Dealing with a narc (dark triad I think) at work.

caterpillar777 wrote:

Quoth wrote:So what is the evidentiary basis for this belief?

Who are you, that I need to prove anything to you? A judge? lol Don't think so. I am here to get info and advice. If you have no expertise in this, keep walking...

I know the belief that one’s emotional reaction to a given situation is a true representation of that situation without objective evidence, is a cognitive distortion known as ‘emotional reasoning’.

If applied to the belief that another person is out to get you, then we are talking about a persecutory delusion.

Given you seem to believe your boss to be a narcissist, based on your other posts, this seems to be a pattern and one indicative of paranoia.

You seem to be reading accusation into a relatively straightforward question and reacting in a combative manner which plays to the same theme.

If you don’t have an objective evidentiary basis for this belief and you take action anyway, then your work environment may well become far more hostile than it currently is.

Making a complaint about her behaviour is the correct response if your perceived persecution is real and while you may not have to prove anything to me, whomever you make a complaint to will ask you the same question and you will have to prove it to to them.

caterpillar777,

The trouble is, when you see one 'narc' in your life, you're suddenly seeing narcissists everywhere you look. You may be reading more into ppl's looking (at you) or talking (about you behind your back) as everything seems magnified 10x when it really may not be the case. If you're uncomfortable about your job situation, then perhaps it's the best idea to consider a job move elsewhere.

Btw, I don't have a PD, but I can understand both your view and the NPD forum members' view here.

Let's say for the purpose of a discussion you're right about her being a backstabbing b*tch. Why do you think she targeted you out of all people? What was she hoping to achieve - drive you away? Do you have something she wants or have challenged her in some way?

To be honest, I don't think I'd leave the place without sorting things out first. Whether you plan on leaving or staying, I think you should speak with your boss and other employees. Drama free, rational approach and no pointing fingers at anyone without evidence. Focus on resolving the gossip, a 'guilty' person would never have the guts to address it in front of everyone and you're currently probably behaving as you truly are guilty. If she hoped you'll back down and keep quiet, speak up. If she hoped you'll create drama and sound like a lunatic, well..don't.
Also, I imagine there'll be at least one similarly charming backstabbing person in every future job you'll ever have (labels are useless here), backing down and running away after you've worked your ass for getting there shouldn't be your weapon of choice.
Spit in her black sugarless coffee on your way out perhaps?
If all this is in your head, go see a doctor before interviewing for the next job. You do sound paranoid (doesn't mean they're not out to get you though )

a lack of eloquence is not paranoia. as a general rule of thumb, i tend to believe what people say of themselves and their situations unless there's evidence to the contrary. i see no such evidence here.

Shenzi wrote:Let's say for the purpose of a discussion you're right about her being a backstabbing b*tch. Why do you think she targeted you out of all people? What was she hoping to achieve - drive you away? Do you have something she wants or have challenged her in some way?

To be honest, I don't think I'd leave the place without sorting things out first. Whether you plan on leaving or staying, I think you should speak with your boss and other employees. Drama free, rational approach and no pointing fingers at anyone without evidence. Focus on resolving the gossip, a 'guilty' person would never have the guts to address it in front of everyone and you're currently probably behaving as you truly are guilty. If she hoped you'll back down and keep quiet, speak up. If she hoped you'll create drama and sound like a lunatic, well..don't.
Also, I imagine there'll be at least one similarly charming backstabbing person in every future job you'll ever have (labels are useless here), backing down and running away after you've worked your ass for getting there shouldn't be your weapon of choice.
Spit in her black sugarless coffee on your way out perhaps?
If all this is in your head, go see a doctor before interviewing for the next job. You do sound paranoid (doesn't mean they're not out to get you though )

Shenzi - I think you're right! Much like in the Wizard of Oz series, what's needed here is courage.

shock_the_monkey wrote:a lack of eloquence is not paranoia. as a general rule of thumb, i tend to believe what people say of themselves and their situations unless there's evidence to the contrary. i see no such evidence here.

In one of her previous posts she mentioned there are predators everywhere, starting from her family, boss and now a co-worker. Not saying it's impossible, though she didn't give any arguments for saying so.
I do partially agree with you, hence why my previous answer is based on the assumption everything she mentioned is true. Doesn't make much difference to me really, I hope she kicks their bullying asses in any case.

Hey caterpillar777,

So I hope this is helpful...

The fundamental question I use to understand myself, and others, is to ask a question. The question is, what are they/I getting out of this? The question is based on the premise that everything we choose to do, think about, obsess about, believe, revolves around we are getting something out it.

The question is easier asked of others, because when it comes to ourselves, asking that question challenges our own beliefs, and with that, we may avoid facing the answers, but it still a very valuable question (it gets to truth of the matter more often than not).

So you can ask, what did this other person get out of gossiping about what you revealed?

You can also ask, what are you getting out of it now focusing on their opinions of you?

I leave the answers to these questions to you to sort out, and not everyone can do it (ask those questions).

I see narcs like you guys as bunch of losers, who can't build their own life, they have to look for it outside of themselves and still won't find it.

Well I take back my attempt to help few posts above, I've mistaken you for a reasonable person dealing with bullying.
ps. what you just wrote - a projection. Shooting only at yourself with those words.

caterpillar777 wrote:I see narcs like you guys as bunch of losers, who can't build their own life, they have to look for it outside of themselves and still won't find it.

... does it at all cross your mind that this might be ever so slightly an over-generalisation. there isn't anyone that doesn't have problems. but calling all NPD's losers is just plain unjustifiable. there are actually very few people here that aren't trying to help other people, whilst also trying to figure out their own problems. and i'm fairly sure that includes NPD's. if you go through life only seeing the worst in other people, please don't be surprised if they don't disappoint you.