Love, and what to do?

Hey guys!

I have a problem and hope you can give me some advice.
The situation is as follows:
There's a guy I met at the beginning of the year. This may sound weird now; we got to know each other in a mental institution.
I was fascinated by him the moment I laid eyes on him. At first I didn't have much to do with him 'cause of my hanging out with another friend. Then we did become friends over the course of time. Secretly I had fallen for him; he seemed perfect to me. Most of my feelings, however, were tainted with fear. I hardly could stand being in his presence, nor deal with his absence. Of course I hoped he was gay, but the thought also scared me; actually I was afraid of pretty much anything at that time.

When he was discharged, we stayed in contact and spent some time together. I was, however, always the one running after him, 'cause he's kinda careless and not really initiative.
He once, at the beginning, asked me to go to the fair, just the two of us, which naturally fueled my hopes. On several occasions he made remarks that almost seemed like hints, like he wanted to see what my opinion on homosexuality was. Sometimes he made ambiguous compliments and even jokingly talked about gay sex, and I played along.

Since May, however, he's been gone, moved out of town to something like a rehab-assisted living kind of thing. We maintained contact over ICQ and cell messaging, once he even called me out of the blue. However, lately I've been feeling like he's avoiding me. He never messages, he's not there when he says he will be, his replies are short and curt, almost reluctant, or he doesn't write back at all.
To fit into my still lively hope I've ascribed this to the theory that maybe after all this time he has given up trying 'cause I've never given him concrete reason to believe I'm anything more than a good friend.

I really feel I'm in love with him. Not a day passes that I don't think about him and ache. I've never really hurt because of someone like this. I so wish we could get together.
The question now is: should I tell him the truth and risk losing his friendship, in case this is what he considers our relationship to be anyway? Should I wait for him to return? I don't know when he'll come back, or if at all. I only know I can't leave things like that, I can't let this go, I've put too much heart and pain in this.

What am I to do?

Appreciate your help, thx.

R.

Well Guy, I'm no expert, but I would say telling him would be a good idea... if you think your relationship (friend or otherwise) is important to you. If he has mental health issues of his own, his lack of interest recently may just be related to that. So, I wouldn't assume it means anything more. But you'll never know how he feels about you and your orientation unless you tell him. It might not go the way you hope, but at least you were honest and tried.

If you do decide to tell him, just make sure you remind him that you're telling him because you respect his friendship and that if he isn't interested in you in "that way" that you'll never bring it up again... that you'll maintain the level of relationship that he's comfortable with. Having a friend tell you they're in love with you can be hard to take, regardless of gender or orientation, so he might need some time to adjust. If he doesn't want to take that step or wants to end your friendship - that's HIS issue, and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with YOU.

Best of luck - I hope things work out for you!

Hey plicketycat, thank you a lot for your reply! You see it exactly the way I do. After all, the truth is always the right thing.
But how do I tell him? Just send a message? Call him? Either way, I guess just bringing it out is important, regardless the means.
I just hope it won't hurt me too much if he turns out to be just another heartache on my list.

Plicketycat,

So you guys met in a mental institution; that's probably not the best place to find love. How much do you really know about him? I find that people with problems tend to seek others with problems, which intern eventually creates more problems for both people. Are you really in love with this guy, or are you in love with the thought of what he could be? Let me say, if you are out of the institution and doing well, you might want to consider just putting all that behind you and starting fresh; especially since he has seemed to drop off the face of the earth. Instead of sending him a text professing your love, send yourself a text and profess your love for yourself.

There's a ton of guys out there, and plenty who will make you feel the same way and much, much more. My advice, clean-slate it.

bradley

I can't keep clean-slating everything in my life.
I've been to a madhouse three times now, I'm not yet sure if it's the last I'll ever hear of it.

People are always what we wish and expect them to be. The way I have gotten to know him tells me there's so much more inside him that I want to find out.

Of course there are other guys out there, but I won't find them sitting on my couch hoping for luck to fall out of the sky.

(To anyone still reading this)

This really takes the cake!

While still trying to figure out how to possibly tell him the truth - he messages me, "Hey honey, what's up? I'm doing great right now! Hit me back, please!"

Yeah, and I did. And we made an appointment. And as usual he didn't show.

So I was like, "You abandoned me again! 'Honey', as if! It's all just idle talk."

He didn't reply. Is it just me or is that weird?

Sounds a little scatterbrained... he may be having issues with his MI. Do you know what his diagnosis was? If he's bi-polar or dissociative, he might be contacting you when he's "up" but then not remembering or losing track when it comes for the follow up.

I know this situation is hard for you. For your own sanity, you might want to set a limit (amount of contacts or time) before you drop your interest level back down to casual friends and find yourself a brand new cutie.

We're here for you!

As far as I know he had a psychotic episode induced by drugs. He never seemed depressed or ill in any other way except for his poor memory and indifferent behavior.
I'm thinking about writing him, "Hey sweetie, don't you think we should talk?"

Or should I?

Sending him a message like "Hey, sorry we missed each other (day you were supposed to talk). Drop me a line soon so we can talk."

I wouldn't bother sending him a message. Why do you say, "I can't keep clean slating it." .. Oh please, of course you can. You need to clean slate it as many times as it takes to get it right. Just the fact that you say it might not be the last you've heard of it (the mental institute) shows that you are not committed to putting it all behind you, which will ultimately end you up there again most likely.

Change the way you think about the situation and you will change the situation.