I can never make up my mind. Ruined relationships result.

i have similar problem and i do not know what i have.
i do not understand completely what black and white thinking means.what is it?i feel more like you where i feel too opposite things at the same time most often.not the middle but 2 opposites.
the all or nothing/black and white problem i have is that i want all or nothing.middle feels like nothing so it goes to nothing.sometimes.
i do not think that other people understand it though.i think they see me like nothing is wrong with me.
but to have a disorder you need more than that maybe.i have no clue.i just wanted to post because i related with i feel too opposites at the same time so much. i am no help.
wtf is the middle

i feel that i think in grey too and not black and white.but there is a possibility that means is not grey.if you can not decide. why not take just the middle.is difficult for me too understand those things.
also i do not want to be more decisive like you.first i can see all sides and be a diplomat and manipulate others.second if i decide to love you for example and then you hurt me i do not want to decide that.
but yeah exept that you can be a diplomat as positive or that is very interesting you can see everyone point of view and understand them,is also annoying to not know what you want to do and self sabotazing

Black and white thinking/feeling is a complex topic.

Being able to see more than one side is a positive trait for sure, but there can still be black and white thinking involved.

Here is a mental image -

Think of a meter with a needle that swings between an extreme negative on end, and an extreme positive on the other.

Rapid shifting between the two extremes is one thing.

A slower swing toward either end, but floating in the vast grey are between the two extremes is another.

Caplibcan21 wrote:See, I've always looked over BPD as a possibility because they tend to be very black-and-white, no? At least when it comes to splitting. I can definitely relate to your mom when it comes to feeling multiple ways about a person and questioning relationships though. It, understandably, drove my exes and potential boyfriends up the wall. But my problem isn't really "switching" per se (loving them one second, hating them the next) but the fact that I feel love and hate simultaneously. I guess I can seem like I'm switching though when really I'm trying to make sense of what I feel. I wonder if it's the same for your mom?

Sometimes, black and white can mimic gray. It may be that you are switching back and forth so quickly, that it appears gray.

Can you give me a few examples of your past relationships? Describe what happened, if you can.

oh thank you xdude that description was so helpful.it was always so confusing to me.why they say black and white when instead you are open minded or consider everychoice.black and white seems more repressing as a person if you choose one of 2.your description cleared it a lot. for example i think in everyday life i can swing between 2 opposites but also find the middle and understand it and then swing between the 3 or endless posibilities but i think i can found stability or enjoy it has positives and negatives but what is a complete mess is relationships with people and intimacy.where the middle feels like nothing .when is about love is more intense the problem and annoying and more black and white with no middle but maybe bpd is about everything.i do not know if it has anything to do with pd. or black and white when it seems more like endless posibilities
..or nothing

Yes, for sure.

A person can be a grey thinker in general, but when it comes to relationships, or some other aspect of life, extremes can still come into play. Intimate relationships for sure can trigger strong emotions, even among the most logical/thinking types.

Another way to look at it is from the point of view of something many NONs write about here. They just don't understand when a partner switches from absolutely adoring them to absolutely hating them. They don't because they don't think that way. They may have moments or even days when they are feeling less warm toward their partner, but they don't think in extremes, or forget all the positives even if they are upset/hurt, disagree, etc., more of that grey area in the middle swinging than the rapid swinging between extremes.