Idealization as a symptom

Quoth wrote:
and I've certainly never encountered a borderline in the real world who gave a damn about anyone but themselves, though I have encountered ones who seem to justify the negative reputation.

Got burned by a BPD recently?
Could've sworn you had a slightly less negative view on BPD not even month ago.

-- Thu Nov 09, 2017 4:42 pm --

Quoth wrote:I have an appointment in a few days to talk to a specialist in personality disorders, who's previously been advising my current psychologist. My anxiety (and crankiness) about the issue has been steadily rising as it feels like if he goes for AsPD or NPD I'm damned but if he goes for BPD I'm just a misunderstood little flower .

I'm getting a very strong NPD vibe from you, but you also shift so often from one attitude/mode to another that I'm genuinely confused here. Which one you'd want it to be?

julllia wrote:Xdude in the forum is very alluring from his kindness to want to hang out with him and follow him.

lol.
I'm very immune to BPD charm, so I guess it's your personal trigger.

The borderline i saw was hotter than the npd lol. This is misleading me lol.joking.

Not as parents but as relationship maybe .

-- Thu Nov 09, 2017 5:00 pm --

They are very triggering to me too.because the are unstable. I don't know everyone sucks. Help.The status obsession of npd is hitting on my nerves.

shanzeek wrote:Got burned by a BPD recently?

Not since I was 16.

Could've sworn you had a slightly less negative view on BPD not even month ago.

So the point earlier in this thread when I pointed out the clinically non existent empathy of BPD or it's links to child abuse. I guess I could have got into munchausen's or other issues with malingering...

I'm not saying all pwBPD are bad now.

If someone says to me "Nigerians are all lovely people"
And I respond "That isn't my experience"
It doesn't necessarily follow I don't like all Nigerians or that there aren't nice Nigerians, just that I think their statement is an over simplification which runs contrary to my own experience.

Particularly if I prefaced my statement with the phrase "I can't help wondering if this isn't splitting on African nations" and ended it with "Which is not to say there aren't nice people from Nigeria, just that there is clearly substantial variation within each of the African nationalities". As I did here for BPD.

This really is not something I should need to explain

I'm getting a very strong NPD vibe from you

No, I'm saying something you don't like and so you're labelling me again. Julllia telling people they have no empathy because they say something she doesn't like happens so often I'm just going to ignore it.

I have noticed though Shanz if I present you with an idealised view you respond nicely and if I present an unadorned truth you respond negatively.

That proclivity to grasp the pretty lie and reject the ugly truth is the reason why some people are vulnerable the cluster b manipulation and others are not.

but you also shift so often from one attitude/mode to another that I'm genuinely confused here.

I'm being consistent here.
People are defined by the things they do. I'm pretty sure I've said that before given I'm beginning to feel like a stuck record.
If I was to judge a person on the basis of their disorder, race, disability, sex, religion etc rather than the things they do and the choices they make I would be no different froma common bigot. Nor does the fact that many other people behave this way make it any more acceptable.

There is a higher statistical correlation between people with C-PTSD becoming abusers than there is with any personality disorder. Some think as many as 1 in every 3 go on to become an abuser, but that also means that 2 out of 3 don't. I'm not blind to the fact that my own disorder has a correlation with abuse but I'm not about to accept that being abused predetermines more abuse because it simply isn't true.
Abuse is a choice, not a predetermined outcome.

If I am assaulted by a British Muslim (which I have been), I'm pretty sure it happened because he was a person who chooses to harm others, not because of the name he uses for god.

The moment you try to label any group of people as all good or all bad, splitting is taking place. If you're struggling with the fact that I have some opinions you like and others you don't, or that sometimes I'm friendly and other times I'm cranky, or that I have both good thoughts and bad thoughts and can't incorporate it into an impression of a complex multi-faceted individual (as most people are) then perhaps you need to look into that.

I'm not sure how much more static I can make my position on Disorders and stigma.

Which one you'd want it to be?

None for preference, I'd quite like a do over button which involved a life with less physical pain. However since none of us can control the hand we are dealt only the way we play it, I would like an accurate diagnosis so I can learn to manage it and make the person I am a little less disparate from the person I feel I should be.

I hope that clarifies the point I was attempting to make (unsuccessfully it seems).

Really you don't find anything from what you said to be lacking in empathy . or just so absurd that was funny.
I didn't like your answer because it lacked empathy.so much that it was funny. Not you in general , i don't know you.
Why does it bother you anyway that i criticized the lack of empathy.

It was the other way around I felt it lacked empathy that is why i didn't like it.
And not i don't like it ,so it lacks empathy.

I bet i say things that lack empathy all the time. lol.
Is just that npd are egotistical by definition .
Instead of saying they are not that bad. Avoiding the blame.Why not consider it and not being defensive shows more empathy imo.
I know living with narcissists can make you angry everytime someone tries to blame you while you are innocent. Instead i decided to become what they said and not have empathy for them anymore

Quoth wrote:I'm not saying all pwBPD are bad now.

If someone says to me "Nigerians are all lovely people"
And I respond "That isn't my experience"
It doesn't necessarily follow I don't like all Nigerians or that there aren't nice Nigerians, just that I think their statement is an over simplification which runs contrary to my own experience.

On your Lingchi topic (I think it was that one) you wrote about your experience with other PDs, and BPD "was not that bad either" ("either" referring to NPD).

No, I'm saying something you don't like and so you're labelling me again.

I have noticed though Shanz if I present you with an idealised view you respond nicely and if I present an unadorned truth you respond negatively.

You mean to say I label people I dislike with "NPD" label? You yourself were making a joke about labels, I simply went with it, also you're the one relating to the infamous "we" on NPD forum. I was answering an indirect question you posed. I don't think your case will ever fit any of those 3 labels nor do I see how it would change anything, labels mean nothing to me, in general in life, not just in this place.

People are defined by the things they do. I'm pretty sure I've said that before given I'm beginning to feel like a stuck record.

You did know what I was referring to, though, when I said "inconsistent".

The moment you try to label any group of people as all good or all bad, splitting is taking place. If you're struggling with the fact that I have some opinions you like and others you don't, or that sometimes I'm friendly and other times I'm cranky, or that I have both good thoughts and bad thoughts and can't incorporate it into an impression of a complex multi-faceted individual (as most people are) then perhaps you need to look into that.

Did I ever say something that would suggest this? I've read enough coming from you to not be able to ever put you in my "not sure what word to use here - (unworthy of my respect?) - so i'll simple write - bad guys" mental box. You being cranky or us disagreeing about curiosjane or anything else couldn't really influence that, that's not how my mind works. Perhaps if you murdered someone around here it might lol. I actually think you're projecting here when thinking our disagreement on any matter would change my overall picture of you, I find it strange that this would even occur to you, it's very far from the truth. (God, you are cranky a lot. )

None for preference, I'd quite like a do over button which involved a life with less physical pain. However since none of us can control the hand we are dealt only the way we play it, I would like an accurate diagnosis so I can learn to manage it and make the person I am a little less disparate from the person I feel I should be.

This is simply not fair. I don't know if the question was offensive in any way (was it?), from my pov the most respectable thing I could do is take a light approach and openly talk about it without having on walk to eggshells despite the fact it's extremely sensitive topic (oh look now I'm walking on eggshells), you're very well aware I'd never disrespect what you've gone through and it's unfair to use this against me and incite guilt. And now I do feel guilty yet I don't see much basis for it from what I wrote earlier. Pf.

^this.When we disagree it doesn't mean we don't like the other person

about BPD - I'm not sure if it's because I share a lot of traits, but I enjoy having a BPD in my life. At the beginning of our friendship, it was pure hell, a lot of testing, backstabbing, disloyalty and drama was present, what made me stick around is the realization this person felt genuine guilt and would always attempt to fix what ever's broken and could also understand me better than any of my other friends (we have a very similar life story). Many years passed since and we've both changed and learned to adapt to each other's needs. As long as she feels she's included, loved and supported she can be a very good friend. We did have some issues with guys at first lol, as it ocassionally felt like she was trying to steal away my boyfriends' attention which made me furious but later I realized it was more about her possessiveness towards me and my attention, not these guys' so I'd make sure she wouldn't feel left out while I was in a relationship and it pretty much solved everything. My previous NPD rl did make it harder as they were both extremely possessive and hated each other's guts but I guess (hope?) that was an exception. BPDs are lovely and fragile creatures if you try your best not to hurt them, and they are easily hurt. Never been in a relationship with one so dunno about that.