Is He Potentially Abusive, Or Is It Just My Anxiety?

If I'm posting this in an inappropriate place, I apologize. But I'm hoping for some neutral feedback concerning the 8 month relationship I'm currently in. Due to a severe weight problem growing up, I didn't start dating until my mid 30's (after losing 170lbs) and this is the very first relationship I have ever been in.

Growing up severely obese has of course negatively affected my self esteem and self confidence to the extent that while I see that I look a lot different now, I still don't feel very different on the inside. I still feel like no one could ever want me or be attracted to me, so I am always very surprised when a guy shows interest in me. Dating has been tortuous though, as I have a separation-type anxiety disorder which causes me to constantly obsess and worry that whoever I'm seeing will abandon me, and despite my best efforts I become clingy, uptight and panicky. I'm a 'push over,' I see every guy that is interested in me as the ONLY guy that will EVER be interested in me and I've ended up not being treated very well by most of the men in my life as a result.

But 8 months ago I met "Tom,' who lives in Canada (I live in the US, so it's a long distance thing) and things have been going surprisingly well! I've told him all about my anxiety issues, but instead of getting angry with me the 3 times I have had panic attacks about him leaving me, and subsequently messaged and called him a dozen times (once even at 4am) Tom got back to me with an "Are you alright?" and then let the incident go (albeit, also asking me to not call him at 4am, unless there was an emergency).

My anxiety in this relationship has been low to moderate, with the rare spikes of high (those afore mentioned 3 panic attacks) over the 8 months, mostly due to the fact that I see Tom for about a week to 10 days every month, and that we are constantly in contact whether by Messenger or by phone; we talk every day, sometimes for hours. He's been very good about keeping in contact, though I admit it is always a struggle for me at times to let him be who contacts me first; I am always afraid I am messaging him or calling him too much, but he never complains.

So, things are good...I think. There are a few things that bother me, and a few others that kind of scare me, but with having the anxiety disorder, I'm never certain whether these things are truly bad, and truly could point to potential for Tom to be abusive, or if it's just my hypersensitivity and fear of impending doom at work. So, here are the "scary" things that may or may not be valid reasons for concern:

1. Tom has told me on a few occasions that he's reached a point in his life where if someone doesn't want him anymore, he's alright with it, that he "doesn't care." Nothing seems to make him jealous, including best friend "Bob" insinuating that if it doesn't work out between Tom and me, that Bob "would be waiting for me." Now I sometimes really wonder if I mean anything to Tom at all.

2. Tom has told me that his estranged father was abusive to his mother and how he remembers his mom crying after their fights many times when he was a child.

3. Tom is a binge drinker, he seems to be drunk on average about twice a month, drinking 10+ beers on a binge. (I personally feel this excessive, Tom does not.)

4. Tom told me that once he was watching a friend's husky, and the dog apparently was not very well trained. He said he was trying to cook dinner and the dog jumped from the floor up onto his kitchen counter. Tom said he got angry, picked up the dog and then threw it into the living room. Fortunately, the dog was apparently not injured.

5. As I mentioned, Tom is Canadian and I am from the US. I am well aware that Americans tend to not be so well liked by other countries, but at times Tom says some very harsh things about Americans to me, that I try so hard not to take personally, but it still leaves me wondering why he'd say the things to me about my country that he does. I sometimes feel so much hate for Americans in his words and tone of voice that it's difficult for me not to feel like it's personal.

6. He's said to me before (when he's been under stress, or frustrated) that he "wants to beat someone up" and most recently also told me that he had a dream about beating up a girl.

7. Tom was previously in an 8 year relationship (that ended approximately 5 years ago) with a girl that he says he didn't even like. He says he "got stuck in a rut" and just stayed with her because she did all the cooking and cleaning. He also told me that they had several fights and that she would hit him, but that he never hit her and would never hit a woman because of what he watched his mom go through with his father. But, Tom also took down a poster on his bedroom door and showed me the hole he said he punched into the door instead of hitting his ex-girlfriend back.

I don't like these things and I don't like how these things make me feel even more. But, how much should I believe what I'm feeling? I vacilate between feeling like these are very real reasons for serious concern to feeling like I'm just letting my anxiety win again...I can't tell anymore what is a genuine cause for concern and what is just my mind telling me there's danger where there isn't really any danger. He's not a bad person, I love him, and I don't want to be in abusive relationship with anyone, but I also don't want to throw away what has been a good thing.

Your own intuition and first impressions of him should probably be trusted. I would listen and take heed of them. Listen to what you feel and proceed with caution.
I hear a potential for alcoholism and anger issues. One does not throw animals or punch holes in doors (and at least seemingly brag about it?).
You should know more about this before committing to something that may be more difficult to undo later. Maybe keep it at 'arms length' for now.
I'm not saying that he is a bad person or that you are making a mistake. I can't render judgement or a diagnosis here, just please be careful.
Best of luck to you.