Don't forget to hug her and embrace her. When shes irritated and agitated and doesnt want to be touched . Dont touch. But dont leave. Stay there. Talk something encouraging. It is a sacrifice that has to be made . You will have to walk on eggshells. You cannot talk freely. Because you dont know what might trigger . But if you love her that wont stop you from loving her or telling her everything about your life or day. Tell her everything . But process everything in your head before doing so . You know her fears and weaknesses. Dont let them come through even a little bit in your conversations . Don't show that youre stressed because of her in front of her she may start blaming herself and go into depression . Just spend as much time as you can with her. She will get better . Encourage her to go to a psychologist. If shes scared or reluctant . Try going for the first session with her.

If you love her . Fight with her against her anxiety. Good luck. Dont forget to read articles and most important trick is to do deep breathing exercises with her .

TheeBoyfriend wrote:I don't want to resent her because of her anxiety, especially because I know that its not her, its the anxiety.

... to me, saying you don't want to resent here because of her anxiety means that you do. and, as per my prior post, this is her. if this isn't something that you can live with, this relationship isn't going to work. you'll wear yourself out trying. sadly, i think you may have to learn that lesson yourself.

I appreciate the advice. My question is how do you cope and deal with your own issues without being stressed in from on them. Or how do you improve yourself without taking away valuable time away from them?
An issue I'm having now is that I used to be independent before she came and now that we are together, I feel the need to spend all of my free time with her and don't feel like I have any time to do what I need or want to. She does see doctors now, so that part is out of the way. She knows I am willing to go to a session with her but has not seemed that she needs me to go to a session.

this is going to sound counter-intuitive, however, in a word: detachment. learn to be more emotionally detached, as this will give you better objectivity. the other word here is: balance. learn to balance her needs against your own. otherwise, you will come to resent her.