I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES AND I NEED HELP

hey all

I am 26 years old and met my girlfriend 3 years ago. She is the only girl i have ever been in a relationship with. She is really down to earth, such a sweet, caring and good hearted person. She is definitley someone that you would bring home to your mom. I just realized i have some sort of commitment phobia and anxiety problems. I fear a lot about moving forward, occasionally have panic attacks which leads me to run away from the relationship.

3 years ago when i first started dating my girlfriend she wanted to make it official between us after the first few dates. However, i felt very scared and dragged it on 4 months before i officially asked her out. Which made her feel like she forced it on me. It also makes her feel like she was the one chasing me, whereas its usually the male chasing females.

Anyway, theres been about 3-4 times where I've tried breaking up the relationship with her. Some reasons being after a fight or an argument, instead of dealing with it id just take the easy way out and break up. But we never actually broke up for more than a few days. We'd always find a way to work it out. Recently however my girlfriend is wanting to move forward in our relationship and possibly get engaged and set a wedding date. but to the thought of that i run!! She also wants me to finalllllly meet her parents and younger siblings and asked to meet them in May back in January of this year. At the start i had agreed but then eventually chickened out. i tried breaking up with her but it didn't work. She instead gave me some more time and space.

So then we had agreed that I would meet her parents and we would take the next step around the new year 2018. Few months later she had requested that we move that to november 2017. I had agreed because she said that I'm always so selfish in the relationship and its either my way or the highway, which i agreed. Now that novemeber is approaching she had told her whole family and wants me to tell my parents. I am getting those panicking feelings, gettting very anxious about the whole situation. I've actually tried throwing in the towel again.

I ask "Is she the one"?
am i making the right decision?
Why am i panicking
whats going on

PLEASE HELP IF U CAN, ANY ADVISE HELPS

THANKS FOR READING

I am not really a believer in the kind of "commitment issues" you are describing. I would submit that your reluctance more likely has to do with a fear of being trapped in a relationship you are not entirely happy with.

The question therefore is not "how do you overcome it?" But "what issues are making you unhappy?"

"I ask "Is she the one"?"

You will find out, after you have said yes to her. You have to move on, so I think you should say yes. It's still not about getting kids together, so there is no problem of saying yes. If it dont work, you can always end the relationship.

"am i making the right decision?"
No one knows the future, but as it is right now, I think you should say yes. I have many friends where relationship dont work, where the woman dont want the man e.g. but here, you have a person who love you, a person who is nice - so yes, its the right decision.

"Why am i panicking"
Because you have not done it before. Next time, if there will be a next time, you will not even think about it, you will just say yes to a woman who love you. Its very valuable, dont let that kind of things in your life pass by. Grab them and if it fails, you have learned something every time.

"whats going on"
You are overanalyzing. Her. Her familly and so on and on and on. You are trying to explain everything in the world and it make you crazy. Stop it. Move focus to your work and just take a position here when you have time. Yes or no. Make life more simple. Use this sitation next time in life when you feel the same way. You have control issues too. You want to control the situation beforehand. Control the conversation with her parents. Control the future. But you are in the now. Why are you thinking about the conversation NOW when your work is calling, your food is not on the table yet and your dog need a walk? Take the conversation with her familly when it come and dont think a second about it now. Never worry about the future, only live in the now. I am sure that you will enjoy the conversation with her familly, but a more interesting thing will be when you realize how much energy you have used to think about "such a small thing" when it went so good. Next time, you will not think so much about the future )

Sorry if anything of this sound harsh, its just my point of view, and i really think you deserve to let all these thoughts go and enjoy your beautiful life with her