My Catfish (a squalid little tale). (Long!)

Hi, all. I hesitate to post this story as it's now because my story is over and done with, but it's deeply affected me and also I feel very, very stupid. But maybe sharing it will put it to bed once and for all! It also goes some way to explain why I have such a problem with Internet relationships.

Last year I was catfished, and I have definitive proof today that my catfish is married, thanks to all the New Year messages he's had on Facebook to himself and his wife!

A bit about me: I'm 48F, disabled and have been widowed for 4 years. I have anxiety, depressions and borderline agoraphobia. I've had 4 ops in 3 years and now have a stoma bag. Love's young dream I am not. In March 2016 I got to know a chap in one of my FB groups. He was also disabled (so he said) and seemed lovely. We chatted a great deal via FB Messenger - we seemed to have so much in common (I now know that he was mirroring me to get me hooked). He told me he had been divorced for 8 years & had no family (hah!). After a fortnight of this intense messaging, he told me he loved me. I didn't believe him - of course, I didn't - but I was intrigued and hooked enough to want to know more.

He eventually gave me his phone number and we chatted for hours. It was amazing. There was a woman at his home, very often, and he explained her presence by saying she was his "carer". I believed him but looking back, I now realise this "carer" was his wife. She phoned me one lunchtime and asked me who I was, as she had found my number on the phone. What carer would do that in a client's home?! Alarm bells rang but I ignored them - so lonely, so vulnerable was I.
Amazingly we did Skype, at the same time every day. Normally a catfish won't do that. He was wearing a signet ring on his wedding ring finger but he explained it by saying it was his late father's & it was the only finger it would fit on! (I know, I know!)

The phone calls became dirtier - his instigation. I would never in a million years suggest that as I have very little self-confidence. Ugh, I feel so stupid and dirty.

Then overnight he lost interest, after about 4 months of this. Weird, because he had made arrangements to come and visit me in my home town. He had sent me a stream of slightly bizarre gifts which I'd found a bit strange - most of them have gone down to the charity shop now (apart from the chocs - I ate those. Heh.)

Basically he organised a break-up - one evening he accused me of losing interest, of trying to get rid of him. This was totally out of the blue. I now realise he was projecting onto me - it was HE who had lost interest. We argued for at least 2 hours, during which my illusions were totally shattered. He said that my late husband was an "emotionless freak" and that my Mum "would be better off dead", among other horrible things. Oh, I'm a slag as well, apparently... I hung up on him and haven't contacted him since. I had a stream of bizarre PM's from him though. He said he was going to wait for me until I was "completely psychologically well", that he didn't realise I "couldn't cope with his intensity", and that he was my "King Arthur, my once and future King". I printed out pages of this psychotic drivel.

I haven't heard from him in a long time, but someone told me he was still married and living with his wife. I checked the electoral roll and this was indeed true.

The awful thing is I would love to meet someone real, someone caring, but this episode has made me suspicious and paranoid and fearful and now I can barely talk to men I like, even IRL. I've pretty much ditched FB. I will probably never find anyone now. It's bloody awful, really!

I'm not actually stupid - I'm articulate, when not having a panic attack, reasonably intelligent and well-read. But he still "got" me. Ah well, it's over now - I can't let him ruin the rest of my life - he doesn't deserve to have that power! How can I get him out of my head?!

I'm determined that 2018 will be better than 2017! Thanks for reading my rather unedifying tale!

Hey.
I think you were lucky for getting rid of a complete idiot and now have an opportunity to start afresh. I suggest avoiding facebook when it comes to dating , I rarely accept people there I don't personally know, and once when I did (he was offering to help with accommodation in a new city) I got entangled in something really stupid and genuinely regret it.
Joining one of your local activity groups (depending on what you're interested in) is probably a better idea, plus you'll find people with mutual interests there.

My recent romantic experience could be considered as painful and draining, but I've decided to switch a perspective and consider it a valuable lesson, as it made me start building my life from scratch. Switch a perspective and no reason to give up because of one bad experience.

Happy new year btw and wish you a fresh start.

shanzeek wrote:Hey.
I think you were lucky for getting rid of a complete idiot and now have an opportunity to start afresh. I suggest avoiding facebook when it comes to dating , I rarely accept people there I don't personally know, and once when I did (he was offering to help with accommodation in a new city) I got entangled in something really stupid and genuinely regret it.
Joining one of your local activity groups (depending on what you're interested in) is probably a better idea, plus you'll find people with mutual interests there.

My recent romantic experience could be considered as painful and draining, but I've decided to switch a perspective and consider it a valuable lesson, as it made me start building my life from scratch. Switch a perspective and no reason to give up because of one bad experience.

Happy new year btw and wish you a fresh start.

Thanks shanzeek! I know I'm well-rid of the weirdo lol! I'm much more careful on FB now, and only look at it a few times a week to keep up with family news & photos, etc! One of my mistakes was to use social media as a substitute for the real world - understandable in a way, as I was very poorly at the time and didn't get out much. I've been trying to rectify that though lately, and have joined a couple of local history groups and gone back to church - not with the intention of finding romance, but simply to engage with the "real world" again!