I LOVE a beautiful blonde girl but I think she's very ill..

*** TRIGGER WARNING ***

Hi.

A very loving sweet blonde girl with the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, that I think has Schizophrenia, fell in love with me. She wants me to always be near her and says she's gonna k... herself if I go away. She freaks out when I don't answer her after 2 minutes. She always thinks I think she's ugly, and I'm gonna leave her, and thinks someone's gonna hurt me, and her. Says people are outside. Took me a while to actually find out the condition she had. I cry all the time because I LOVE HER SO MUCH but probably we will never be together. I'm completely devastated and my food has no flavour anymore.. Nobody wants to help me, or her, and she's getting worse.. I have a lump in my throat as I write this. She wants babies, and wants to always be with me. Says I'm the only one that gives her comfort, and I'm the only one that gives her hope so she can still keep breathing. I smoke a pack after pack of cigarettes and I lost all hope in everything in life. On her episodes, she can't concentrate. And I have to repeat one thing a hundred times. She often doesn't make any sense and always changes subjects quickly. She often forgets my name, so I have to constantly remind her how to call me. Then she remembers everything about me. My tears are falling on my keyboard as I'm writing this.. My heart is broken into tiny pieces that I can never put together. I can never be the same again. I condemn God for doing this to me, and her. I call her Angel. And I call her my African Jungle Bunny, even though she's White, haha. She calls me Grumpy Giraffe, every day. She often makes videos and photos just for me, and she's so funny and she says she loves me so much and says when she sees me, her chest starts to burn a lot, her knees are getting weak and her heart is gonna burst when I'm away. She often cries on the videos too. Cries that I'm gonna leave her. She has no friends, and everyone calls her stupid, ugly, freak.. It's only me that cares. I watch her videos every day. First thing in the morning when I wake up from sleep. Yesterday I self harmed. I do not wish this to anyone. Even to my greatest enemy. Some of you don't know how this feels. It's the worst pain I've ever felt. And I don't want to live anymore..

I’m from Bulgaria, and she’s from the US. She said if anyone around her finds out she loves me, they’ll lock her away, get her phone, and she’ll die if she doesn’t see or hear me anymore. I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped and I can’t even breathe.

At first I thought she was being abused, so I went and called a bunch of Police Departments from abroad with my broken ass English. I don't use my English very often so it's a huge cringe for me.

The Deputies understood me, thought she was scamming me, asked me if she wanted money from me, and I said that I actually offered her money and she refused and they said that they can't do anything and she has to file a report herself, if she's being abused.

She told me all these crazy stories, at first I thought they were real. But now, she keeps telling me more and more stories that are just too supernatural to be real. And she does these black drawings.. And, she's hurting. I miss her so much. I love her so much.

I don't know what to do. I want to just move on because that's an immense pain for me and I can't work. But it's not that easy.. I don't know what to do, people.

I can't go like this forever, and I think this is getting nowhere. If she's really ill, her parents can have custody over her which means I will never be able to see her! Because they'll be afraid everyone's gonna use her and abuse her. And obviously she can't do normal daily tasks by herself, so she can't do anything herself about that! But I can't go like that forever, being afraid for her, thinking about her all the time. I'm losing it already. I almost lost a client because of that yesterday and I can't even do my job. I lost 5 kilos since this started.

Today, I told her that I talked to a Doctor, showed him our chats, and he confirmed she may have a mental illness. Most of the people when accused with something like that, especially girls, will just go nuts. If someone says I'm sick, I will just laugh it off and tell him to f off. She answered... "I really want to kiss you right now. I miss you so much. I'm glad you're here. I want to hug you and lie next to you so you can keep me forever warm". I busted into tears because she basically, what she did was... She didn't say no, and actually confirmed that with her reaction.

People, you can't possibly understand how much I care about her..

* mod edit - removed potentially identifying photo *

hi NEROMARE,

my ex-girlfriend has schizophrenia. it didn't end well. she ended up emotionally hurting me so deeply that i just couldn't take anymore.

with that in mind, i think you need to try to distance yourself from this emotional roller coaster and try, if you can, just to be a friend to her. she undoubtedly needs help, however, the best help you can be to her is just being there for her.

i do think that you're perhaps being a bit premature with your diagnosis, however, there may be factors that you haven't shared here that have lead you to this conclusion.

very best wishes,

shock (the monkey).

Hey NEROMARE,

We aren't qualified to diagnose her, and no professional would do so based on an online description.

For the sake of helping you though, let's assume she does have schizophrenia.

My real concern for you then is that while you are being idealized now (and yes this feels good, boosts our self-esteem to be idealized), that it is based on delusions she has about you, and worse, those delusions will turn against you at some point, and you risk being even more hurt. Once you become a nemesis in her mind, it will be constant paranoia you'll have to deal with, you will become a villain, and there is just no end to how far it can go when someone is thinking this way.

Again, understood being idealized now feels good and you are not ready to give that part up yet, but...

Also I have concerns that in order to keep the peace, you increasingly find yourself agreeing with her delusions, which may seem like a kind thing to do at first, but it's going to take a toll on your own sanity. It's actually not good for her either to spiral down into her thinking, but really, if she has schizophrenia then she needs help from a neutral, objective, professional.

From what you wrote, it appears you are already getting sucked into her world, and you mean well, but it's really not going to help her get better.

i do agree with what xdude said. a feature of schizophrenia is that the schizophrenic turns their paranoia against those that are closest to them. and that's exactly why i told you to distance yourself from this emotional roller coaster. and they can become aggressive if you try to correct their delusions too.

in my case, i was in a no win situation. i really should have got out much sooner than i did but i felt guilty about abandoning someone that was so clearly very ill. the saddest thing that i found was that i simply couldn't help her. she was completely in denial about her schizophrenia, and every time i tried to raise the subject with her i got completely shredded.

it's really up to you how much of this you feel that you can take.